bringiton

Family of 6, four kids one of which has developmental disabilites that I stay home and take care of. Lost his job because of drinking - of course! So he says this is finally his bottom but its a shame he had to take us all down with him. He has been taking us down for all these years anyways. I actually knew it would happen eventually. Didnt want to admit it or wasnt sure how long it would take. He has actually been at this job for 20 years. Only the last few involved the heavy travel and the fast progression of drinking.

It was such a bad week. He has been up to a case of beer a night for a couple weeks now and was terribly abusive verbally to me. Just ingnored it and did pretty well. He sent me apologizes that I ignored. Words, I'm sick of them. Anyone can use them and say any bit of nonsense they feel will get them what they want.

I'm not even sure how I feel right now. There is no way he could have maintained with his job for as much as he was travelling and drinking. In a way I'm glad he lost it. I do believe that my HP is in control and had everything to do with this. I do think that what happens from this will EVENTUALLY be best for me and the kids. I do trust my HP but I know things happen how my HP wants them to and going by the timeframe my HP wants not mine so that is a little concerning.

Part of me is relieved because MAYBE this is what he needed. Maybe things will get better. Or maybe this means I should run with the kids move in with my parents and disrupt their lives, forget about my house, hope I can get the kids continued therapy.

I have known for less than an hour and I havent screamed or cried yet or done much of anything. Of course havent told kids or anyone yet - he can do that. I guess I'm doing okay? He is going to talk with his psychiatrist tomorrow. Maybe I should ask that we meet with her together after he sees her so she can help us get on the same page about his treatment.

Between still going through the grief of my sons diagnosis and the loss of three family memebers in the last 2 years and this I'm tired. I'll apologize for any misspellings - I think I would only be able to spell choice four letter words correctly at this point. Thanks all for letting me vent. You are all awesome and in a way i feel bad putting this out there because I know all of you have your problems, losses and struggles.

Bullfrog

I'm so sorry... No advice, just hugs. Been there too. It's so scary. God's got this-- just lean into Him.

CodeJob

Vent anytime Bringiton.

I think your idea to pal along with AH to his psych appt might not be a bad idea. It is likely more will be revealed and it might help you decide what your HP is calling you to do about your family and this situation - if anything. Not doing anything is hard for me. But it is an option I am trying to grasp.

Hugs.

bringiton

Thank you so much. I go from being okay to a nervous wreck. I look at my kids and I feel like a failure for ever trusting him. This is a direct result of his alcoholism. No apologies every time I mention a feeling I'm having about it I'm being insensitive to what he is going through. I really don't care what he is going through I care about what the kids will be going through. We already couldn't afford so many treatments for my son that I was having to do now the unknown of the next few months is killing me. I'm just praying I can sleep without nightmares. I moved out of "our" bedroom a few weeks ago which has actually helped. I just want to cuddle with my kids and pretend none of it is real. I can't believe how screwed up this is. I failed my kids they trusted us. He says this is his "bottom" it sure is mine.

I know people can lose a job and move on and be fine. Thank God families survive this but we never needed to be here. Once again it feels like that familiar contest and once again we have lost to the drinking. Praying for guidance and praying for peace and praying for answers...

FeelingGreat

Hi bringiton, I'm thinking of you. I hope this will be a turning point for both of you. Do you have some support in place? A family member, or church or friend?

hopeful4

You are going through so very much. He failed all of you, there is no we. We are here for you no matter what decisions you make. Very very tight hugs.

changeneeded

Hugs to you, I'm sorry you have this added stress with all you've gone through in the past few months. Keep coming here, vent and spill your thoughts all you want. You have some great people here that will have some insight for you. And, keep talking to your HP.

I do trust my HP but I know things happen how my HP wants them to and going by the timeframe my HP wants not mine so that is a little concerning.

Your HP will not bring you here and not be with you, or just quit working at this point!!

unsureoffuture

Im so sorry you are experiencing this. My AH lost his job in February so I know how you feel. It's an added stress on top of the drinking stress. What works for me is to hand it to my HP. It's all out of my control anyway so it does no good to continuously worry about something I cant change. It will all work out the way it was meant to be.

For some it takes this to reach bottom. I pray that it is you AH's bottom. Unfortunately for me it is not. My AH continued to drink and is still unemployed 5 months later.

Refiner

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your kids! I've got to ask... it sounds like he's got a job that's probably an 8-5 type job Monday through Friday? How does one drink a CASE of beer a night? (that's like 4 beers an hour if he was starting at 6 and passing out at midnight) Or was he drinking during the day on the job? Or coming in late all hung over? It must have been quite something he was doing whatever it was if he had been there 20 years and they fired him. That's just terrible. Hang in there.

Kimmieh

Hugs!

BoxinRotz

Time to get a job. Don't ever depend on a man... especially one with an addiction.

Believe me when I tell you, I feel your pain!

bringiton

Refiner - the job actually had a lot of travel and "working dinners" during the travel weeks he had all expenses paid and he would drink at the dinners or if not dinning with coworkers he would get to a bar and drink as much and as fast as he could. That was more important than calling home to the kids even. When he was home a week and working the 9-5 he was sticking to only beer. He was needing to get the same amount of alcohol here as he was getting when he traveled imop. He would start at 5:00 slowly speed up after kids in bed and not stop until I think 2 am most of the time. I'm not really sure when he went to bed I stopped sleeping with him long ago however sometimes I could hear him in the hall. Oh, and don’t forget he needed to take Xanax with all this "to deal with me".

BoxinRotz - I had been working for 15 years when I finally left my job. This was my exact concern. I'm looking at some options where I can get an income and still be able to take care of my boy! I think I will have some reserve funds no matter what from this day forward until I'm dead. Never again.

Unsureoffuture - I’m so sorry and I think I may have a good idea of some of those feelings you probably have. I’m curious, how are you handling the stress???

He saw his doc today and the PLAN is to attend AA Saturday, AA on Sunday and then impatient detox starting Monday morning. I hope he does it and I hope it works however I’m not expecting this to go smoothly. I know nothing will work unless he is ready. We will see how the next few days go. I’m going to discuss some options with my folks for a variety of scenarios.

I needed every single one of those hugs all of you sent and I know you could all probably use some back! This really is an amazing place for me to find support. I also appreciate the honesty. Right now I don’t have much support but I’m looking forward to my first Alanon meeting next week. (I will try to ignore being nervous!) All of them are a bit of a drive away but I’m thinking the quiet time in the car will be nice. This way I can check out a few different ones.

MAGW

Thinking of you Bringiton. The stress will be high no matter what going forward, but you sound like you have a strong sense of peace within you, and down deep you know this will lead you and your children to a better place eventually regardless of how he moves forward. Hold on to that peace to get you through the hard times when it feels like its all falling apart, as we all have felt and goes with the territory of being human I think.