choublak

My parents are recently divorced and my dad is a borderline stalker. My dad had a long-term affair with a girl younger than both me and my brother, for a few years he would go back and fourth between this girl and my mom (all the while lying to my mom), my mom finally had enough, filed for divorce, had to get a restraining order against my dad because he wouldn't leave her alone...He never has, still hasn't, gotten the message that my mom just wants to be left alone.

My boyfriend and I are going, I want it to be fun. But I don't want to watch my parents interact if it's going to get ugly. I'm worried about my dad bothering my mom, and bothering me, for that matter.

A bunch of people are going on a snorkeling tour, our family and my brother's fiance's family. My boyfriend and I are going on the snorkeling tour. So are both my parents. I want to have fun, but I don't want to witness anything weird, like if my dad is bothering my mom and starts crying really hard, he starts crying really hard to the point where he's sobbing so much he can barely talk, he does this as a ploy to get my mom back (or he has in the past; it doesn't work anymore). Well he still cries but it doesn't work with my mom anymore. I don't want to be around this.

And despite all this, I still kind of feel sorry for him, because he'll be all by himself, while everyone else will be with family.

amy55

choublak,

This is your brothers wedding, that is all that matters. Repeat it over and over in your head if your can.

I just went to my sons wedding, where my ex brought his live in gf. from long before we were even married. I just stayed cordial. It, the day, wasn't about me. It was their day, it is their weekend. Your mom, had filed an RO, she can handle herself. If she couldn't, she wouldn't go. Like you said, he may cry and it doesn't bother your mother anymore, and if you are snorkeling, you won't hear it.

Have a good weekend.

choublak

Why do I still feel sorry for him?

ShootingStar1

I think part of us still wants to fix people who are broken. Especially family members. I think that we imagine that if we could fix them, somehow magically we would get from them the love and behavior that we needed but never got because of who they were.

Amy's right, this is your brother's wedding, and all your attention should go to him and his fiancee.

When I was raising my kids, many years ago, I remember a book about how to discipline children when they were misbehaving. It said to treat the behavior like a dinosaur: ignore it and put it on the path toward extinction.

All this crying and stalking and stuff is a cry for attention in a very negative way. If no one responds, then it doesn't take over the day.

ShootingStar1

choublak

I'm also afraid of ending up/turning out like him. My mom has said that he and I are more alike than I'd care to admit.

choublak

Oh, but it did. She just lied about it not bothering her and took all of her issues out on me.

RunningScared

If there is a restraining order still valid, you can easily have your dad removed from the whole situation by calling the police. I'm not sure that's the best course of action, but it is an option.

choublak

It was in Mexico and it already happened.