Olemisslauren

I realize this sounds like a stupid question, since it's best to abstain for the alcoholic's sake. But, I'm 33 and single, living away from my parents. And the reason I go to al-anon is because I'm an ACOA-Adult child of an alcoholic. A vey high functioning alcoholic. My Father isn't even aware that he is an alcoholic! I also attend Al-Anon as a support group for my codependency, people pleasing, perfectionist, boundary less behaviors that are results of being an ACOA. I also struggle with depression & anxiety. My question is, in general, do members of Al-Anon drink themselves, even if they're not alcoholics. I want to make the best of my recovery, but I do drink on occasion & not in excess. The last time I drank was one glass of wine 2 weeks ago. And I never drink alone. Just a glass or two of wine on special occasions. Is this hypocritical? Are there other Al-Anon members who drink?

allysen

Yes, I do drink. I'm not an alcoholic. I stopped for a long time when my XAH was still living here and trying to get sober. After he moved out, I started again. Al-Anon is not anti-alcohol, so it's not hypocritical. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Olemisslauren

Thanks! New to the program, so still trying to figure it all out!

Seren

Hello Miss Lauren,

You have asked basically the same question across several different forums. What do you want to do? Are you NOT wanting to drink in front of someone you know (father for example) who is an alcoholic? Are you wanting to occasionally drink but are worried about what may or may not be correct? Has someone told you that you cannot drink inspite of the fact that you are not an alcoholic?

jacrazz

These are questions that I have asked myself in regards to my own drinking. I am an ACoA myself and an "occasional" drinker. I have asked myself recently why do I drink and I really don't have an answer besides the fact that I love the taste of an ice cold beer once and a while....I know when to say "enough" when drinking but not when it comes to boundaries and rescuing.....quite bizarre

Olemisslauren

I just started going to Al-anon meetings this week. The first meeting only had 5 members & they were all talking about how they don't drink either. I was just wondering if that was some kind of rule for al-anon.

Thanks for the help! Sorry for the confusion!

lillamy

My impression is Al-Anon has no rules other than the steps and traditions that you go through at the beginning of each meeting.

I can relate to the difficulty with "handling" alcohol mentally/emotionally, though, when you've seen the damage it can cause so up-close and personal. I haven't made a decision to not drink -- but I have to tell you it's pretty rare that I do. My kids, who grew up with an alcoholic dad, are very anti-drinking and anti-drugs -- they've all made the decision that even though there's not a clear heredity in addiction, they don't want to take the risk.

m1k3

Yes I drink as well. Being old and own my own I will enjoy a craft beer or a high end single malt scotch before bed. Because I enjoy high quality drinks I never over do. It's just too expensive.

Your friend,

love4menotu

Yup.. I have a glass of wine on occasion, maybe once or twice a month? I'm not an alcoholic so it's not verboten. It's the cigarettes I wish I could kick!!

I wouldn't drink around my xabf tho.. Never.

NWGRITS

I do drink, just not often. I'll have one if we stumble upon a new craft beer or happen to be in a restaurant that has good local beer on draft. I don't drink for "fun" since I don't like the way most things make me feelthe next day, but I do enjoy a good craft beer now and then.

Seren

I've only been to about a dozen meetings at my home group....love them, but they are clear across town now. Never once did any of the members or any of the literature state that I had to abstain from drinking.

As a general rule, when we are at dinner with my stepson or I'm around any of my alcoholic relatives, I do not drink. I'm not much of a drinker anyway--I have a bottle of wine at home that I purchased in December of 2012, and it is still more than half-way full.

honeypig

Olemisslauren, I'm glad you're going to Alanon for support for yourself. Can I suggest going to a couple of different meetings, if that's possible? I certainly don't want to disparage your current meeting, but it's my experience that sometimes very small meetings like that do not offer the breadth of experience that a larger meeting often does. As someone who's new to the program, you may find more help in your early days in a place where there are more folks to share their ES&H. And of course each meeting seems to have its own flavor, so there is that, too.

Can I suggest checking into some Alanon literature, too? Doing some reading might help you understand what Alanon's purpose is. If you go to Amazon and search "Alanon literature", you'll find tons of options. There are several daily readers; Carlotta posts here daily from "Courage to Change", so check that out if you want to see what those are like. I'd also recommend "How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics" and "Paths to Recovery" as good starting points.

And to answer your question, I do drink on occasion.

redatlanta

Yes I also drink but rarely. Some people's response to living with an alcoholic is to hate it so much they choose not to or just don't' like it. Nothing wrong at all if you choose to.

CodeJob

RAH has told me I can drink around him. His DOC was beer so I stick with a glass of wine or a margarita here and there. On occasion he watches me with a bemused expression like my ability to drink is such a waste. It has made me very aware that I drink to take the edge off. Maybe he is just waiting for me to chill my Codie self out!

Florence

I like wine, but not much else. Like Mike, my wine is too expensive to make a habit of it, so I might buy a bottle a week -- that's about 3-4 glasses of wine.

If I felt like I was drinking to cope with my life, that would be a major red flag that my mental health was slipping. That's never really been my MO though.

What living with an alcoholic did for me was suck all the life out of the "party" -- the binge-drinking shenanigans that I thought were fun before. What makes me uncomfortable in a social situation today is a focus or emphasis on alcohol. A bar/pub is fine, but is everyone there to get plowed? If so, I get really uncomfortable. Is there a drunk guy in the corner yelling at all passersby? That also makes me uncomfortable. And nothing gets to me quite like the "surprise drunk," when I'm interacting with someone and suddenly realize they've been drinking. It sends up red flag after red flag in my brain, whether or not that's fair to the person whose been drinking.

I guess alcohol is the catalyst, but it's really the drunken behavior that gets to me. In moderation, that's not a problem.

honeypig

This is what my RAH has said to me also--his DOC was blackberry brandy, and I drink wine, beer or cider on the occasions when I do drink. I still don't tend to drink around him much, though--generally if I do have a drink, it's w/my brother after a race, and the hub isn't there.

LivingLife4Me

I have been in Al-Anon for a few years now, and I rarely drink around my AH. That usually happens when he has pressured me so much and wants to pick a fight that I do have a drink with him. I hate doing that though. I don't even enjoy being around him, much less drink with him.

I occasionally have a beer at my mom's house, or a stronger beverage at my dad's or sister's. I may have a drink out at dinner with friends.

Sue

NWGRITS

Any time I open a bottle of wine, it's usually for cooking. LOL. I may have a glass, but the rest gets portioned into freezer bags to use with roasts or tetrazini later on. We've probably set a record for longest amount of time a bottle of tequila has sat on top of a refrigerator. We just don't drink liquor.

PurpleKnight

I attended Al-anon and Alateen when I was younger, you don't have to be teetotal to attend, just the family/friend of an alcoholic, not everyone that drinks is an alcoholic!!

Don't worry, you can continue a "normal" life with "normal" drinking and still attend, if you have a problem with alcohol then it's time to upgrade to AA meetings, but for the time being don't worry!!

shil2587

For me, it's not a question of what other people might think or how it might affect the alcoholic in my life. I stopped drinking because alcohol became the thing that tore up my relationship. Drinking wasn't in any way enjoyable. I hated it and when I was around drinking I would get angry and silently judge. Later when I had the occasional glass, I did it to somehow get even. I know that's stupid but the thought would cross my mind that if he could drink then why shouldn't I? Then on the two occasions I did so, I proceeded to get pretty drunk because it made me feel closer to him l and felt like a way of taking my anger out on something, me.

So I chose not to drink ever again because it made me hurt and feel uncomfortable. Only in the last month have I had a drink with friends and not felt anxious about it.

I suppose I am saying that if drinking makes you feel uncomfortable then don't. Give yourself time to heal. It's like PTSD. Or it was for me. It really doesn't matter whether it affects others or what they think about it. If you need to stop, do. If it doesn't bother you, great.