Syca205

Tonight I found out my husband drank liquor on the way home from a BBQ with our 15 month old daughter in the car. When he admitted to it, I saw red. I punched him multiple times in the arm and was screaming at him. I couldn't handle that he endangered our baby's life. I did this in front of our daughter and she started crying. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm not sorry for my anger at all, but how I chose to express it. I just went in full on mama-bear mode. I want to apologize to him for it but I'm afraid he will take it as everything is ok and he didn't do anything wrong. I'm so angry with myself that I let his actions dictate my behavior.

He has left the house to stay at his mom's at this point. I told him a year ago that if he drinks he is not welcome in our house. What a wonderful Father's Day tomorrow will be. Not.

ladyscribbler

Hugs to you. You have every right to be angry about him endangering your baby's life. I once stabbed my ex in the neck (with every intention of ending his life) when he attacked me in front of our then 4 y.o. son. Physical violence is never OK. What I did was a symptom of how sick I had become. I have still not apologized. I will do that when I make my ninth step amends through my Alanon program.
Let him stay at his mom's. Father's Day happens every year. One dud is not the end of the world. My ex called me drunk as a skunk last week ranting about Father's Day. I got off the phone calmly and realized that his behavior is a reflection of how he feels about himself. I don't need to add to that.
Are you doing Alanon or any type of counseling for yourself? That can be a real lifesaver when you have young children and an alcoholic in your life.

Pia

Write a letter and save it for later. That will help you get your thoughts on the paper.

FeelingGreat

There was a forum about alcohol on Australian TV last week (Insight), with audience members telling their experiences. One woman lost her 2yo son when her husband was driving drunk with him in the car. He had 6 convictions previously for being over the limit and had never served a day of jail time.

You take whatever care you need to about your baby.

lillamy

So yeah, getting physically violent might not have been the most graceful part of your life. However. Anyone driving drunk with a child deserves some kind of wake up call and I think you gave him one. No violence is not ok. We all know that. But I also know the Mamabear reaction.

I hope you can stick with your boundary - that you don't want him in the house as long as he's drinking. Nevermind Father's Day, it's a made up BS holiday anyway when people like you and I are goaded into pretending the father of out children is this great guy all day. Ugh.

schnappi99

I've taught anger/resentment to our 8yr old daughter, directed at my AW. I was ashamed of myself when I discovered I'd done it and remain so. I had seen some 4th/5th step discussion on how us codies teach our children anger/frustration.. so I asked her about it. I remember the incidents clearly- me all up in my "Justified Anger" and frustration at my wife and my daughter there with me just soaking it in and feeling bad. I made my amends to my daughter and consider this a big behavior lesson for me.

I'd suggest you owe an amends to them both, no matter how much apologizing to him may stick in your throat. But maybe wait for sometime when he's sober for his.

I second the Alanon suggestion, its made a world of difference for me.

I wouldn't sweat fathers day either... I totally ignore it.

Hammer

Well you cannot make him choose to get better.

But you can for you, and the kiddo.

When they say this stuff can get progressive, it sort of applies to all sides .. ..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-husband.html

Syca205

Thank you everyone. I'm planning on attending my first alanon meeting this week. I just felt so out of control, and angry that I let myself get to a point of physical anger.

Hammer

All Good.

You fall down, you get up again.

Seems to work that way for both sides when folks work the program.

Maybe will eventually give you some compassion for the "other" side. But I am not one to talk much about that, as I often do not have a whole lot.

CodeJob

Well turning anger inward and repressing it is a real MFing bad choice too.

I so want a taser. But my temper won't allow for much beyond kitchen knives, golf clubs, and my old wooden softball bat. I'm neat enough that all of these items are easily accessible.