I lost it today!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I lost it today!
I lost it in front of DD6 and I am feeling so guilty. Separated AH had to announce to me that he is going to be introducing enabling GF he cheated on me with to our daughter and it just sent me over the edge!
My recover has been backsliding the past few weeks and I need your help. I cannot believe I lost it in front of My poor 6 year old baby girl and I feel so guilty because she will never forget her whole entire life the scene I made today. It was a complete overreaction.
How do you guys forgive yourself for the behavior you do when you allow the A to evoke a reaction out of you? I am sick over the fact that I lost my temper and mind and said so many things that she should never have heard (although true) not for a 6 year old ears! I am so sorry...the guilt I feel is immense and I will never know her whole life what it did to her! I dont see how separated AH goes through life daily with no care to what he is doing to her when the one day I mess up, I am just sick over it.
I am so not healthy when it comes to him. I need to just be away from him entirely but I can never be because we share her. I have to grow up and be an adult but today I backslid and immaturity and pain reared its ugly head!!
My recover has been backsliding the past few weeks and I need your help. I cannot believe I lost it in front of My poor 6 year old baby girl and I feel so guilty because she will never forget her whole entire life the scene I made today. It was a complete overreaction.
How do you guys forgive yourself for the behavior you do when you allow the A to evoke a reaction out of you? I am sick over the fact that I lost my temper and mind and said so many things that she should never have heard (although true) not for a 6 year old ears! I am so sorry...the guilt I feel is immense and I will never know her whole life what it did to her! I dont see how separated AH goes through life daily with no care to what he is doing to her when the one day I mess up, I am just sick over it.
I am so not healthy when it comes to him. I need to just be away from him entirely but I can never be because we share her. I have to grow up and be an adult but today I backslid and immaturity and pain reared its ugly head!!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
First, I am so sorry. That seriously sounds like a very trying situation.
Second, this sounds like an overreaction too:
I bet IF she still remembers this sometime very far down the road, you'll be able to explain to her what happened and what you would have done differently. Accidents happen. Hopefully in the future your AH won't announce this stuff to you with your DD around.
Sending you hugs and hoping you cut yourself a little slack.
Second, this sounds like an overreaction too:
because she will never forget her whole entire life the scene I made today. It was a complete overreaction.
Sending you hugs and hoping you cut yourself a little slack.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
iamthird---I think we all have done things that we wish that we hadn't done. I hear you that you feel just wretched about this. And, I can appreciate what hot buttons that feeling rejected and references to the "other woman" are tough to take.
Please don't load yourself up on even more guilt with all that you are having to deal with, already. Forgive yourself for being human---cause humans screw up from time to time. Then promise yourself that you won't do that thing, again. And let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one thing will not destroy her life. It won't. What will have a much greater effect on her, in the long run is if she never gets to experience a happy mother.
That is the best gift you can give her. She will take permission from you to make herself a high priority and become a happy person herself.
I sat that the best thing that you can do is to detach yourself from your separated husband as much as humanly possible (given you have a child together) and use everything in alanon and as much help as your therapist can give you to achieve your best potential. You were created to have peace in your soul and to experience joy in living. No man is worth turning yourself away from that---much less one that has been a real a***ole.
My words are a bit firm, tonight....LOL. As your friend, I felt this was called for on this occasion.
Take it easy.....tomorrow will be a new day..another chance to make things better....
dandylion
Please don't load yourself up on even more guilt with all that you are having to deal with, already. Forgive yourself for being human---cause humans screw up from time to time. Then promise yourself that you won't do that thing, again. And let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one thing will not destroy her life. It won't. What will have a much greater effect on her, in the long run is if she never gets to experience a happy mother.
That is the best gift you can give her. She will take permission from you to make herself a high priority and become a happy person herself.
I sat that the best thing that you can do is to detach yourself from your separated husband as much as humanly possible (given you have a child together) and use everything in alanon and as much help as your therapist can give you to achieve your best potential. You were created to have peace in your soul and to experience joy in living. No man is worth turning yourself away from that---much less one that has been a real a***ole.
My words are a bit firm, tonight....LOL. As your friend, I felt this was called for on this occasion.
Take it easy.....tomorrow will be a new day..another chance to make things better....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 84
I suggest not ignoring this. Just tell her you were upset and behaved badly and that your sorry. Then drop it. If she wants to talk about it, she will bring it up. If you ignore it, and she is confused, she won't feel like she can bring it up.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I apologized to her and I explained I lost my temper and I should not have. I told her some things are adult things and I should not have had her apart of it no matter how upset I got.
She lovingly said like from Frozen "the past is in the past Mama" and hugged and kissed me.
It is seriously the hardest thing in the world to watch your marriage and family brake apart as you know it, let it go and start over. Separated AH has the alcohol, I just feel it. I will be gentle with myself and cuddle up with DD6 tonight and catch an Alanon meeting tomorrow after church. I think the F2F will do me some good.
Thank you friends for keeping me together when I am not strong enough to do it for myself.
She lovingly said like from Frozen "the past is in the past Mama" and hugged and kissed me.
It is seriously the hardest thing in the world to watch your marriage and family brake apart as you know it, let it go and start over. Separated AH has the alcohol, I just feel it. I will be gentle with myself and cuddle up with DD6 tonight and catch an Alanon meeting tomorrow after church. I think the F2F will do me some good.
Thank you friends for keeping me together when I am not strong enough to do it for myself.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Separated AH can't feel the beauty in "the past is the past, mama". Thanks for sharing. That is incredible and makes me smile tonight. Yes, you might feel the terrible parts, which are AWFUL... but you get to feel that moment too. Feeling real love beats everything. Remember that. Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I'm not a parent, but I suspect that even parents are allowed to be human now and again. 
It sounds like you explained it to her perfectly, and understand yourself a little better now, too.
I'm sorry for the on-going pain. Just know that it will fade in time. It already has/had to some degree, right? All I can suggest is that you stick close to the positive people in your life and keep trying to enjoy each day as it comes...! Hang in there, and vent here as often as needed
It sounds like you explained it to her perfectly, and understand yourself a little better now, too.
I'm sorry for the on-going pain. Just know that it will fade in time. It already has/had to some degree, right? All I can suggest is that you stick close to the positive people in your life and keep trying to enjoy each day as it comes...! Hang in there, and vent here as often as needed
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by iamthird 
I apologized to her and I explained I lost my temper and I should not have. I told her some things are adult things and I should not have had her apart of it no matter how upset I got.
She lovingly said like from Frozen "the past is in the past Mama" and hugged and kissed me.
It is seriously the hardest thing in the world to watch your marriage and family brake apart as you know it, let it go and start over. Separated AH has the alcohol, I just feel it. I will be gentle with myself and cuddle up with DD6 tonight and catch an Alanon meeting tomorrow after church. I think the F2F will do me some good.
Thank you friends for keeping me together when I am not strong enough to do it for myself.
She lovingly said like from Frozen "the past is in the past Mama" and hugged and kissed me.
It is seriously the hardest thing in the world to watch your marriage and family brake apart as you know it, let it go and start over. Separated AH has the alcohol, I just feel it. I will be gentle with myself and cuddle up with DD6 tonight and catch an Alanon meeting tomorrow after church. I think the F2F will do me some good.
Thank you friends for keeping me together when I am not strong enough to do it for myself.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
It's a mistake and your precious little girl, bless her, with her, "the past is in the past", comment.
I guess moving forward, a positive thing would be to make a plan for when a potentially explosive situation might happen again in front of her, how will you diffuse it? Having a plan to cope can help.
My ex husband was extremely frustrating when we broke up. Writing frustrations out in a journal helped me. I know that sounds a bit lame when you are in the height of anger, but you need to protect your child above all things, and if that means eating your words sometimes to spare her, then so be it.
All children have the right to feel like their parents love and care for them. Even if you feel that's not the situation, be the bigger person here. (Yeah, it sucks, for sure!)
I guess moving forward, a positive thing would be to make a plan for when a potentially explosive situation might happen again in front of her, how will you diffuse it? Having a plan to cope can help.
My ex husband was extremely frustrating when we broke up. Writing frustrations out in a journal helped me. I know that sounds a bit lame when you are in the height of anger, but you need to protect your child above all things, and if that means eating your words sometimes to spare her, then so be it.
All children have the right to feel like their parents love and care for them. Even if you feel that's not the situation, be the bigger person here. (Yeah, it sucks, for sure!)
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