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Just Need Support

Old 06-20-2014, 07:42 AM
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Just Need Support

As always, my problem has to do with my AH and spending. Yes, I'm trying to leave and it's taking me way to long but I have my own emotional issues I'm working on that have kept me stuck.

Once again it's my AH's spending. I questioned him about one of the items he was buying trying to get an exact idea of what he spent and he got angry at my asking but of course he's already put a deposit down and is telling me after the fact. And he expects me to keep covering the expenses and after just getting a rough idea of what he spent today, I'm having trouble even moving from shock. Just sitting here in a depressed huddle.

Need someone to kick me along the path.

Really overwhelmed at the moment by this and of course dumb me, I told him I'd try to cover the checks and all of a sudden he was saying I love you babe.

I know what's right in front of my eyes but I'm stuck and I spend the day beating myself up for being so dumb.

I don't even know how to push myself forward any longer. I'm just overwhelmed.

I've fallen into the pit of craziness and having a hard time crawling out.
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Old 06-20-2014, 07:52 AM
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Don't cover the checks
You can change your mind.

If your sweat and labor will pay for it, you have a right to say no
or at least have input about a big purchase.

It isn't too late to refuse to take on another new thing. . .
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Old 06-20-2014, 07:53 AM
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TTL, I don't have any words of wisdom.

Money issues trigger me something wicked -- we lived in a super nice house in a fancy neighborhood; AXH was drinking top-shelf alcohol and yelling at me for spending too much money on food. It's something that's following me still, four years after the divorce. Always worrying about whether there's going to be food.

The general thing I would say is don't focus on this -- focus on whether you want to continue living like this. ((hugs))
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Old 06-20-2014, 07:56 AM
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Lillamy, totally understand. I got yelled at because I chose a more expensive brand name peanut butter than generic. Hawkeye, thank you. I want a new life. I'm just so depressed now from the mess I'm sitting in I feel stuck and unable to get going. Thank you both.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:38 AM
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TTL, do you have any support just for you? Therapy or Al-Anon? Or just someone to listen who is not his friend or family member as well?

I know when you are in that dark place, reaching out for help and support seems impossible. But you made it here. Try to find some momentum to get some invaluable face to face support.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:41 AM
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I have a good friend who helps me but she has her own worries at the moment. My attorney can help me with the legal aspects but that's it. There's an Al-Anon meeting tomorrow and I'm going to go to that. Thank you.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:50 AM
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I am glad you have an attorney. Please consider therapy to deal with all the stress you are going through. One on one counseling changed my life for the better in innumerable ways.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:53 AM
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I can't afford therapy at the moment unfortunately but will go as soon as I can.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:55 AM
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Tryingtolearn---getting yelled at for the brand of peanut butter sounds like verbal and emotional abuse. You don't deserve this and it is wrong for him to do this.
You don't have to live like this.
I hear that you feel very depressed and discouraged.....like SparkleKitty said....please summon your energy and courage to reach out for help. There IS help for you and you are not alone!

Going to an alanon meeting would be a start. Getting a counselor to talk to would be another start. Calling a domestic violence center and talking to a volunteer over the phone is an excellent way to find the various resources and support in order to leave if you would like that. They are wonderfully understanding and gentle--without judgement.
No obligation--just anonymous help.

Do reach out your hand....

You can get through this, just like so m any of us before you who have walked in your shoes....

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Old 06-20-2014, 09:01 AM
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Thank you.
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Old 06-20-2014, 09:02 AM
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TryingtoLearn....I feel your pain and feelings of being in a pit. I can let you know I had to crawl out of my pit with Baby steps....baby steps! Be gentle with yourself.... you have already been beat up enough. Going to an Al-Anon meeting with be so good for you! You will learn how to take those Baby Steps and start taking care of "you"!

There IS light at the end of the dark tunnel of alcoholism and there are A LOT of people that will hold out their hand to you to help you through. Each day will get better, little by little. You WILL survive and you will learn to be happy and full of life again! I promise!!

Sending a giant hug and prayers for your healing.
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Old 06-20-2014, 09:30 AM
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I feel your pain! theres no food to speak of in our fridge but ABF wants to buy a jetski.

The emotional struggles are the hardest. I'm in your position, preparing to leave. Its even harder when you have no extra money to speak of to get out the door with.

Sending you prayers for strength and happiness!
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