Got her out, now what?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
That's good for you steelman. However, as a cautionary note, she can change her mind at any time until this is finalized.
Also it depends on what judge you get. If the judge thinks it is unfair and that she deserves some assets/monetary compensation the judge can decide to take a deeper look at the agreement, even going so far as to overrule it.
If she is walking with nothing and you have acquired any wealth during the marriage, this agreement might not hold.
Also it depends on what judge you get. If the judge thinks it is unfair and that she deserves some assets/monetary compensation the judge can decide to take a deeper look at the agreement, even going so far as to overrule it.
If she is walking with nothing and you have acquired any wealth during the marriage, this agreement might not hold.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Steelman-
I have a pretty amicable divorce from a legal perspective (we only used one lawyer).
That did not mean it was not easy, and that I did not stand to lose a lot (so I tried to be a concilliatory as possible).
I was just thinking about this the other day. When I finally decided to divorce after finding out about him cheating a second time (never mind the alcohol use). I told him I wanted a divorce as he clearly did not want to be married. He hung up on me, and later that day asked me "Are you going to take me to the cleaners?"
Divorce brought out a side of him that I had never seen before. As I have healed from it it was truly one of those experiences of "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."
He "expected" things I never saw coming about money, dogs, the house etc. It was not that he was mean per say, but he did feel entitled and did not show any remorse for the actions of his affair, addiction etc. That to me was the biggest shock. For example his family was very well off, and while married he often told me "not to worry about money." He never saved for his retirement. He was ready to come after mine though when married. He was ready to renig on a substantial monetary gift his parents' had given us when first married. I kept the dogs, and he expected me not only to pay for them, but then took any material posessions for them of any value.
It is not a normal time, and in retrospect even though it was legally smooth sailing it was not emotionally for him or I. He especially was not coming from a rational place. He was coming from a wounded/vitum place and was fighting for his life (or his addiction was).
I have a pretty amicable divorce from a legal perspective (we only used one lawyer).
That did not mean it was not easy, and that I did not stand to lose a lot (so I tried to be a concilliatory as possible).
I was just thinking about this the other day. When I finally decided to divorce after finding out about him cheating a second time (never mind the alcohol use). I told him I wanted a divorce as he clearly did not want to be married. He hung up on me, and later that day asked me "Are you going to take me to the cleaners?"
Divorce brought out a side of him that I had never seen before. As I have healed from it it was truly one of those experiences of "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."
He "expected" things I never saw coming about money, dogs, the house etc. It was not that he was mean per say, but he did feel entitled and did not show any remorse for the actions of his affair, addiction etc. That to me was the biggest shock. For example his family was very well off, and while married he often told me "not to worry about money." He never saved for his retirement. He was ready to come after mine though when married. He was ready to renig on a substantial monetary gift his parents' had given us when first married. I kept the dogs, and he expected me not only to pay for them, but then took any material posessions for them of any value.
It is not a normal time, and in retrospect even though it was legally smooth sailing it was not emotionally for him or I. He especially was not coming from a rational place. He was coming from a wounded/vitum place and was fighting for his life (or his addiction was).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
How did it go steelman?
I just want to chime in that the photos and evidence should only be used in a dire situation....after reading a few of your posts it is evidence you have been through a LOT. But taking the higher road is going to result in having the least regrets- don't let her emotional abuse cause you to stoop to her level. Try to find the good in this situation which is that you can divorce and start anew, and not look back. I am certain that is difficult when you are still reeling from the pain she inflicted upon you. Keep your head high and don't stay embroiled in this fiasco any more than you have to. You can do this steelman!
I just want to chime in that the photos and evidence should only be used in a dire situation....after reading a few of your posts it is evidence you have been through a LOT. But taking the higher road is going to result in having the least regrets- don't let her emotional abuse cause you to stoop to her level. Try to find the good in this situation which is that you can divorce and start anew, and not look back. I am certain that is difficult when you are still reeling from the pain she inflicted upon you. Keep your head high and don't stay embroiled in this fiasco any more than you have to. You can do this steelman!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Hi, Steelman... did she ever lawyer up or is it set to be final? My dear friend who is tring to divorce his drunk wife just found out that she's out to get OVER 50% of everything because she was used to a certain lifestyle (the one he enabled for YEARS). He's retired and she'll get OVER 50% -- realestate sale of their expensive home, cars, bank accounts, AND his pension. Because she was used to being "taken care of". And... this is in INDIANA.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: indiana
Posts: 158
I am very embarressed to say I have not filed my paperwork yet. I was on my way to the courthouse on Friday morning and realized I had a couple typos on the petition for dissolution. I meant to get back there this week on my lunchbreak, but have not had time.
On Sunday we went to look at cars and didn't find anything decent. We are going car shopping again this Saturday and will buy something.
She said her friends are indicating they won't be able to let her stay much longer and she wants to move back in temporarily until she can find someone to stay with longer or save enough money for an apartment.
I cant believe it, but i am seriously considering allowing this. I dont want her sleeping in a car or staying somewhere shady.
On Sunday we went to look at cars and didn't find anything decent. We are going car shopping again this Saturday and will buy something.
She said her friends are indicating they won't be able to let her stay much longer and she wants to move back in temporarily until she can find someone to stay with longer or save enough money for an apartment.
I cant believe it, but i am seriously considering allowing this. I dont want her sleeping in a car or staying somewhere shady.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
You would be stupid as all get out to let her in the door again.
No offense, but what are you thinking?
Rent a by-the-week hotel before you do that.
Did she actually sign the paperwork or are the typos an excuse?
Get that filed man. You stand to lose a great deal of money if she
gets a lawyer and sees what she's entitled to.
No offense, but what are you thinking?
Rent a by-the-week hotel before you do that.
Did she actually sign the paperwork or are the typos an excuse?
Get that filed man. You stand to lose a great deal of money if she
gets a lawyer and sees what she's entitled to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Steelman, there is literally no reason to think that her only alternatives to moving back in with you are staying in her car or somewhere shady. She is a resourceful woman with a job who is old enough to find a temporary place to stay without your help.
This is what manipulators do -- they let you stand up for yourself and then slowly, slowly, gradually, degree by degree, bring you right back under their thumb by playing the victim and pushing all of your Fear, Guilt and Obligation (FOG) buttons.
Allow her the dignity to stand on her own two feet without you. I PROMISE you, she will not fall down without you to save her.
This is what manipulators do -- they let you stand up for yourself and then slowly, slowly, gradually, degree by degree, bring you right back under their thumb by playing the victim and pushing all of your Fear, Guilt and Obligation (FOG) buttons.
Allow her the dignity to stand on her own two feet without you. I PROMISE you, she will not fall down without you to save her.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 160
FILE THE PAPERS! Typos, so long as they don't change the basic meaning, aren't a big deal. As long as names, dates, and dollar amounts are accurate, most judges will allow a little lattitude, especially if it is pro se. When you go to court, then you can ask to amend the petition on its face, just striking out the errors and writing in the corrections. OR you can have a corrected petition already typed up and ask to file an Amended Petition for Dissolution. THIS is an easy fix S-man. Don't let yourself get caught up in a little detail like this when you have already done so much of the difficult fixing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Does the front seat recline? if not I'm sure she can wedge herself in the backseat. Do the windows roll up if it rains, roll down if its warm? Heck the car sounds like it would suit her just fine. You are making excuses SM and you were doing so good, put your money where your mouth is!! Walk your Talk!
Go get yourself a wingman. 
Someone to make you accountable to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Originally Posted by steelman1649 
I am very embarressed to say I have not filed my paperwork yet. I was on my way to the courthouse on Friday morning and realized I had a couple typos on the petition for dissolution. I meant to get back there this week on my lunchbreak, but have not had time.
On Sunday we went to look at cars and didn't find anything decent. We are going car shopping again this Saturday and will buy something.
She said her friends are indicating they won't be able to let her stay much longer and she wants to move back in temporarily until she can find someone to stay with longer or save enough money for an apartment.
I cant believe it, but i am seriously considering allowing this. I dont want her sleeping in a car or staying somewhere shady.
On Sunday we went to look at cars and didn't find anything decent. We are going car shopping again this Saturday and will buy something.
She said her friends are indicating they won't be able to let her stay much longer and she wants to move back in temporarily until she can find someone to stay with longer or save enough money for an apartment.
I cant believe it, but i am seriously considering allowing this. I dont want her sleeping in a car or staying somewhere shady.
I feel for you, I have to do the same FOR my brother
Get her OUT OF YOU LIFE and stop making excuses
You know where this road leads
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