Patience

Who can tell me if my husband can be formally labelled an alcoholic or not? I live in a place with no back-up or support groups etc. He has binges every few days, sometimes once a week, or may go longer, if he goes longer it's worse. On these binges he'll not even ring home, stays out all night, roaming bar to bar, coming home in a state next day, maybe mid-day or afternoon. He'll miss work of course, anything from a day to a week, depending on how long it takes for him to recover. He'll be really depressed during this time. He gradually comes back to the world, and then it starts again. He doesn't drink every day, can go for days with none or just a glass or two, then it seems he just loses it, no real reason, though he always has an "excuse". I've never sought help, we visited a doctor once together a few months ago for this but my husband wouldn't go back, won't admit he is alcoholic, but does admit there is a problem. Anyone out there to give me - anything? Just a friendly hello, I feel so alone tonight. He is otherwise a great person, has always been gentle with me and kids, generous and friendly to everyone, but does get awkward when drunk, though not violent.

Kathy

Hi Patience! you came to the right place! soon everyone will be turning up to help out but I wanted to let you know that there is much support here and lots of love too! Hang in there,
Kathy

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello Patience!
Welcome to the recovery forum!

Does it really matter what you call it? His drinking is causing a problem. The A in my life insists he is not. Fine. Call it ice cream. It still uses up the money, the time and the patience of all who know him. Until he faces the fact that he has an ice cream problem, there's not a lot you can do about it.

You can, however, do something about YOU.

Step one- we admitted that we were powerless over the addict, that our lives had become unmangeable.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. He is a grown man. What he does is not your fault or your responsibility.

Please keep posting. Feel free to vent, rage, query or share recipes on this page! You do not have to feel alone.

Smoke

chivapiano

Dear Patience, I, too, lived in Europe with no support systems. I remember the time when I was young and crazy and thought I was pregnant in a very Catholic country. I read both of your postings. You talk about how can I help my husbands drinking problem. I'm no expert but my immediate response would be - you can't. Re: your second posting. If he admits he has a problem but it's not alcoholism - then what is it for Chrissakes! I am so sorry you were feeling alone when you wrote. But aren't we lucky to be living in a world where we can find people with similar problems and similar feelings over the internet. I don't know how old you are but, honey, I remember pre-fax machines let alone pre-internet. I would recommend you read about co-dependency. It will really open your eyes up. If you cannot find any books in Greece you can buy on Amazon or I will send some to you. This is my first posting to this particular forum. It's a good one with a lot of heart. I know you will find a lot of support here. Love, Chi.

[This message has been edited by chivapiano (edited February 22, 2002).]