No comfort
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I spent the day abusing my ex, sending him messages expressing how I felt
My ex was in lala land when we split up too. That was 3 1/2 years ago. Flash forward to present, he's homeless and jobless thanks to the inexorable path of untreated alcoholism. There's not much lala now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by killerinstinct 
I have worked so hard on myself, and still I get so depressed (especially when I have alone time to actually reflect so I can heal). I could easily ruin my life and avoid my issues by jumping into a relationship for comfort but I don't want to be in a relationship for that reason.. I am trying so hard to heal and be whole and although I make massive progress life just keeps on throwing obstacles at me. I am depressed that while I am doing this hard work my ExA is happy living in Lala land enjoying his life while I am at home staring at the wall everyday after I put my son to sleep. I hate this.. I hate this cycle so much. Help... when is this suffering going to stop tormenting me.
But Codependents Anonymous is helping me a lot right now. I have just started so maybe I am talking about it with all the enthusiasm of a shiny newcomer, but it is really making a difference to me. There are quite a few meetings in Sydney if you are interested:
ozcoda.webs.com/meetings
(I haven't the faintest idea how to put a live link into a post so you will have to cut and paste - sorry)
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
My xabf would be homeless if it were not for his dad whom he lives with and borrows money from. He lives the carefree life of a 14 year old boy. I was just someone to drive him around with his open container and let him stay with me for 2 years. Finally I moved an hour away from him to get some sanity. that was over a year ago and I was doing well. Today for some unknown reason I found myself missing him. What do I miss? Heck if I know but I know the feeling will pass. I know how you feel because I used to think he was off having fun without me in lala land with girls at the bar or whoever. Truth is he's drinking himself into oblivion, smoking his weed and his cigarettes and passing out in a back room at his daddy's house. Fun times. I agree it's better to be lonely in my little farm house with my two cats who I adore than to be lonely with an a in constant lala land. Still I have those days. You just have to keep working on you and let those feelings pass. They will. And coming here to SR helps a lot! Peace and hugs ...you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 17
I don't get it either, but I truly think that is a 'guy' thing. After 32 years with this man - the LAST thing I am thinking about - is another man. Sure, do I want to feel loved, pretty and cherished? Absolutely! My husband 'just doesn't 'LOVE' me the way he used to'. Well, let the 56 year old, living with his parents, unlicensed, alcoholic who has a breathalizer in his dad's car go searching. I am so, so tired of being treated poorly. I deserve more than he is giving me. I, too, am stuck and wanted to put us back together but yesterday, after he so very calmly told me that he doesn't love me anymore, I snapped. Even though I have had personalized counselling, I need more. I need help. I, too, am so, so angry and hurt.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Men tend to move on to other women pretty quickly, but I see it as a weakness rather than a strength. Even great men who have had really good long-term marriages and lost their wives through death often re-marry far too quickly.
In your case any relationship your ex has is likely to be built on sand because he is an A. He needs the easy way out to keep his lifestyle.
In your case any relationship your ex has is likely to be built on sand because he is an A. He needs the easy way out to keep his lifestyle.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Also the lovey dovey talk probably sounds more like get me another beer would ya? And can I borrow 30 bucks for a case and some cigs? And can you drive me here and pick me up there? And so on.... blah who needs that?! 
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