counseling
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 17
counseling
Hi Smoke, thanks for replying so quickly. I didn't mention this in my other post(s) but we have been to marriage counseling- several different counselors- (although it's been at least 2 years, maybe more)- and when I try to say what is bothering me (the lack of companionship and affection) he gets very defensive and tries to pretend that nothing is wrong. Even tonight I asked him to go to counseling and he refused. So I suggested we try to find time alone w/o our son (hard to find someone to watch him that would fit H's schedule) so we can talk, and he said ok. But I have a feeling I know what will happen then- he'll tune me out, find a million excuses to not finish the talk etc. He got really insulted tonight and said I kept blaming HIM for our problems- well, hate to be the bitch, but HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS!! (addiction, depression). I realize that others have it much worse, and I am grateful for what he has done for us, but on the other hand, isn't a spouse supposed to be the one you can count on to love you/hold you/talk to you/share things with you?? I guess I could go to a therapist by myself- I've done that before too- oh well. Hate to sound so negative but I'm feeling pretty low lately. MK
MK
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Meredith,
He may have a problem, but it is HIS problem. He will continue to blame you because it's easier than fixing himself. In the meantime, you have to learn how to live your life. Al-Anon can help you with that. Al-Anon helps me accept that people can't be what I expect them to be. I have to accept people for the way that they are and, if I can't accept the terms, I must end the relationship. If I want to stay in it, I may have to live with someone who is less than what I want in my fantasy life. I pray that things get better for you.
Love,
Happy
He may have a problem, but it is HIS problem. He will continue to blame you because it's easier than fixing himself. In the meantime, you have to learn how to live your life. Al-Anon can help you with that. Al-Anon helps me accept that people can't be what I expect them to be. I have to accept people for the way that they are and, if I can't accept the terms, I must end the relationship. If I want to stay in it, I may have to live with someone who is less than what I want in my fantasy life. I pray that things get better for you.
Love,
Happy
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Hi Happy, I know what I should do, (practice acceptance) but it's just so damn hard to do, and a bit depressing too. Thank you for your prayers- I also am praying things will work out too. MK
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