omg, he's gone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
omg, he's gone I am so sad. I can't stop crying. :scared1:
He came over and dropped off all my things that were at his house. My clothes, my bathroom stuff, a book, my fishing pole...everything.
I had been calling him since friday to tell him I wanted to come and get my things. I left a couple of mean messages on friday (something I've never done before). He avoided calling me yesterday then leaves a voicemail that he has all my things packed up.
I feel so bad. Isnt' this what I wanted? I am trying to tell myself getting away from him now is better than what will be down the road. I think of when he's older and gets cirossis of the liver and has his jaw removed from chewing tobacco, wouldn't I feel worse leaving him then?
FUTURE /w HIM: I'm the one on this board telling the story about my A passing out at home every night.
We only went on one vacation. We talked about all the places we would go. We didn't go fishing together like we'd planned this summer, didn't take a canoe ride, we can not cuddle again or eat dinner together again now that we're split.
What have I done? I feel so F%#$% bad. :scared1: I only cooked for him a few times. I wanted to show him how good I could cook.
Why couldn't I just put up with it? He didn't get drunk that often. Maybe should I have talked to him about going to couples therapy for it.
We were onlytogether 6 months! Am I supposed to count myself lucky I found out this soon vs his wife who it took 6 years to get fed up and leave?
Why did I blow up like this anyway? Because he told me he went to a strip club AND had beers? Isn't that what I wanted him to do? Tell me? Did he do it to test me? We had talked about "slips" and "relapses" but it seemed to me if he had already done this after only a week sober (or so he said) how could I expect any better sobriety in the future? I just flipped. I thought I could handle it but completely flipped and withdrew, angry as the devil himself (NOTE: I had quit smoking on Thursday so I was going through my own withdrawal)
Why won't he just stop? OMG. My father was an alcoholic for years...I don't want to end up like my mother.
I am so heartbroken. I have never cared for a guy so much and then had to break up with him for drug use.
How could he choose the alcohol over me?
I feel I'm gonna have to go to therapy now. I didn't known I'd feel this bad. I miss him. :scared1:
giz
He came over and dropped off all my things that were at his house. My clothes, my bathroom stuff, a book, my fishing pole...everything.
I had been calling him since friday to tell him I wanted to come and get my things. I left a couple of mean messages on friday (something I've never done before). He avoided calling me yesterday then leaves a voicemail that he has all my things packed up.
I feel so bad. Isnt' this what I wanted? I am trying to tell myself getting away from him now is better than what will be down the road. I think of when he's older and gets cirossis of the liver and has his jaw removed from chewing tobacco, wouldn't I feel worse leaving him then?
FUTURE /w HIM: I'm the one on this board telling the story about my A passing out at home every night.
We only went on one vacation. We talked about all the places we would go. We didn't go fishing together like we'd planned this summer, didn't take a canoe ride, we can not cuddle again or eat dinner together again now that we're split.
What have I done? I feel so F%#$% bad. :scared1: I only cooked for him a few times. I wanted to show him how good I could cook.
Why couldn't I just put up with it? He didn't get drunk that often. Maybe should I have talked to him about going to couples therapy for it.
We were onlytogether 6 months! Am I supposed to count myself lucky I found out this soon vs his wife who it took 6 years to get fed up and leave?
Why did I blow up like this anyway? Because he told me he went to a strip club AND had beers? Isn't that what I wanted him to do? Tell me? Did he do it to test me? We had talked about "slips" and "relapses" but it seemed to me if he had already done this after only a week sober (or so he said) how could I expect any better sobriety in the future? I just flipped. I thought I could handle it but completely flipped and withdrew, angry as the devil himself (NOTE: I had quit smoking on Thursday so I was going through my own withdrawal)
Why won't he just stop? OMG. My father was an alcoholic for years...I don't want to end up like my mother.
I am so heartbroken. I have never cared for a guy so much and then had to break up with him for drug use.
How could he choose the alcohol over me?
I feel I'm gonna have to go to therapy now. I didn't known I'd feel this bad. I miss him. :scared1:
giz
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Giz
I'm sorry you are sad, but sadness and grieving are part of moving on, so just go ahead and cry your eyes out and feel the sadness...just don't hang out there too long.
The pain you feel today will pass with time, I promise you it will. And you have your whole future to look forward to, where you can go fishing, take canoe rides, have dinners but with someone who will bring you happiness, not pain.
When we go from where we were to where we want to be, we have to go through the "in-between", and that's the place where we heal, learn to live again and find new dreams to replace the dreams we lost.
Wishing you better dreams and fewer nightmares, Giz. And sending a ton of hugs because I know you could use some right now.
Hugs
Ann
I'm sorry you are sad, but sadness and grieving are part of moving on, so just go ahead and cry your eyes out and feel the sadness...just don't hang out there too long.
The pain you feel today will pass with time, I promise you it will. And you have your whole future to look forward to, where you can go fishing, take canoe rides, have dinners but with someone who will bring you happiness, not pain.
When we go from where we were to where we want to be, we have to go through the "in-between", and that's the place where we heal, learn to live again and find new dreams to replace the dreams we lost.
Wishing you better dreams and fewer nightmares, Giz. And sending a ton of hugs because I know you could use some right now.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Giz HUGS from me too. Please count youself lucky it has only been 6 months.
Stick to your guns, if you avoid all phone calls, don't listen to answer machine messages. and never see him in person you should be over this in 3 months. That is if you are fairly young. Sounds like you are active.
Go fishing every chance you get and only talk to men drinking water. Because we find the ones that are or on the way to be alcoholic. You can do this Clancy46
Stick to your guns, if you avoid all phone calls, don't listen to answer machine messages. and never see him in person you should be over this in 3 months. That is if you are fairly young. Sounds like you are active.
Go fishing every chance you get and only talk to men drinking water. Because we find the ones that are or on the way to be alcoholic. You can do this Clancy46
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Toronto
Posts: 11
going through the same thing
Wow ...reading what you posted just hit home. I'm going through the same thing (feelings) and i don't know what to do either. Crying is all i do...confusion...u got it. I miss him so much and i feel sick about the whole thing. Just wanted you to know there is someone out there who understands.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Giz,
In three months you'll know for sure you did the right thing. Like Clancy said just talk to men drinking water.
He packed your stuff and dropped it off to throw you off balance Giz,he doesn't want you to have the upper hand.
You HAVE done the right thing.
Ngaire
In three months you'll know for sure you did the right thing. Like Clancy said just talk to men drinking water.
He packed your stuff and dropped it off to throw you off balance Giz,he doesn't want you to have the upper hand.
You HAVE done the right thing.
Ngaire
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Giant Hugs coming your way.
You may not know it but this too shall pass, nothing comes to stay, not even grief or sadness
Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil
You may not know it but this too shall pass, nothing comes to stay, not even grief or sadness
Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
Thank you all very much.
I still love him. I'm sure every person does who has made the decision to leave.
I hope he will think about things, I HOPE he chooses that I make him happy and alcohol is bad.....but, I understand that he may not. I will also pray for him. To give him the strength to try sobriety.
I will focus on me. I actually do have a lot of things going...
I interviewed for a great job last week. I am on Day 4 of not smoking. Ikea opens this week. I'm moving to a new apartment at the end of the month.
Someone said something in the forum about an alcoholic not been able to meet your needs, let alone your dreams. Reading that, I realize I want a partner who cares about me, who wants the best for me and theirself. Career, Spiritual, Health.
thank you all,
giz
I still love him. I'm sure every person does who has made the decision to leave.
I hope he will think about things, I HOPE he chooses that I make him happy and alcohol is bad.....but, I understand that he may not. I will also pray for him. To give him the strength to try sobriety.
I will focus on me. I actually do have a lot of things going...
I interviewed for a great job last week. I am on Day 4 of not smoking. Ikea opens this week. I'm moving to a new apartment at the end of the month.
Someone said something in the forum about an alcoholic not been able to meet your needs, let alone your dreams. Reading that, I realize I want a partner who cares about me, who wants the best for me and theirself. Career, Spiritual, Health.
thank you all,
giz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
haha, pretty funny to read my own post two years ago. The same thing happend again only more violent. I wish I'd given up before. Oh well, we did have some great times together and I made it out safely.
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
The pain of loss is excrutiating....sorry you are feeling it. BUT, think about what you are actually losing, and maybe it will fall into the right category. Take your time(not TOO long) and then start to find a twinkle of hope of a future without the distress.
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