Pia

I am trying to get more information on Boundaries and steps/exercises.

Can someone recommend literature?

applecake

Forgive me if you've already posted about this book elsewhere...

I'd start with Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. I think there is a companion workbook.

Pia

Thank you applecake

MsPINKAcres

((Radiant))

For me, I have been able to gather wonderful information from "How Al-Anon Works for Family & Friends of Alcoholics" especially chapter 11 "Detachment, Love & Forgiveness"

Wishing you the best in your recovery

pink hugs (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)

Blossom717

"Co-Dependency No More" is awesome.

AnvilheadII

actually this Oprah site has some good stuff on boundaries
Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

excerpts:

The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to cry. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is the first step.

Complete the following sentence with at least 10 responses:

People may not.......
examples
Go though my personal belongings
Criticize me
Make comments about my weight
Take their anger out on me
Humiliate me in front of others
Tell off-color jokes in my company
Invade my personal space

I have the right to ask for....
examples
Privacy
A new hairstyle from an old stylist
Peace and quiet while getting a massage
Help around the house
More information before making a purchase
Quiet time to myself

To protect my time and energy, it's ok to.....
examples
Turn the ringer off on the phone
Take my time returning calls or e-mails
Change my mind
Bow out of a volunteer activity
Cancel a commitment when I'm not feeling well
Reserve a place in my home that is off-limits to others.

Examples of Setting Boundaries in specific situations:

To set a boundary with an angry person:
"You may not yell at me. If you continue, I'll have to leave the room."

To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:
"I've decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later."

To say no to extra commitments:
"Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family's needs."

To set a boundary with someone who is critical:
"It's not okay with me that you comment on my weight. I'd like to ask you to stop."

To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:
"I'll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away."

To back out of a commitment:
"I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give it my best attention. I'd like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.

To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:
"I won't be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself."

When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.

Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs

Pia

This is exactly what I needed thank u

hopeful4

When I first started counseling my counselor gave me the book Boundaries that was mentioned above. It's a really great resource. I actually listened to the authors speak at a seminar in California several years ago. They were wonderful.

Just my .02!

XXX

honeypig

Radiant, I don't know if you've seen these threads already or not, but in case you've missed them so far, you may want to take a look now. They are from the stickies at the top of the page.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

Good for you for learning more about this useful tool--I hope you start to feel the benefits of having strong boundaries soon!

Pia

Thank you honeypig. I have the friends and family of alcoholic saves as a fav. I forget there are more sites. I missed them al together

honeypig

I know, I sometimes get so caught up in the F&F world that I don't look any farther either, and there's so much more to the site! These links are from the stickies at the top of this page: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
which I think is the main page for Families and Friends of A's. There's a lot more in those stickies; maybe you'll find something else of use while you're there, too.

Pia

Goodness after reading and rereading. I feel like I am back in grade school learning all over again.

I realized I always (ass)umed people would do the right thing. what an eye opener for me. I guess what is why your not suppose to (Ass)ume.

Does anyone own an island I can just move to?