paige73

So last Friday I finally made it to Alanon. I've been planning to go for about 3 weeks.

It was ok, I will definitely go back this Friday. It wasn't what I expected. I was surprised that I was asked all about my AH. I kept my description of my life with an AH as brief and general as I could and even emphasized that I was there for ME. The comments that I kept getting were "you're so calm", "you seem so composed"....in regards to my AH.....I thought step 1 was admit I'm powerless, yada, yada, yada....If I'm powerless, why shouldn't I be calm? My HP has to be in control, because clearly I am NOT. (although I did give it a good shot at one point, lol)

I really thought that we wouldn't even bring up my AH. The group is the only group that meets around here and meets once a week. Its small, 3-8 people. It got started back in January and there are no sponsors.

Is this typical? (to talk about the A in our lives?)...we also reviewed the steps and traditions, read out of a magazine and prayed.

lillamy

I've never been to a meeting where I was asked questions in the meeting.

Our meetings always went like this: Short introduction (talking about what Al-Anon is, what you can expect in the meeting, that's it's all confidential and OK to not talk, etc); read the steps and traditions; go around the room and let everyone introduce themselves; the leader would bring up the topic of the day and maybe read something about it. Then we'd go around and comment on the topic -- or say something else that was pressing for us -- then the leader wrapped up the meeting and we ended with the serenity prayer.

I'd definitely go back -- meetings can be different not just from one place to another but also from one week to another.

Pia

Hi Paige73- From my understanding each one is different. When I went no one asked me anything about my AH or really anything to do with me just my name. They only talked about themselves and no details about there significant other.
They gave me a bunch of hugs. You can try other locations and times to see which one is a good fit for you.

Kudos for going!!!!

ladyscribbler

At my home group after a meeting a member might ask a newcomer what brings them there. We wouldn't do it in the meeting, but we tend to be a larger group, usually about a dozen, sometimes a lot more. Lots of times they are crying through the meeting and don't want to share. The last five or ten minutes are set aside for answering newcomer's questions.
Glad you're giving it a chance, and you're free to tell them you'd rather not talk about your qualifier. Some newcomers want to spend the whole first meeting venting. Everyone is different. I think I was more like you. I knew I was there for me, not to make anyone stop drinking.
Keep coming back! (((Hugs)))

paige73

Thanks everyone. I will definitely go again. The people were very nice, it just took me by surprise. It was held at the same time an AA meeting was taking place in the next room. AH went to AA and I went to Alanon, lol....weird kind of "date night".

hopeful4

I do think it's odd that they asked questions about your AH. Alanon should focus on YOU. I understand that he is a big part of your life, I guess I am just shocked.

Glad you went and glad you are going back!

honeypig

I find it unusual that you were asked about your A also--I think I may have been asked a few questions in the very beginning, but only after I volunteered some info. It was more along the lines of me saying "I am ready to leave that *&$(@ RIGHT NOW!" and people asking how long we'd been married, etc., then advising that since it was a marriage of many years' duration, perhaps I should allow another year (since I was in no physical or financial danger) to get my head on straight before I made such a big decision. No other questions until my temporary sponsor wanted to chat about the history of things so she'd have an idea where I was coming from.

If that's the only one in your area, I'd give it a few more tries just to see how it goes the next several times. If you have any other meetings nearby, you may want to check those out as well. It's nice that you can both attend meetings at the same time and place--my AH and I did that at a Sunday AM group, him at AA and me at Alanon, until my schedule changed and I couldn't make it any more.

Hammer

I have been to maybe 20 different meetings/groups?

Three different local + one men's meeting and a bunch others traveling and such.

My first group I fell so "in love" (or enthralled?), I would not go to any other after we moved. Even when folks would ask me to go help others . . . (really shameful on that part). But when we went homeless (crazy AWtf thing), I changed my tune really quick. Any meeting is good. Do not think I have went over a week without for the last nearly two years, and typically maybe three a week.

Thinking about it, the weirdest meetings are when I chair. Everyone else tends to be much better about following the script. Never know what is going to happen when I am on my parallel universe. But like around here, folks seem to grin and bear it.

Last Saturday I chaired for just three of us, at a meeting that usually has 15 to 20 people. We wound up just doing a round and round robin discussion regarding our families and what we can do (and cannot) to make them better. Yunno I do not think we read any CAL, at all. But I think we all enjoyed it? hmmm, I guess my meetings are not so bad.