Trappedpdx

Hi, I allowed my exAH to move back in 6 years ago-platonic only. He has only sporadically worked and has not paid any bills in that time. 2 months ago he quit another job and started drinking heavily, so I gave him a move out date and got eviction papers...which I have been afraid to file. Move out date is 4 days away. I have enabled him for 30 years, and I need the strength to follow through. Any suggestions, or swift kicks would be appreciated.

CodeJob

Trapped, why are you afraid to file? It is very hard to change a relationship pattern - especially one with 30 years of repetition. I hope you decide to value you in the drama.

fairlyuncertain

When I expected conflict with my ex, I called the sheriff a few days beforehand, and told them the situation, asked advice. Then I told my exA about it, and mentioned that Deputy X said I could call anytime. There was no conflict. Good luck!

ladyscribbler

Why are you feeling afraid? Just the change of a pattern after so long, like fear of the unknown? Fear of his anger or danger to you? Worry over what will happen to him if he's on his own?

Praying

I too am curious what the fear stems from. Retaliation? Loss of the relationship? Something else? That answer might help you.

If you're looking for the swift kick instead...I will paraphrase your situation through a different lens (hoping it makes you smile):

So you're gonna keep the drunk squatter on your property who has taken from you for years and isn't even providing good sex? Clear him out and make some room! "SHF seeks to cohabitate with no strings with SHM with minimally one of the following qualities: income, sobriety, cleans house, provides favors." Bet you get a response to THAT ad.

SHF=single HOT female

I'd wonder how I could truly move on developing my own life if my XAH lived in my house. I wouldn't. I would be stunted and stuck...and that might be part of my fear of pulling the trigger. Forcing that true next step. It's a comfort zone of sorts. (This is how I would feel, not necessarily you.)

Trappedpdx

Thank you all. What am I afraid of? You are right, i realize now I am in some weird dysfunctional comfort zone and only I can change that. Amazing what a little dose of truth will do!

sunday9

Trapped - I am going thru something similar so I understand the strange "grey" area that makes no sense. I call it anxiety but fear is a good description too. Hate feeling like this. I know it will pass but until it does....

Carlotta

Change is scary: getting him out will open up a brand new area of your life.
You will also get to find out so much about yourself since you will be your only roommate and have to learn to enjoy your own company.
The chaos of living with an active alcoholic is known territory this is a new journey starting for you.