NWGRITS

Our chaplain told us during a marriage retreat workshop that the only difference between an emotional affair and a physical one is opportunity. If he's done it before and is doing it now, chances are pretty good it will continue happening. The question now is how much are you willing to accept? Where do you draw the line?

POAndrea

Yes, that's exactly it. Over the past couple days, I've examined all my relationships and my emotions, and I didn't find there is potential for any shenanigans anywhere. (Plus, menopause has been such an absolute B!TCH for so long I don't even remember what That Feeling is like!) I'm think I'm just so lucky to have friends and family who love me as much as they do. I don't have any biological brothers or sisters, but I wonder if this is what it's like to have a whole lot of them. I think the relationships have always been this strong, only I never noticed because I never needed to draw on them. (Oh, I'm such a bad friend, aren't I? Must be more appreciative!!)

And SparkleKitty's question as to what I'm getting out of my marriage that makes me stay? Dunno. Nothing, really, I guess, but I stay because I honestly think it's the right thing to do. I also know that this too shall pass. The fact he's sober doesn't mean his illness isn't terminal, only that he is likely to live longer than if he'd continued to drink. While I can't pretend What Would People Say if I left my poor, dying husband doesn't upset me, I must admit the voice in my head (conscience?) is a much bigger factor in that decision. And it's made easier because even in better times, I've never believed that a spouse can "be all" to another person. I've thought it was unrealistic to expect one person (no matter how much I respected him) to meet all my needs, and understood I couldn't meet all of his (if that meant I didn't have to go on the fishing trips, then all to the better!) I just made my primary loyalty to him and negotiate all the other connections in ways that will not dishonor him or me.