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The next time I ask if he will stay normal someone slap me silly with ALL CAPS

Old 07-01-2014, 08:57 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm in PA and the lawyer told me I could file for Exclusive Possesion of Property (something like that) but she said "let me warn you...it is a very burdensome process" She said judges are very hesitant to make someone leave their own home and really want/need good reason. Each party can tell their side of the story and she said even if the court grants the request, he would still have 30-60 days to leave.

I have a secret stash of almost $600.00. I am (hanging my head down...way. way down) cashing in Holly's bonds which is maybe about $1,500 - $2,000. I called my bank this morning and they said they could cash them for me which I was shocked because paper bonds don't even exist anymore. I have a place I want to be, it's still vacant, but I don't see how I can just woosh move out and still have to pay the mortgage at the house.

You guys really think calling his parents is a waste? Am I refusing to let him fall? Is that what I sound like? I want him to fall from a 10 story building so please tell me what I sound like and how I can correct it.

Still nothing from the lawyer. She said yesterday or today. Ugh. I keep checking my email every five minutes.
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:16 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Meggie...I think you have come to a place where you cannot stand him yes. However, I think you are worried about what will happen to him if you leave. I understand to a point, but I am really scared he is going to hurt you.

I just think his parents are basically saying they are not going to save him this time. If you leave, would he pay the mortgage at all? You may want to call the mortgage company and tell them what is going on and see if they can freeze it or defer a few payments. My friend did that. They so badly did not want the property to foreclose that they froze her payments for 12 full months to let them figure it out. She had Wells Fargo.

So I guess the financial part I understand. However, I do not understand what you want his parents to do. They cannot make him stop anymore than you can. I think if you call them you should say you know he is not going to change, they know he is not going to change. Put the focus on the grandchildren.

Keep checking on things from the attorney. Don't engage with any of his quackery. You can do this, we are behind you 100% my friend!
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Old 07-01-2014, 10:27 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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meggem,

this is in regards to his parents.

When I was still married and couldn't take it anymore, I wanted his family, to know what was going on. It was because I was concerned for him, but I think in a way, I wanted them to take a 2 X 4 and hit him over the head and make him change.

They listened, but the response was, go to alanon. I thought that was the harshest thing that they could say to me. I later found out that it was also the most loving thing they could have said to me. His mother and 2 of his sisters had gone to alanon because of my ex's dad.

They knew that I would be dealing with my ex long-term even after a divorce and that they couldn't fix things for me or for my ex, and that they wanted the best for both of us.

I wish I would have listened to them then.
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Old 07-01-2014, 02:45 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My ex's parents, especially his mom, were downright nasty to me when I left. I see now that they were terrified of having to take care of him and also that they didn't really understand how bad he had gotten and that the kids and I were in physical danger living in that house.
Eight months later they have completely changed their tune, having experienced firsthand some of the craziness and abuse. His own mother is now afraid of him. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, unfortunately that's what it took. They went from threatening me over custody of our son and blaming me for all my ex's problems to his mom calling me in tears begging me to send her an agreement that gives them supervision over all visits. She also wanted a clause about mandatory detox and rehab before he got any visits. I had to tell her that's really outside the scope of a custody agreement, though I did mention Alanon to her for the umpteenth time. Lol.
When I left I really had a lot invested in making them understand why, but my words couldn't do that. They had to have those experiences for themselves and learn the hard way what he has become.
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