iamthird

This thread is tough and painful to read. There is a woman who justified her relationship with my husband as well. I seriously feel sick reading this thinking of the the pain that family has in store for them because My child and I are feeling it right now...

Hammer

Well, dug this up for Steelman, but it looks likes this award can be shared . . .

red saying dumb ass - YouTube

PippiLngstockng

Hang on folks, I understand we all have issues here - but I haven't even held the guy's hand for pete's sake.

iamthird

By even being there, an emotional affair is an affair. A family is a family.

marie1960

Pippi,

My exhusband had a one night stand, i found out, he swore it meant absolutely nothing, he was never so wrong in his life, it meant everything.

Doesn't matter if you haven't even held his hand, let's just keep this real simple;

Do unto others, as you would have them do to you .

Stung

He's a dirtbag. And you already know it but you're trying to convince yourself otherwise. I have no doubts that it feels good to be wanted and chased after but find an available man to play hard to get with. This one is unavailable in more ways than one, no doubt!

PippiLngstockng

I personally do not mind when a person I am seeing has friendships and light flirtations with other women. I have always had men friends in my life and sometimes they make me laugh and I am attracted to them. My friendships with men are important to me, much as I adore the women in my life. I cannot imagine disallowing my partner to be alive and have his own thoughts and friendships with both sexes. Where things cross the line is when ideas are physically acted upon.

If my partner were to fall in love with someone else but didn't act on those feelings, I would be impressed and not angry.

marie1960

hell I'm a gambling woman, and I'm going to bet you would be singing a different tune if your spouse fell in love with someone else, pretty certain he just didn't fall in love with her in passing.............

LoveMeNow

THAT's how YOU would feel, but it completely discounts out how SHE would feel and has most likely already felt. I doubt you are the first. Is he even being honest with her and allowing her to choose if she is Ok with this friendship?

Despite what your ego thinks, this isn't about you. It's all about him and his ego. You are simply a pawn in his own sick game.

I wish you luck. And I hope your kids never find out about this friendship. IMO, you will lose their respect, you will lose your credibility and could even loses them.

killerinstinct

pippi, when my husband got caught with someone like you and I put him
in the spot, he told me that she was a crazy psycho and turned on her completely and left her heart broken... and cut her off and didn't give a crap about her feelings at all. Just went onto the next woman to give him an ego boost. trust me if she finds out you'll be the crazy one and the laughing stock in town

killerinstinct

pippi do you honestly think you're the only one? My question is how would you feel if you found out he was doing the same thing with another woman? if it didn't bother you than id say what this is about is you falling in love with the feelings not him, if that's the case then you know he's not what you're looking for its the vibes that the situation give you that you're yearning for

happybeingme

Pippi,

You are going to do what you want so I wont waste my time telling you what I think ofnthe situation. I will only say this. If that were my husband and I found out I would make it my lifes work to ruin your life. Facebook would light up, emails would go out, I would let your ex know, your employer, the kids teachers. You would be driven out of town under the cover of darkness. You are walking a real fine line. Think about it

HopefulmomtoD

What a bunch of justifications. You're doing this because it makes you feel good. Personally, I've never been able to enjoy something if it could hurt other people. Marriages don't have secret flirt partners. Does his wife know about you and your texting and dates? If you wouldn't do everything you are saying and doing in front of her, then its wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Would you like your daughters to be treated like he's treating his wife someday? Would you like your sons to treat their wives like this someday? This is the example you are showing them.

BTW ... most men/women in affairs talk about their terrible marriages. Sometimes its true, many times its not. He's flirting with you because something is missing in him. It most likely has nothing to do with his wife.

needingabreak

Pippi wrote this "And the men. I am seriously falling for a married man. He is texting me daily and we've gone out twice, as 'friends'. I told myself I could keep it platonic, but one more incredible evening like last night and I am in big trouble.
I would need him to something really lousy like date a 19 year old to extricate myself. "
and this: "I have thought and thought. And remain in a slippery spot. I stand forewarned.

I am not looking for a rescue. That's my job. To rescue myself. "

Pippi you say you have not even held his hand YET.
We all know how this goes. We all know you start out as "friends" as you put it and then you meet for coffee or lunch and then it is drinks and dinner and pretty soon it is your place or a hotel.
We all know where this leads. It is your life and you make your own decisions as you state but please do not sit here and justify your meeting with him as just friends when you clearly like him and want him. You know it is not innocent and so do we.
You are looking at a man who cares only about two things, his ego and his small head. Period. I am trying to hurt your feelings here but men who cheat care only about the conquest and what they get out of it. You as a person mean nothing and the minute his SO finds out you are history faster than a speeding car.
That is fact.

LoveMeNow

As a few of you already know, I recently had a married man, whose wife has relapsed, try to befriend me. He is handsome, funny and very charismatic. I won't deny that I found his attention very flattering. Almost a high in a sense. But ultimately I knew he really wanted one thing and it wasn't my friendship. I made it clear that married or committed men are off limits. He tried harder using different tactics. He refused to acknowledge my requests, so I blocked him.

Was it tempting? Could I have justified it? Rationalized it? Yes! But the bottom line was I knew it was wrong, I have always ignored red flags, I am working on getting healthy and this was not the path I needed to take to achieve my goals. I am so thankful I have done enough internal work on me, to stay clear of this situation.

Married men or committed men are off limits. In fact, they disgust me. I am not going to be the prey for their ego. I will not be a party to hurting someone else. I will not allow my vulnerabilities to ever be exploited again. I have firm boundaries in this area, thankfully.

Thumper

Aww Pippi. You deserve to feel alive and wonderful and desirable. You also deserve to come by those feelings genuinely and honestly. This guy - he's not genuine or honest. He plays this game with many woman over and over - it is what people like him do.

To enjoy the chase and be able to walk away or draw the lines - that is a tall order. We feel strong when we talk about the games *we* are playing but always remember - he's playing a game too. He is using you to feel good - just like you are using him to feel good. His game is fundamentally different. He is playing you. The catch here is that you are playing yourself - all kinds of mind tricks to make this OK. There is *no* way for you to win this game. You just decide how painful the loss is going to be. The longer you keep playing - the higher the stakes and the more painful the ending.

When you mark time dancing with this guy, you are closing yourself off to dancing with the available, wonderful, genuine men that walk through your life. You are cheating yourself. You are selling yourself short. There is a lot of talk on this thread about respecting people you do not know (and I get that) but Pippi - respect yourself as well and do not settle for this - even temporarily.

I have not been in this exact situation but it was similar enough that I think I can understand your feelings so I just wanted to respond to you but I'm not articulating my thoughts very well. I can understand why the replies are what they are but this is a support board for you and I think you need some right now. When you think about ending this and don't want to (or get obsessed when he doesn't call/text) this is an indication that you are in it knee deep. You are not in control. Get out of it before you are in up to your neck.

SparkleKitty

This, this this a thousand times this.

You have reported a lot of male attention in the last several months, but fixate on the one that is unavailable. That's something worth investigating.

needingabreak

Thumper you said it much better than I. I know the danger of flirting with this. Pippin you probably don't even realize you are staying in quick sand. Before you know it the innocent talks are no longer innocent and your feelings will overtake rational thought. It is a high to be wanted and chased. I don't want to see you hurt as he rides off into the sunset unscathed. 99 times out of 100 that is the outcome.

CodeJob

Well this is interesting Pippi. I admire you for even posting this on SR.

How many women train with the triathalon group? Are you spending your time more fully with the males on this training team? You have mentioned previously that you are noticing some distance between you and others in the community. Are some people perceiving you as a threat?

You are right though that you are not in the US and intimate relationships regularly include multiple partners.

What are your long term plans for remaining in this community? How much longer before you are working and making enough money to have a more balanced budget? How much longer before your divorce is wrapped up? What will happen to your kids' social milieu if you get pegged as 'that woman?'

You don't have to answer any of this. There are a lot of downstream issues to be considered.

Hammer

And meanwhile . . . with eyes OFF the prize . . . the Targeted Prize being a functional independent Pippi, with a job -- not relying on outside contributions -- how is the Job Stuff going?

And Steps Program?

And Secure housing, etc., for the kids?

You can get a **** later. There are about 3 billion on the planet.

You can even get one without entanglements.

Really NOT dogging you sister, same thing here, just different flavors -- but you know what really is the definition of NOT being an A?

Delayed Gratification.