Dont even know where to begin.....just looking for support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 3
Dont even know where to begin.....just looking for support
Hello all:
Honest confession...I have been lurking around here for so long Im embarrassed to admit....a LONG time. I have finally got the courage to even submit a post. I am so sorry if this is WAY long...I just am not sure how to keep it short. so here goes....
I realize that I am codependent to an EXTREME. I grew up in an alcohol/substance abuse/violent home..VERY dysfunctional. I married very young and had kids with my first husband...we were married 16 years. I was not happy....he was angry,controlling,a cheater....yet no alcohol and drugs.Even though he is difficult, I now realize after the fact that a lot of it was just I was not happy internally. I tried but finally gave up. This was 5 years ago almost exactly. And guess what.....the WORST alcoholic on the planet swept me off my feet. Oh my.....I only thought my ex husband was unpleasant. This man has turned my life upside down. Of course, my fault that I let him. And I can honestly admit at this point, tht I have NO clue how to ultimately get away from him. I have tried and tried....he manipulates me back everytime. I feel SOOO weak and powerless. ThE SITUATION is so hard for me to even talk about. I have 2 beautiful babies by this man,who he in NO way supports. He claims he loves me,but doesn't want the kids. I am a full time student,went back to school later in life since I was a stay at home mom with my kiddos with my ex husband.He is mean,VERY verbally and emotionally abusive,and my self esteem is just in the dirt from all I have put up with. One day Im fat...the next im way too skinny,then Im too muscular,then Im ugly, no one wants me,etc. I have even started believing all this. Even though I am 5'8" and a size 4, I can honestly start believing I look awful he has told me so many times.
Can anyone suggest anything for detaching and actually sticking to it? I do it some,then he threatens and manipulates, and I fall for it again. At this point I am SO very angry at myself. I feel like I cant change.
He doesn't admit he has a drinking problem. He drinks 5or more nights a week,gets completely smashed, then cusses me out,calls me names,and much more. IT has gotten so bad that when he is sober he is actually meaner than drunk. I do not live ith him,thank God. I used to before the kids. Will NOT let them witness this.But its like I don't love myself enough to think that I desserve better. When I am with him, if he hasn't drank that night,he will wake up covered in sweat.....so wet its like he took a shower in the bed. Does anyone know what that means?
Anyway, Im jjust trying to get some strength and just some support.....I just want to completely break free of this.
Also he pays not a dime of child support,never has. I filed a case once but he became so mean and abusive that I dropped it out of fear.....
Thanks for listening.....
Honest confession...I have been lurking around here for so long Im embarrassed to admit....a LONG time. I have finally got the courage to even submit a post. I am so sorry if this is WAY long...I just am not sure how to keep it short. so here goes....
I realize that I am codependent to an EXTREME. I grew up in an alcohol/substance abuse/violent home..VERY dysfunctional. I married very young and had kids with my first husband...we were married 16 years. I was not happy....he was angry,controlling,a cheater....yet no alcohol and drugs.Even though he is difficult, I now realize after the fact that a lot of it was just I was not happy internally. I tried but finally gave up. This was 5 years ago almost exactly. And guess what.....the WORST alcoholic on the planet swept me off my feet. Oh my.....I only thought my ex husband was unpleasant. This man has turned my life upside down. Of course, my fault that I let him. And I can honestly admit at this point, tht I have NO clue how to ultimately get away from him. I have tried and tried....he manipulates me back everytime. I feel SOOO weak and powerless. ThE SITUATION is so hard for me to even talk about. I have 2 beautiful babies by this man,who he in NO way supports. He claims he loves me,but doesn't want the kids. I am a full time student,went back to school later in life since I was a stay at home mom with my kiddos with my ex husband.He is mean,VERY verbally and emotionally abusive,and my self esteem is just in the dirt from all I have put up with. One day Im fat...the next im way too skinny,then Im too muscular,then Im ugly, no one wants me,etc. I have even started believing all this. Even though I am 5'8" and a size 4, I can honestly start believing I look awful he has told me so many times.
Can anyone suggest anything for detaching and actually sticking to it? I do it some,then he threatens and manipulates, and I fall for it again. At this point I am SO very angry at myself. I feel like I cant change.
He doesn't admit he has a drinking problem. He drinks 5or more nights a week,gets completely smashed, then cusses me out,calls me names,and much more. IT has gotten so bad that when he is sober he is actually meaner than drunk. I do not live ith him,thank God. I used to before the kids. Will NOT let them witness this.But its like I don't love myself enough to think that I desserve better. When I am with him, if he hasn't drank that night,he will wake up covered in sweat.....so wet its like he took a shower in the bed. Does anyone know what that means?
Anyway, Im jjust trying to get some strength and just some support.....I just want to completely break free of this.
Also he pays not a dime of child support,never has. I filed a case once but he became so mean and abusive that I dropped it out of fear.....
Thanks for listening.....
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Alanon.
Free or close enough.
Lotta GOOD Alanon around DFW.
http://texas-al-anon.org/ftworth/meetings/
btw, Welcome Aboard.
Free or close enough.
Lotta GOOD Alanon around DFW.
http://texas-al-anon.org/ftworth/meetings/
btw, Welcome Aboard.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Please try no contact. Please block his calls, texts and emails. Go fe for child support
Right away, your children and you deserve that. Start keeping a journal and write down your feelings. I sometimes write to my AH (never send it) but it has helped me be able to go back and see how horrible he truly is. This man is showing you who he is, believe him. He is only going to get worse. My AH started out verbally and emotionally abusive and it escalated to physically. You cannot trust him to be around your children and your children need you not to be around him. If he hurts you or worse, the two youngest will have no parent. Please block all communication, go file for a no contact order and file for child support through the state.
Take care of you and those precious gifts from God, your children.
Right away, your children and you deserve that. Start keeping a journal and write down your feelings. I sometimes write to my AH (never send it) but it has helped me be able to go back and see how horrible he truly is. This man is showing you who he is, believe him. He is only going to get worse. My AH started out verbally and emotionally abusive and it escalated to physically. You cannot trust him to be around your children and your children need you not to be around him. If he hurts you or worse, the two youngest will have no parent. Please block all communication, go file for a no contact order and file for child support through the state.
Take care of you and those precious gifts from God, your children.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
hello ready,
I was in your situation, the only way it stopped was he found someone else to support him.. so he left me... I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him and put up with so much and to this day probably would but can't now as I am divorced and have started to see how horrible he was so this tiny tiny light of hope keeps me moving forward but it's taken me almost two years to see this little glimmer.. if it weren't for my man leaving me for someone else, there's no way it would have ended... so from the sounds of things, you are madly in love with him and will stay until him leaving you tears you apart.... I am
here for you... it's not going to be easy either way...
I was in your situation, the only way it stopped was he found someone else to support him.. so he left me... I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him and put up with so much and to this day probably would but can't now as I am divorced and have started to see how horrible he was so this tiny tiny light of hope keeps me moving forward but it's taken me almost two years to see this little glimmer.. if it weren't for my man leaving me for someone else, there's no way it would have ended... so from the sounds of things, you are madly in love with him and will stay until him leaving you tears you apart.... I am
here for you... it's not going to be easy either way...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by ready4new 
Hello all:
I married very young and had kids with my first husband...we were married 16 years. I was not happy....he was angry,controlling,a cheater....yet no alcohol and drugs.Even though he is difficult, I now realize after the fact that a lot of it was just I was not happy internally. I ....the WORST alcoholic on the planet swept me off my feet. Oh my.....I only thought my ex husband was unpleasant. This man has turned my life upside down. Of course, my fault that I let him. And I can honestly admit at this point, tht I have NO clue how to ultimately get away from him. I have tried and tried....he manipulates me back everytime. I feel SOOO weak and powerless. ThE SITUATION is so hard for me to even talk about. I have 2 beautiful babies by this man,who he in NO way supports. He claims he loves me,but doesn't want the kids. I am a full time student,went back to school later in life since I was a stay at home mom with my kiddos with my ex husband.He is mean,VERY verbally and emotionally abusive,and my self esteem is just in the dirt from all I have put up with. One day Im fat...the next im way too skinny,then Im too muscular,then Im ugly, no one wants me,etc. I have even started believing all this. Even though I am 5'8" and a size 4, I can honestly start believing I look awful he has told me so many times.
Can anyone suggest anything for detaching and actually sticking to it? I do it some,then he threatens and manipulates, and I fall for it again. At this point I am SO very angry at myself. I feel like I cant change.
He doesn't admit he has a drinking problem. He drinks 5or more nights a week,gets completely smashed, then cusses me out,calls me names,and much more. IT has gotten so bad that when he is sober he is actually meaner than drunk. I do not live ith him,thank God. I used to before the kids. Will NOT let them witness this.But its like I don't love myself enough to think that I desserve better. When I am with him, if he hasn't drank that night,he will wake up covered in sweat.....so wet its like he took a shower in the bed. Does anyone know what that means?
Anyway, Im jjust trying to get some strength and just some support.....I just want to completely break free of this.
Also he pays not a dime of child support,never has. I filed a case once but he became so mean and abusive that I dropped it out of fear.....
Thanks for listening.....
I married very young and had kids with my first husband...we were married 16 years. I was not happy....he was angry,controlling,a cheater....yet no alcohol and drugs.Even though he is difficult, I now realize after the fact that a lot of it was just I was not happy internally. I ....the WORST alcoholic on the planet swept me off my feet. Oh my.....I only thought my ex husband was unpleasant. This man has turned my life upside down. Of course, my fault that I let him. And I can honestly admit at this point, tht I have NO clue how to ultimately get away from him. I have tried and tried....he manipulates me back everytime. I feel SOOO weak and powerless. ThE SITUATION is so hard for me to even talk about. I have 2 beautiful babies by this man,who he in NO way supports. He claims he loves me,but doesn't want the kids. I am a full time student,went back to school later in life since I was a stay at home mom with my kiddos with my ex husband.He is mean,VERY verbally and emotionally abusive,and my self esteem is just in the dirt from all I have put up with. One day Im fat...the next im way too skinny,then Im too muscular,then Im ugly, no one wants me,etc. I have even started believing all this. Even though I am 5'8" and a size 4, I can honestly start believing I look awful he has told me so many times.
Can anyone suggest anything for detaching and actually sticking to it? I do it some,then he threatens and manipulates, and I fall for it again. At this point I am SO very angry at myself. I feel like I cant change.
He doesn't admit he has a drinking problem. He drinks 5or more nights a week,gets completely smashed, then cusses me out,calls me names,and much more. IT has gotten so bad that when he is sober he is actually meaner than drunk. I do not live ith him,thank God. I used to before the kids. Will NOT let them witness this.But its like I don't love myself enough to think that I desserve better. When I am with him, if he hasn't drank that night,he will wake up covered in sweat.....so wet its like he took a shower in the bed. Does anyone know what that means?
Anyway, Im jjust trying to get some strength and just some support.....I just want to completely break free of this.
Also he pays not a dime of child support,never has. I filed a case once but he became so mean and abusive that I dropped it out of fear.....
Thanks for listening.....
Leaving either and both of them are not mistakes, but the right thing to do.
So you are asking about his night sweats. Who cares why! Maybe it's withdrawal. But you could grab the attitude who cares why an abusive alcoholic sweats at night when he is so nasty to you! What about your day "mind sweats" as I will call them? Sweating about worrying about how to please a man that doesnt' deserve you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 3
Thanks to everyone for the replies....I appreciate them all. It gave me some things to think about,especially about my 1st husband. I will keep posting and reading. There is so much good info here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome, Read4new, and glad you found your way to SR.
I wonder if you've seen these 2 threads from the stickies at the top of the page?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
Those threads might be a good starting place for you; hope you find them useful.
I'd also like to suggest getting to an Alanon meeting sooner rather than later. Having some face-to-face support in addition to us here online is a powerful combination for your own growth, education and recovery.
I'm glad you decided to join and post here. Wishing you strength and clarity.
I wonder if you've seen these 2 threads from the stickies at the top of the page?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
Those threads might be a good starting place for you; hope you find them useful.
I'd also like to suggest getting to an Alanon meeting sooner rather than later. Having some face-to-face support in addition to us here online is a powerful combination for your own growth, education and recovery.
I'm glad you decided to join and post here. Wishing you strength and clarity.
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