What next?

Old 06-30-2014, 05:26 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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What next?

I'm new to this site and in need of some advice! My husband has been sober for 2 1/2 years. Initially, he relapsed (2-3?) times before getting to the first 30 days. I was pregnant at the time, and finally told him that we would be separating if he continued to drink. After that, he really got his act together, and began attending AA meetings consistently.

Fast forward to today. I came home for a short, unexpected work break and found my husband passed out with an open bottle of vodka next to him. My son was awake and laying on the couch watching a movie. I immediately got my son into bed while my husband insisted that it was his friend who brought it over and that he would never drink. I demanded he take a breathalyzer, even though I already knew the answer. It's the only way he would own up to the drinking. He blew a .05. He knew the consequences, and continued to beg for forgiveness, he would never do it again, etc. I felt like I needed to stick with my ultimatum, so he is currently staying at a friends house.

My question is, did I do the right thing? What's next? He spoke with his sponsor and says he will be attending meetings again more consistently. I know he feels horrible and wants to be sober and with his family. How much time being separated should I give (assuming he is showing effort/success with sobriety)?
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Old 06-30-2014, 05:37 PM
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What do you want to do? Alcoholism is a lifelong disease and possible relapse is always part of the equation even for a recovering alcoholic. There is no magic amount of separation time that will ensure future sobriety.
He passed out drunk on the couch next to your son. That is criminal child neglect. It doesn't matter if Santa Claus brought the bottle of vodka down the chimney and put it in your husband's hands. He made a really bad choice.
It is your life,your family, your choice. Your husband goes to meetings (AA?), have you done any recovery for yourself? I attend Alanon. Others here really like Celebrate Recovery. It is equally important for the non drinking spouse to have help and support.
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Old 06-30-2014, 05:49 PM
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I honestly don't know what I want. I love him and he has been a great father until today. I now do not feel safe with him alone with my child.. I knew there were possibilities of him relapsing, I never would have thought he would do it on his day off with our son. I will look into Celebrate recovery.
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