amy55

I think you are really do good, you are listening, you are learning.

My suggestions, take a look at the book, "Why Does He Do That", and also "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Let me know what you think about those books.

((((((((hugs)))))))))) and here for you.

If you are not at this stage yet, let me know. I can always adjust myself to what you are researching or going through now. I've been there.

sunday9

I think I am still too jittery and things too unsure of what is/will go on to read. I am not even watching much tv which I enjoy doing. He was supposed to come over today and as of now still hasn't. I just hope it stays that way!

amy55

Don't worry. No pressure. I just want to be at the same speed that you are at. I understand the jitters, I understand being nervous. I'll still be here, just let me know what point or stage you are at. I will never push you to go further or faster.


Love and hugs.

If you want to talk more tonight let me know. You have all the control tonight, we can just chit chat. Talk about movies or songs.

amy55

What time zone are you in?

sunday9

Cst

amy55

ok, I'm 1 hour later then that. So how are you doing? Are you still nervous? It's ok if you don't answer, will assume that he did finally show up, but will be checking for your for at least the next 2 hours.

Remember, I care about you.

sunday9

No he hasn't shown up. He is not dependable so it's not set in stone he was coming by tonight. I also think maybe he was just placating me to get the heck out of here as easy and fast as he could last night when he was acting like he wanted to talk. He hates talking. I gave him assignments for our next talk. I think he was just hoping for a "sure you can come back". And if he is with his lady ...he sure would rather go home to that than come by here for more of what I will give him. Ha!

And thanks for concern, Amy. It really helps.

amy55

sunday, this is all a game to them. A push/pull game. Seriously though, maybe you went through enough for today, and you might just want some pleasant chit chat, and let the other stuff go for awhile, you took in a lot today to digest. Don't want to overload you, unless you want to talk about something that is bothering you.

I just really care about you.

I'm sorry he didn't show up tonight, I went through that many nights also.

amy55

sunday, what do you want to do tonight? I'm sure that's a question you're not used to hearing. we could watch a movie, or listen to some music. You could take a quiet walk, take a long hot bath. Read a book. What is it that sunday likes?

sunday9

I am not yet able to relax and do what I like. That will happen. I think faster this time. I think this is about the 4th time he's moved out. This is the first time he is probably moving on with a woman. It stings a bit. You know the drill....that another woman can be better for him, make him happy, make him feel like a man, want to maybe sober up. They met in AA tho so who knows how well two As do relationship wise. I don't her drinking status other than to hang with him drunk for hours one might really want to drink. Or then maybe it keeps them from it. Ha!

Anyway the first time he was gone about a month and we talked daily. He always promised he would be back but it tore me up and I moped for about a month. Likewise the next times and by then I was actually ok and enjoying my new life. And then he was back and I wasn't quite ready enough to turn him away.

This time I think I am healing much faster. I mean he hasn't been here for 4 days and I already had a day with no tears!! That is progress so maybe this time it won't take a month or more for me to start healing.

amy55

sunday, thank you for posting again tonight, I began to worry about you.

This other woman, someday if she sticks around long enough, you might thank her. When I found out about the "other woman" I hurt, I really did, they are still together, but I have seen and heard about things, where I still thank her, but I pity her also.

I think you are doing really well under the situation you are in now.

Just please, do me a favor. Shut the phone off. Don't look for emails. Just talk to us for awhile.

sunday9

If this woman - or any woman - lasts I will have mixed feelings. My situation with him now is just bad. It wasn't always like that. He can be a wonderful sweet and strong and good and fun guy. I just haven't seen that lately. But I can see how he could shine in a new relationship and be happy someone wanted him like he is now - at his lowest and will help him get back up. I think it is great for him if that can happen. Just sad it couldn't be me. Yet it is all too soon to know how it will all turn out anyway.

amy55

sunday, just know that it isn't you. If he is together with this woman, it will burn out quickly and he will be back looking for you. BTDT.

Only way someone could make him happy, if even a short period of time is to be a "Stepford Wife". I am here anytime you want to talk. I know you must be feeling really down tonight. I guess I'm just guessing on that, because I know I would be.

Get some rest, a good night sleep, put his voice in a box and seal it up.

Just remember you are terrific, and you deserve so much more.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

sunday9

Love your insights, Amy. You are good! You have BTDT! The Stepford Wife is what he is looking for. He is a pure "man's man" and women have their place. It's like he comes from another time.

I am somewhat down but I am trying to stay realistic. I'm not ready for him to be here so if he is with another woman that's how it has to be. I did tell him I wasn't ready for him to come back and he has nowhere else to go. I may ...like you feel....someday want to thank her! lol

amy55

Gotta tell you this story before you go to sleep tonight. My ex had wanted to fight, I didn't. He wanted to tell me this story about the Alpha Dominant Male and the Submissive Wife. I walked away, he followed me. He was telling me the story. I looked at him and said, I just don't want to hear this bullsh!t. He told me I was rude that I interrupted him, and that he had to start from the beginning again. I interrupted him a few more times, he started all over from the beginning again. I finally gave up, I sat down, and let him finish.

I know what you are talking about when they follow you around and just don't shut the f up. (lol)

So finally he finished, I said to him, so what does that mean anyway. He told me it meant nothing, that he knew a lot of psycho babble to bother me and he would continue to do that.

W H A T E V E R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praying

Hi, I just wanted to let you know I've been following your posts and I've been there too. I'm still a little too close to a lot of it, so it triggers me sometimes to read too much or write, but I can tell you that Amy's insight is fantastic! And you are NOT alone. I'm sending you prayers and peace tonight.