day 10
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ireland
Posts: 55
day 10
well today is day 10 of no contact and the last 2 days were so hard. a lot of feelings of longing and missing the alcoholic even though logically i know i don't want to go back. then last night i got a text from him. for the first time ever i deleted it right away along with his number. it wasn't easy but i know if i get back in it's only going to be more of the same.
he told me 10 days ago we should just be friends because we are always niggling at each other- no. he behaves in an unacceptable way and i call him on it. it's not niggling, i'm not the one calling him names, deliberately trying to make him jealous, physically stopping him from leaving a room. and then he tries to get back in with a silly text. probably drinking at the time.
and still. even though i know all this i miss the good bits. but i know that every time i get through a challenge without running to him, every time i don't respond to his attempts to engage me again, i get a bit stronger and i get back a little more of my dignity and self respect. it's been a great help reading posts on here and info about being in a relationship with an alcoholic. it seems we all go through similar stuff. i do wonder about giving understanding and compassion to the alcoholic as recommended by al-anon. i know i tried but it was just hurting me too much and i had to stop letting him hurt me. thanks all.
he told me 10 days ago we should just be friends because we are always niggling at each other- no. he behaves in an unacceptable way and i call him on it. it's not niggling, i'm not the one calling him names, deliberately trying to make him jealous, physically stopping him from leaving a room. and then he tries to get back in with a silly text. probably drinking at the time.
and still. even though i know all this i miss the good bits. but i know that every time i get through a challenge without running to him, every time i don't respond to his attempts to engage me again, i get a bit stronger and i get back a little more of my dignity and self respect. it's been a great help reading posts on here and info about being in a relationship with an alcoholic. it seems we all go through similar stuff. i do wonder about giving understanding and compassion to the alcoholic as recommended by al-anon. i know i tried but it was just hurting me too much and i had to stop letting him hurt me. thanks all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I have found it much easier to be understanding and compassionate from a distance. We can feel compassion without being obligated by it. I do this through limited contact- we have a son, otherwise it would be nc and by turning him over to his higher power rather than fretting and worrying about what he's doing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: nh
Posts: 339
For me also...today is day 10 nc. It was the compassion and empathy that kept me sucked in. So I have decided that it is too soon for trying to have compassion and forgiveness, as it quickly turns to guilt and blameing/second guessing myself. Its ok to grieve and be angry...even if he is sick! Right now I am working on acceptence and letting the universe do its job. I also got a picture text on thursday (i have him blocked so he cant send word texts) and oddly enough thats what it took for me to finally cry! What a relief that was! I am useing this time to heal, and give myself a break. Hang in there. One day t a time..live and let live....let go and let God.
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