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Humanity Switch

Old 06-20-2014, 03:02 PM
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Humanity Switch

I don't watch this, but was just with T, who equated things to the Vampire Diaries characters, who have a "humanity switch". When it's on, they feel everything- hurt, love, all the feelings they are experiencing as a result of life. When it's off, they feel nothing--no pain, no highs or lows emotionally. But when they switch it back, they are hit with all of the emotions that have been piling up as a result of all of their experiences. She said it's a big WHAM!

Equating that to addiction, that could be emotionally what it's like to try to step off the alcohol/drug. Can you imagine getting hammered with years of feelings at once? I'm not an addict so don't know.

She did say that the vampires on the show prefer humanity ON, even though it stinks to transition back.

In my case we were discussing the "box of emotions" I set aside to make it through the worst of things. Well over a year post-divorce and there are still a few things in there I haven't been ready to fully "turn back on" and face...so the analogy works pretty well there too. Anyway, thought you might find it interesting!
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Old 06-20-2014, 04:42 PM
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very good analogy...when I was smoking crack (geezus) during the act itself I was of a single mind, how much dope was left on the plate. until it would roll around to abut 2 or 3 in the morning and we had to go to work in a few hours. then I hated it. but ya don't stop til it's gone.

then there was dragging my sorry underfed, underslept, coming down off the dope AZZ to work, feeling just spectacular as you can imagine. we were pretty much in the day on day off cycle so that day it would just be crawling home and dying. that was IF I made it to work! if I didn't, then i'd be wracked with guilt and just hating life.

next day comes, feeling better somewhat, get to work, vowing no more uh uh not gonna happen. sometimes i'd get a weird sick feeling....and the phone would ring and my husband would say "we had a visitor" - meaning the dopeman had just been by - and I would break the land speed record to get home with ONE single thought in mind. even before ingesting any drugs, all other thoughts would be erased. just......gone. I wouldn't even try to say no....are you out of your mind? HE has crack, and he is smoking it RIGHT NOW and I want some.

today, almost 8 years out, I still can't believe that was me. that was what I had become. nothing ever in my life took me over to such a degree, controlled my mind like that. I called it the cracktor-beam.

back when I had relapsed on drinking and was going out to the bar to drink and dance, I remember feeling more relaxed and AT HOME there than I did in my own home. like everybody got me there, like I was safe. how crazy is that? to leave your house and your husband in order to go off whooping it up at the gay bar - and get blind ass drunk and either drive home like that or go to my bestest gay friends house and crash and not even GO home!?

yeah those were good times. not. but I was so caught up in thinking that was what I needed I just couldn't think straight. as addicts are fond of saying: IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.
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