rabbit

Hi there,
I have visited this sight before. But , a long time ago. My H has been really good for the past almost a year now. He has had just a couple within a 4 mon. period. He decided to quit about a year ago. he went to get help. but, decided that he could do it on his own. This has been the best year ever for us. I just can't get over the thought of his starting up again. I am always thinking about what if? Or always thinking that he will start again. These thoughts are driving me crazy. Last weekend a couple times he metioned that a beer sounded good. I just felt sick to my stomach, but I didn't say a word. This just made me think that he is prepping me for it. I know I just need to take a day at a time. I'm scared to think that the cycle will start again. This is the longest he has ever gone. But, I can't help but think about it all the time. Any adivice to get my mind off of the what ifs? would be great. Thanks

TheresaTerry

I relate to your question in a big way since I used to think it frequently.

After a roller coaster of “what if’s� I have found that wondering about it only caused me unnecessary worries and seemed to add to the unglued feeling I’d experience when my AH did drink. I never liked my first reaction when my AH choose to drink although it was mostly internal. Instead of saying “what if,� I’ve learned to say, “how can I keep my peace and serenity if he chooses to drink.� This path has brought me the most satisfaction and peace. It works well for me.

Maybe you'll find it helpful to you, too.
Hugs,
Terry

rabbit

Thanks that does sound good I will have to work on that.

I just really have a feeling with the way he has been saying that a beer sounds good and ask me to go buy some over the weekened. That he just might start again. It just makes me sick to think it, especially after a year. I told him no when he asked and left the room. SOmetimes I wish I just had the right words to say. But, it is his life and if that is what he chooses, I just need to keep myself in positive mode and doing what helps me. Thanks for the reply.

lmm8878

I can totally relate to the feelings that you are going through. My boyfriend has stuggled with alcohol for quite awhile and I have just learned that he was an alcoholic - I was naive and uneducated about the disease. There have been countless times - months, years that I would get sick when he would leave the house to go play ball or whatever worried about what he was going to do and if he was not going to follow through with the commitments he made. What I have learned was that voicing my concerns and nagging him about not messing up only drove him to mess up. I also learned that worrying started to control my life and I was spending all the good times and bad times miserable because I was not able to accept that things were fine I was always concerned about what was going to happen. I guess my best advice to you is to let him know how great the times have been in the past year when he has been sober and try to relax and not worry until something actually happens because there is no controlling someone with an alcohol problem. I hope this helps. Take care.

rabbit

Yes, I find myself not enjoying myself or what we are doing sometimes because I am consumed with What if he goes to the store? What if drinks if we are out somewhere. It drives me crazy! Anyway, thanks for your advice. and Yes, talking to him only makes matters worse. Taking a day at a time is all I can do and focus on the positive. thanks for the reply