Wahine

AH and Dd13 spent an afternoon with SIL and friends at a location about 1 1/2 hours away. They get home and AH looks crap faced. He denies drinking. After I question him he gets up and is staggering out the door and down the street. DD13 wouldn't tell me anything. He has been working on buying her loyalty for a couple of weeks. DD14 says AH was crying while talking about impending divorce before I walked in the room. I'm sure he was drinking after hearing that. I call the police. They say that there's nothing they can do.

What can I do. I need to protect my kids.

hopeful4

Convince DD for her safety she cannot get in the car w him if hes drinking. Educate her what to look for. Give her a phone, tell her to call or text you if he tries this again. Then call police and catch him in the act. Get DD counseling.

XXX

Hopeworks

Get a court order requiring him to carry a sober alert breathalyzer. It will take his picture when he blows into it and emails results to you and court. Will keep your child out of the conflict and you will know if he drinks.

Katchie

It's hard. I've had the same problem in recent history. I finally told my AH he wasn't allowed to drive my children anywhere as a condition of my staying in the marriage as well as he had to seek help. I then instructed my children to not ride with him any longer which meant I had to take them to everything. They were relieved to know they could count on me to do that. It's not easy but it's better than having to bury a child. I did reach out to friends for support and on many occasions I had great help.

FeelingGreat

Wahine, maybe you could get through to your DD that your concern isn't about about scoring points, but about HER safety. That accidents happen all the time with drunk drivers and it could have awful consequences for everyone.
If you can't get though to her, maybe a school counsellor or trusted relative?

dandylion

Hopeworks...... I didn't know they had those ....taking the picture and mailing the results. I think that is a fabulous idea!!!!!

That would be great standard procedure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, it takes the poor kid out of the middle of it!

dandylion

Wahine

Homework - thank you so much. I will talk to AH about it tonight.

The problem is AH hides his drinking very well. He has his whole family fooled. He is a master at hiding the drinking. DD knows what to look for. But can't see the subtle nuances. Once he is staggering and slurring his speech she can tell. After AH came back in last night he walks into my room and tells me not to talk to him like that in front of the kids, then proof, is gone. I could smell the mouth wash from 10 feet away.

Normally I drive them everywhere. Since deciding on DV I have let him take them places on the weekends. I am very sick and having surgery on Wednesday and won't be able to drive for a week. Ugh. It is so frustrating.

Thanks everyone for your help.