Good Grief!!!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Good Grief!!!!!!!!!
3 years ago when I decided to exit the crazy train, I made a vow to myself, NEVER again.
I have stayed up late into the night, reading story after story , the ever repeated " I met the most amazing man/woman".............
And, there have been times, that I would read someone's story, shake my head and think to myself, "Well, what do you expect ?, you are choosing and allowing this nonsense into your life" I felt so righteous in my thoughts, ( and shame on me, for thinking this way.)
Well, that is not entirely true....... I did concentrate on being a better, healthier person. Turned my focus inward, and really tried to learn and grow from this **** poor life choice.
I really understand that there is zero future with an active alkie, I get it, I really do, and I do not want that life for myself, ever again.
Yet
I allowed him back into my life......
7 weeks ago we ran into each other at a mutual friend's wedding, and we had such a great evening, a few days later the text messages started, I did not answer the 1st or 2nd one, but I found myself traveling back in time, and before I knew it, I accepted his dinner invite.....
I have to say he really was on his best behavior, he limited his drinks, he never got out of control, no ranting or raving, and over the course of the next 5 weeks, I cannot believe I was seriously entertaining giving us another shot. ( he had me on the hook, that is for sure)
My logic was, I am NOT going to live with him, we aren't getting married, so why can't we simply enjoy the good. and when he turns into a drunken fool, I just send him on home....... dumb, dumb, dumb...........
Don't know if I ever shared, that I am 9 years older than XA. In the beginning, I refused to even entertain, dating a guy that much younger. currently I am 53, he is 44. ( at the time we met, the joke was, I do not look my age, and he doesn't act his, in time, that joke was not very funny)
Here it comes......... So last week on this girl' s 21st birthday, ( he's a bartender) she gave him her phone number............ why a 21 year old girl, would want to date a 44 going on 45 year old is beyond me........
Even worse............... he needs some time to get to know her, because there is just something about her. ( and this is the saddest part, because the guy I remember loved, and treasured......... would have declined, )
Seriously I just want to PUKE!
AS SOON AS MY HEAD STOPS SPINNING.............. i AM SO EFFIN DONE..
I have stayed up late into the night, reading story after story , the ever repeated " I met the most amazing man/woman".............
And, there have been times, that I would read someone's story, shake my head and think to myself, "Well, what do you expect ?, you are choosing and allowing this nonsense into your life" I felt so righteous in my thoughts, ( and shame on me, for thinking this way.)
Well, that is not entirely true....... I did concentrate on being a better, healthier person. Turned my focus inward, and really tried to learn and grow from this **** poor life choice.
I really understand that there is zero future with an active alkie, I get it, I really do, and I do not want that life for myself, ever again.
Yet
I allowed him back into my life......
7 weeks ago we ran into each other at a mutual friend's wedding, and we had such a great evening, a few days later the text messages started, I did not answer the 1st or 2nd one, but I found myself traveling back in time, and before I knew it, I accepted his dinner invite.....
I have to say he really was on his best behavior, he limited his drinks, he never got out of control, no ranting or raving, and over the course of the next 5 weeks, I cannot believe I was seriously entertaining giving us another shot. ( he had me on the hook, that is for sure)
My logic was, I am NOT going to live with him, we aren't getting married, so why can't we simply enjoy the good. and when he turns into a drunken fool, I just send him on home....... dumb, dumb, dumb...........
Don't know if I ever shared, that I am 9 years older than XA. In the beginning, I refused to even entertain, dating a guy that much younger. currently I am 53, he is 44. ( at the time we met, the joke was, I do not look my age, and he doesn't act his, in time, that joke was not very funny)
Here it comes......... So last week on this girl' s 21st birthday, ( he's a bartender) she gave him her phone number............ why a 21 year old girl, would want to date a 44 going on 45 year old is beyond me........
Even worse............... he needs some time to get to know her, because there is just something about her. ( and this is the saddest part, because the guy I remember loved, and treasured......... would have declined, )
Seriously I just want to PUKE!
AS SOON AS MY HEAD STOPS SPINNING.............. i AM SO EFFIN DONE..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
He's a middle aged man having a mid life crisis. ....a 21 year old little drunken birthday girl makes him feel like Hugh Hefner.
He will soon lose his hair, have a potbelly and enlarged prostate.
Move on, he is not worth your time. He makes you doubt yourself, you shouldnt have to worry about when he becomes an idiot l he is already there.
At least he told you...or was he bragging?
He will soon lose his hair, have a potbelly and enlarged prostate.
Move on, he is not worth your time. He makes you doubt yourself, you shouldnt have to worry about when he becomes an idiot l he is already there.
At least he told you...or was he bragging?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
You went back to him just like an alcoholic goes back to drink. I'll just have a beer or two. I can handle it, I've learned, I've controlled myself, it will be different this time.
I can commisserate because I just fell off the wagon. Two plus months quitting coffee. No problem. Easy peasy. Well, and then I had just one cup. Every day since.
And the men. I am seriously falling for a married man. He is texting me daily and we've gone out twice, as 'friends'. I told myself I could keep it platonic, but one more incredible evening like last night and I am in big trouble.
I would need him to something really lousy like date a 19 year old to extricate myself.
It's early summer. We are alive, so we make mistakes.
Time for a plan B. Go on a voyage, take up a new hobby. And love yourself for being only human after all.
I can commisserate because I just fell off the wagon. Two plus months quitting coffee. No problem. Easy peasy. Well, and then I had just one cup. Every day since.
And the men. I am seriously falling for a married man. He is texting me daily and we've gone out twice, as 'friends'. I told myself I could keep it platonic, but one more incredible evening like last night and I am in big trouble.
I would need him to something really lousy like date a 19 year old to extricate myself.
It's early summer. We are alive, so we make mistakes.
Time for a plan B. Go on a voyage, take up a new hobby. And love yourself for being only human after all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Note to self - he's married, Pippi. He's already doing something really lousy!
Marie - anyone is capable of taking a walk down memory lane. Thankfully yours was short one.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Marie,
Thankfully, it has only been 7 weeks. Life is too short. Been there, done that, ya know? A 21 year old is with a 44 year old for money/security/daddy issues/poor self esteem/lack of boundaries/foolishness. A 44 year old is with a 21 year old for .... big guess?
Pippi,
You do NOT want that mess. If he will cheat with you, he WILL cheat on you. If you live in a small town (I think) be careful because if you are looking to make friends there and he and his wife have been there longer than you have, you will get a bad rep. I know you are an adult, but that is the way small towns work. You mentioned parents eyeing you at your kids party last weekend. If they think you are carrying on with Jane Doe's husband, tongues will wag and they will keep their distance. Just a friendly reminder girl to girl.
Thankfully, it has only been 7 weeks. Life is too short. Been there, done that, ya know? A 21 year old is with a 44 year old for money/security/daddy issues/poor self esteem/lack of boundaries/foolishness. A 44 year old is with a 21 year old for .... big guess?
Pippi,
You do NOT want that mess. If he will cheat with you, he WILL cheat on you. If you live in a small town (I think) be careful because if you are looking to make friends there and he and his wife have been there longer than you have, you will get a bad rep. I know you are an adult, but that is the way small towns work. You mentioned parents eyeing you at your kids party last weekend. If they think you are carrying on with Jane Doe's husband, tongues will wag and they will keep their distance. Just a friendly reminder girl to girl.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I know ��
He is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and I pulled away as though he were on fire.
He is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and I pulled away as though he were on fire.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
at the risk of further highjacking Marie's thread...
Pippi, he is doing something REALLY CRAPPY to his wife and children, texting you daily, and meeting with you, gazing into your eyes, trying to hold your hand. participating in this is not good for your reputation and your children will know what is going on. Going out with twice "as friends" won't look that way to others.
find a better person to keep company with...although I don't think there are many of those apples left either.
I thought that I was the only person who attracted the idiots back to me....Mr. Fandy pops up on email out the blue 2 days ago, and my first thought was that "ooohhh he misses me"....then I forced myself to remember what a selfish jackasss he is. I hope his prostate is as big as his ego.
Pippi, he is doing something REALLY CRAPPY to his wife and children, texting you daily, and meeting with you, gazing into your eyes, trying to hold your hand. participating in this is not good for your reputation and your children will know what is going on. Going out with twice "as friends" won't look that way to others.
find a better person to keep company with...although I don't think there are many of those apples left either.
I thought that I was the only person who attracted the idiots back to me....Mr. Fandy pops up on email out the blue 2 days ago, and my first thought was that "ooohhh he misses me"....then I forced myself to remember what a selfish jackasss he is. I hope his prostate is as big as his ego.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Originally Posted by CodeJob
Oh for those of us on the high and dry road, this is 
!
!I miss the days of hunting at times. . . phermones in the air and tight pants that look great on my a$$
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by Fandy
at the risk of further highjacking Marie's thread... Pippi, he is doing something REALLY CRAPPY to his wife and children, texting you daily, and meeting with you, gazing into your eyes, trying to hold your hand. participating in this is not good for your reputation and your children will know what is going on. Going out with twice "as friends" won't look that way to others. find a better person to keep company with...although I don't think there are many of those apples left either. I thought that I was the only person who attracted the idiots back to me....Mr. Fandy pops up on email out the blue 2 days ago, and my first thought was that "ooohhh he misses me"....then I forced myself to remember what a selfish jackasss he is. I hope his prostate is as big as his ego.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Marie, how did you find out? It sounds as if he unabashedly told you straight up!
It sounds like he's doing you a big favor, look at it as a blessing. I know you're head's back in the game at 5 weeks but you haven't made any life changes in his direction so you can save yourself and pull back quickly. So how do you wrap your head around this and not chastise yourself repeatedly? I think you allow yourself to have enjoyed the trip down memory lane and forgive yourself.
Here's the thing about love--try to remember that love is something WE feel. It comes from within. It is part of us. It belongs to US, all the love we have ever felt. That is your love. It was yours, it still is yours. He didn't take it from you, he didn't create it, and he didn't give it to you. It was yours all along, part of you. I can love this absolutely beautiful perfect morning. I also know from the forecast that this day is going to be heavy with thunderstorms. It is going to change. Like this man has disappointed you once again. But I'm not stupid for loving this morning, and you are not stupid for having loved that man.
I don't know if I'm getting my point across clearly. I am trying to say that we should feel good about any love we feel. It comes from within, us. We created it, so it is a part of us. We chastise ourselves for having felt love sometimes, when it was beautiful and that beauty came from within ourselves--it never came from him, see? Now I am just repeating myself.
Now Pippi I want to give you a big spanking!
Married men are such a pain, later. I have a very good friend who is seeing one that is going through a divorce. But she is always on the edge of her seat not knowing what direction he is going to go in. Always this nagging thing in the back of her mind that they might reconcile. It skews her ability to see her relationship with him clearly, because she is overly focused on winning the prize because there's this small chance she might lose it. That makes her over value him and not focus on the truth of the relationship. Married men are bad news every single time, even ones that are separated and getting a divorce. They're simply not ready.
Pippi don't ruin your reputation. Here comes the mom attitude from me and others. Well it's true, you deserve a good spanking and sent to your room! LOL
It sounds like he's doing you a big favor, look at it as a blessing. I know you're head's back in the game at 5 weeks but you haven't made any life changes in his direction so you can save yourself and pull back quickly. So how do you wrap your head around this and not chastise yourself repeatedly? I think you allow yourself to have enjoyed the trip down memory lane and forgive yourself.
Here's the thing about love--try to remember that love is something WE feel. It comes from within. It is part of us. It belongs to US, all the love we have ever felt. That is your love. It was yours, it still is yours. He didn't take it from you, he didn't create it, and he didn't give it to you. It was yours all along, part of you. I can love this absolutely beautiful perfect morning. I also know from the forecast that this day is going to be heavy with thunderstorms. It is going to change. Like this man has disappointed you once again. But I'm not stupid for loving this morning, and you are not stupid for having loved that man.
I don't know if I'm getting my point across clearly. I am trying to say that we should feel good about any love we feel. It comes from within, us. We created it, so it is a part of us. We chastise ourselves for having felt love sometimes, when it was beautiful and that beauty came from within ourselves--it never came from him, see? Now I am just repeating myself.
Now Pippi I want to give you a big spanking!
Married men are such a pain, later. I have a very good friend who is seeing one that is going through a divorce. But she is always on the edge of her seat not knowing what direction he is going to go in. Always this nagging thing in the back of her mind that they might reconcile. It skews her ability to see her relationship with him clearly, because she is overly focused on winning the prize because there's this small chance she might lose it. That makes her over value him and not focus on the truth of the relationship. Married men are bad news every single time, even ones that are separated and getting a divorce. They're simply not ready.
Pippi don't ruin your reputation. Here comes the mom attitude from me and others. Well it's true, you deserve a good spanking and sent to your room! LOL
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You went back to him just like an alcoholic goes back to drink. I'll just have a beer or two. I can handle it, I've learned, I've controlled myself, it will be different this time.
I would go back and read my e-mails and posts from the time when you were living with him -- to remind yourself of exactly how bad it was. We're amazing people, really, how we almost automatically heal from trauma by the mind pushing the ugly memories away and keeping the good ones. I think it's a survival instinct, but holy snapping duck sh*t, the problems it can get us into!
It's a good thing he got that phone number from the 21-year-old -- that if nothing else must have woken you up, eh?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by pippilngstockng
i know ��
he is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and i pulled away as though he were on fire.
he is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and i pulled away as though he were on fire.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Marie, it is what it is. A lesson learned. He is still a jacka$$, that has not changed.
You cannot change the past, just vow to make better choices in the future. That's all you can do.
Big Hugs.
Pippi...run, and run quickly. That's all I can even say about that!
You cannot change the past, just vow to make better choices in the future. That's all you can do.
Big Hugs.
Pippi...run, and run quickly. That's all I can even say about that!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
I know ��
He is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and I pulled away as though he were on fire.
He is not only known here, and his family, but we have children the same age and he is very high profile.
He is charming, gifted, strong, quirky, smart.
Pippi is in trouble. But hasn't done anything to feel guilty about. Only my heart has me concerned.
I am pretty well known here, too.
He tried to put my hand in his and stare into my eyes and I pulled away as though he were on fire.
I feel sad for you too, your being sucked into his black hole, I know this because I too fell for a married man and ended up making a fool of myself, luckily no one found out but his wife did come around one day and give me a death stare... she knew what was going on. Also, when I woke up from lala land and realized how pathetic the whole situation was he fessed that he was doing this with loads of women.. when I see him now I want to hide from shame. .. PLEASE run the other way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Marie, next time you are about to do something you might regret, like seeing your xa, maybe consider posting here, first. These folks will throw some cold water in your face, and that might help wake you up.
I have a couple of friends here who know the married man. And they both say, 'wooo, he's amazing. I'd be very flattered.' First off. Then, 'don't slam the door shut. Be wary but see where this is going. Just don't compromise your integrity.'
Thanks for the wise words everyone. I stand forewarned!!!
I have a couple of friends here who know the married man. And they both say, 'wooo, he's amazing. I'd be very flattered.' First off. Then, 'don't slam the door shut. Be wary but see where this is going. Just don't compromise your integrity.'
Thanks for the wise words everyone. I stand forewarned!!!
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