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Kicked her out, finally (long)

Old 07-08-2014, 06:08 PM
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Your story scares me as my behavior sounds a lot like your wife, hoping to beat this as it tears people apart, I hope you both find peace & happiness
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Old 07-09-2014, 05:04 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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This is why I told my RAH that he needed to rent an apartment with at least a one-year's lease. I didn't want to backpedal myself or give him any opening to try coming home before that. Now that he's been gone for over a month, I'm 90 percent certain that this will be permanent. He's sober, working a good program, giving it his all, but MY all is pretty much used up. I'm hoping after being on his own and hopefully sober for a year, he'll understand why permanent separation is the best thing for us. If he doesn't, well, it's probably still going to be the best thing for ME.
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Old 07-09-2014, 06:17 AM
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Queenapple, I completely understand where you are coming from. This is exactly what I hope to make happen over the next few weeks. She appears to be devastated even to consider the idea that she is not coming home soon. It is heartbreaking to enforce these boundaries, but she has yet to demonstrate any behavior that would warrant a change in strategy.

Biminiblue - I completely agree that using the house as a pawn in some game is wholly inappropriate. My "card to play" metaphor simply meant that if I were to sell the house now, it would be interpreted by her differently than I would intend. The idea of downsizing was originally just a musing on my part - i.e. something to consider at some point in the distant future if she is unable to get her act together, because for better or worse, I do have some associations of her problems with this house. This is simply a trivial, minor concern, I have no time, energy, or thought to put into it at the moment - let's let it go.
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Old 07-09-2014, 06:24 AM
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jmartin, what I see is that you are very focused on her and her feelings. I would take this time to focus on YOU, your wants, your needs, your feelings. Let her do her own thing. I agree with your that it is heartbreaking to enforce boundaries, however, if you don't it will lead to a life a misery for YOU.

You deserve more.

Good Luck and God Bless!
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Old 07-11-2014, 01:33 PM
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