What do you do when you're triggered?

Old 06-24-2014, 08:40 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Wow. Does denial grow back? Because I'm pretty sure I was just in denial again.

I just called AH out for smelling like crap again. He lied and blamed a poor diet again. I said I don't appreciate being lied to. I will not be fooled again. I want nothing to do with confessions or complaints or woe is me stories or tales of anxiety. It's none of those things. It's alcoholism. Not my problem and I need to untangle myself from this crap.

He then called me back crying and confessed to having a 24 ounce beer after work today and apologized for lying to me. I'm sure it was more and he's still lying to me. 24 ounces of beer doesn't make you smell.

Then I realized that this is the EXACT SAME SH!T just a different damn day. From my very first SR post…

I've now learned that the stench that is seemingly always on him isn't from dehydration or Chinese food or fast food or bad hygiene, its alcohol seeping from his pores.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

There isn't even any variety in his lies. I'm so amazingly stupid.

When will I learn?! How many damn times do I have to go through this before I can see ******** for the ******** that is it?!

And this:

I just want to have regular people problems again.
I'm so far back at the drawing board that I might be standing on the other side of it at this point. Holy crap at myself.
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:44 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Im sorry. The lies are horrible. Hugs friend.
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:59 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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(((((hugs))))) I'm sorry, that totally blows.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:08 PM
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Oh Stung, so many of your posts remind me of mine. My husband played the "recovery card" but he did it for me and us but not for him. It didn't last. I went through the same cycles of things being wonderful, then relapse. It simply blew my mind. How could he relapse after a fantastic, fun and romantic week away?? Eventually, his addiction took over and I just couldn't do it anymore.

Sadly, I finally ended things but I took the difficult road and continued to be involved with him. It was like pulling off the bandaid slowly. I wouldn't recommend that for anyone.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:23 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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I'm still not ready to end my marriage yet. Although, I cannot articulate why not. I'm married to someone who only thinks of himself all of the time. I'm not really sure what I'm getting out of this partnership right now and I know that this isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life but I cannot really see how a divorce will positively impact my or my childrens' lives right now either.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:30 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stung View Post
I'm still not ready to end my marriage yet. Although, I cannot articulate why not. I'm married to someone who only thinks of himself all of the time. I'm not really sure what I'm getting out of this partnership right now and I know that this isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life but I cannot really see how a divorce will positively impact my or my childrens' lives right now either.
It took me a long time to get there and I am still not 100% all the way there. If you ever decide to, it will only be when or if you are ready. Not a minute before.

I really wanted the "light switch" experience of it's over that so many have had, I didn't get it though. Some days are a still a struggle but the good days are far more frequent.

But when he stopped trying, I finally accepted I had to as well. I hate addiction!!

Eta - the more I worked on me, the more I wanted better!
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Old 06-25-2014, 06:48 AM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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Well Stung, if you aren't ready to walk, what about getting tough about No Contact
and maybe getting a more formal (including visitation with children times fixed) seperation drawn up?

He keeps "getting by" with the relapses, and nothing much changes so what can you
change so there is a real, unpleasant, and meaningful consequence to his actions?

Otherwise you are going to go batshite crazy, which you don't need on top of being
effectively a single-parent and starting a business.

What do you need next, in other words?
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Old 06-25-2014, 06:53 AM
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I'm so sorry, Stung. It sounds like he is not ready to make real changes yet.
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Old 06-25-2014, 06:57 AM
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I was thinking about this.....and I have known several couples over the years that never did get divorced. They just lived separately and went on with their individual lives, pretty much unfettered, yet seemed content with their legally married status.

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