Patticakes

Grieving the loss of our hopes and dreams is such a painful place to be! I am SO sorry and I hope with each passing day the tears will come less frequently and the pain will dull.
The percentage of time life has been what I hoped and dreamed of with my AH has been very, very low. What I find myself grieving over is that I never really had my hopes and dreams come true. I have to let go of those hopes and dreams....when at one point in our life together everything in me believed we would have it all! SO painful, SO hard to let go of those dreams.
I am so sorry your hopes and dreams have been dashed. My heart hurts for you too.
HUGS!!

Butterfly

Yes me too I thought everything we wanted together would come true and that we could get through anything. It's hard to start new dreams.

Patticakes

Hard but not impossible. We have what it takes.

Butterfly

We certainly do lol

spiderqueen

^^^This is true.^^^^^ I promise. I am living proof, Confused.

Please take heart, and surround yourself with your own loving kindness, and the support of the people who truly love you.
((hugs))

Butterfly

I have realised something today. Every time my AH binged And disregarded my feelings I lost a bit more respect and trust in him. I also lost a part of myself each time as I refused to look at his actions and tell myself he really loves me he means it this time when he promises to stop drinking and get help. I wanted to believe what deep down I knew would never happen. I wanted to believe the best.

I am beginning to realise that I lost respect for myself and wonder whether I truly was in love with him or was I just scared of being by myself and feeling that I wasn't good enough for him when I should be thinking that he's not good enough for me if he treats me and our kids this way.

I don't believe my expectation were so high that he couldn't live up to them. I wanted him to stop drinking and seek help so we could have a happy marriage. I don't think he will seek help he is so scared of dealing with what happened to him in his childhood and this I think is his stumbling block. He sought counselling once and when this issue came up that was the end of that.

I think my marriage was over a long time ago I just didn't want to acknowledge it not sure I still do but with time comes healing and acceptance

dandylion

confused---I marvel at how you have come along so nicely, in your pain. You have come from the acute agony (yes, grief feels that bad), in the beginning....to now, getting glimpses of the BIG PICTURE. I can see that your feet are beginning to touch solid ground.

You are still early-on in your journey---and, so I know it will still be touch-and-go for you sometimes. But, I know you are going to be fine when it is all said and done.

That is why I am doing the happy dance for you.......

I am going to send you a pm (private messsage)...look to the top, right hand side of the page.

dandylion

dandylion

confused--on another note--I think a lot of people suffer abuse in their childhood (especially sexual abuse) and it has detrimental affects that they carry into their adulthood because they are too afraid to get help--or, don't even know that they can be helped. I breaks my heart.....

So, I hear what you are saying. You have done all that you can do. You can still pray that he might want help bad enough to get it..down the road. Many of us reach the point that that is all we can do---and, leave the rest of it up to the Universe.

I am going to send you a pm (private message).

dandylion

Butterfly

Thank you dandylion and I love you happy dance lol