counseling
 

Hi Smoke, thanks for replying so quickly. I didn't mention this in my other post(s) but we have been to marriage counseling- several different counselors- (although it's been at least 2 years, maybe more)- and when I try to say what is bothering me (the lack of companionship and affection) he gets very defensive and tries to pretend that nothing is wrong. Even tonight I asked him to go to counseling and he refused. So I suggested we try to find time alone w/o our son (hard to find someone to watch him that would fit H's schedule) so we can talk, and he said ok. But I have a feeling I know what will happen then- he'll tune me out, find a million excuses to not finish the talk etc. He got really insulted tonight and said I kept blaming HIM for our problems- well, hate to be the bitch, but HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS!! (addiction, depression). I realize that others have it much worse, and I am grateful for what he has done for us, but on the other hand, isn't a spouse supposed to be the one you can count on to love you/hold you/talk to you/share things with you?? I guess I could go to a therapist by myself- I've done that before too- oh well. Hate to sound so negative but I'm feeling pretty low lately. MK

Hey MK...
okay, He may be the one who started the problem... but now you have one, too. Alanon is a lot cheaper than counseling. Why not start there?

Love,
Smoke

Yes it is. I will check into it. Thank you for your concern http://soberrecovery.com/ubb/smile.gif MK

Meredith,

He may have a problem, but it is HIS problem. He will continue to blame you because it's easier than fixing himself. In the meantime, you have to learn how to live your life. Al-Anon can help you with that. Al-Anon helps me accept that people can't be what I expect them to be. I have to accept people for the way that they are and, if I can't accept the terms, I must end the relationship. If I want to stay in it, I may have to live with someone who is less than what I want in my fantasy life. I pray that things get better for you.

Love,
Happy

Hi Happy, I know what I should do, (practice acceptance) but it's just so damn hard to do, and a bit depressing too. Thank you for your prayers- I also am praying things will work out too. MK