Fathers Day
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by lillamy 
I'm an extremist moderate so I'm gonna position myself right in-between the two of you, Stung & jacrazz. 
As a single mom, you're forced to fill the void of the absent parent. Ditto if you're a single dad. Sure, I can't tell my kids what it feels like to be a man -- but I have to fill the void that's left regardless.
So I don't think I do the work of one parent. Or two. I do the work of two parents, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a best friend. And a grandma. Some days. But that doesn't make me a father. It never will.
As a single mom, you're forced to fill the void of the absent parent. Ditto if you're a single dad. Sure, I can't tell my kids what it feels like to be a man -- but I have to fill the void that's left regardless. So I don't think I do the work of one parent. Or two. I do the work of two parents, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a best friend. And a grandma. Some days. But that doesn't make me a father. It never will.
All of their friends were consumed with "dad" activities, and they were sad and angry, not wanting to do anything. I opted for physical labor outside, and we used up some anger and took our fence down...ending the day with a much better looking yard!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Here and now
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by lillamy
I'm an extremist moderate so I'm gonna position myself right in-between the two of you, Stung & jacrazz.
As a single mom, you're forced to fill the void of the absent parent. Ditto if you're a single dad. Sure, I can't tell my kids what it feels like to be a man -- but I have to fill the void that's left regardless.
And in our cases, having been married to alcoholics, we not only have to be a parent, and fill the void of the absent parent -- we also have to compensate for the garbage the addict parent treated the kids to. It's one helluvaburden, if you ask me.
So I don't think I do the work of one parent. Or two. I do the work of two parents, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a best friend. And a grandma. Some days. But that doesn't make me a father. It never will.
As a single mom, you're forced to fill the void of the absent parent. Ditto if you're a single dad. Sure, I can't tell my kids what it feels like to be a man -- but I have to fill the void that's left regardless.
And in our cases, having been married to alcoholics, we not only have to be a parent, and fill the void of the absent parent -- we also have to compensate for the garbage the addict parent treated the kids to. It's one helluvaburden, if you ask me.
So I don't think I do the work of one parent. Or two. I do the work of two parents, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a best friend. And a grandma. Some days. But that doesn't make me a father. It never will.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
PRAYING! Welcome back! 
Father's Day was subdued. I called my dad. I miss my one grandfather now gone almost 3 years. I was lucky enough to have father, 2 grandfathers and 1 great alive for much of my life. They were all pretty silent.
I recently realized my father is likely still grieving his father. He grew up with him and worked with him nearly his entire life. They drove to work together. We were even neighbors for a few years... For years I rode too in the silence as they'd take me to school. Of course I would wind up with a non communicative male. It is really ALL I know.
So I asked H if he wanted to talk to my Dad and he said, "No, he's not my dad." OK then. I walked around the bomb of no father for 34 years and made the call. One thing about my dad, that call was short bc there's not much to say!
Father's Day was subdued. I called my dad. I miss my one grandfather now gone almost 3 years. I was lucky enough to have father, 2 grandfathers and 1 great alive for much of my life. They were all pretty silent.
I recently realized my father is likely still grieving his father. He grew up with him and worked with him nearly his entire life. They drove to work together. We were even neighbors for a few years... For years I rode too in the silence as they'd take me to school. Of course I would wind up with a non communicative male. It is really ALL I know.So I asked H if he wanted to talk to my Dad and he said, "No, he's not my dad." OK then. I walked around the bomb of no father for 34 years and made the call. One thing about my dad, that call was short bc there's not much to say!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I found out my father (not an A) who I struggle with, has a brain tumor. They will be operating on Wednesday. I probably would not have called him because I was angry with him again. He has always been a crappy father after my parents divorced and he remarried. I love and hate him!! Ask him, and he will tell you he was the father of the year....every year. I do love him, I just wished he was different. Anyway, I called him, we had a nice conversation and I am glad I did but it really stirred up a lot of unexpected emotions.
I guess my point is....some of us have been blessed with great fathers, some of us haven't...for different reasons. Young or old, it still hurts but the healing has to come from within. Ha, my therapist will earn her money this week.
That said....all of us have an awesome father. I call him GOD!!
I guess my point is....some of us have been blessed with great fathers, some of us haven't...for different reasons. Young or old, it still hurts but the healing has to come from within. Ha, my therapist will earn her money this week.
That said....all of us have an awesome father. I call him GOD!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
