rosepetals

I was wondering is this kind of end stage alcoholism? Hubby has been binging off and on. More on than not lately. Large quantities of ETOH.

Last night hubby took off his shirt. I gasped. While is abs are large from the alcohol, they looked greatly larger. It reminds me of acites you see in patients with cirrhosis. It reminds me of the look before they would tap the belly to remove some excess fluid. (Its bad, but not quite that distended.) I could see veins running up and down the sides of his gut. Large, dark veins. Again I have only seen them in patients with cirrhosis or pancreatitis types of issues or liver disease. He won't show the Dr. or discuss the issues about alcohol abuse. He also has swollen feet, ankles, calves which I read can be caused from the alcohol affecting the heart and kidneys.

I tried to discuss the my concerns this morning with him, while he was sober. I told him I have seen the look many times in patients I took care of at the hospital and I am very concerned. I tried to describe the types of patients. Of course I cannot make a dx. as I can't get tests done. But he has that look, one that is bad enough to cause me concern. His skin is not jaundiced yet.

Those of you with who have watched their loved ones deteriorate, what have you experienced? Did you see this and if so, how long until they are so sick that they need medical help? Was it pain that drove them in to the hospital? So far he does not hurt. Yes, he needs it now but he won't go unless he has to. It took me a couple of days to get him to seek treatment for an infected toe. It was spreading up his food and he is diabetic. That is how stubborn he is.

His reaction from the talk was anger. He increased his binging instead of slowing it down. I wasn't trying to upset him, but let him know gently the signs and symptoms. Let him know that perhaps if he were to stop now that he could possibly improve his health. I know I can't change him. I would love some ideas if anyone has experience with the veining on the abdomen.

Please be gentle when you respond. I am a kind soul trying to help my husband. I want honest remarks, not attacks.

Mountainmanbob

sounds like your husband is in need of two things (as you already know)

no more booze
and
a visit with his doctor

he sounds to be very stubborn
I'm sorry for that
especially for you -- one who cares for and loves him

may we hope and pray that he will get to a doctor before it's too late
I have seen close friends die from drinking
for some it was a very painful long process

prayers are with you
Mountainman

dandylion

rosepetals--I don't think anyone here is going to attack you.

dandylion

MIRecovery

You did what you could. Unfortunately until he wants to change there is very little you can do for him. You can help your self by going to Alanon where you can learn about detachment, enabling, support, and codependency

Seren

Hello rosepetals, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's health.

I'm afraid none of us can tell you whether or not your husband is an 'end stage' alcoholic or not. Certainly his health does sound worrisome.

If he refuses to go to the doctor, however, there really is not much you can do. I wish I could tell you otherwise.

I hope you will continue to encourage him to go see his doctor. In the meantime, I hope you have support for you. I know this is so very hard. How are you doing?

rosepetals

I am doing OK. I got sick after he spayed some bug killer a few weeks ago outside the house. But since I have been taking some natural detox things the last few days my health is turning around. Yesterday I could move my toes !!! Today my legs feel a bit stronger. I can march in place for a couple of minutes. The legs are a bit lighter. I am making slow progress. It sure did affect the MS big time.

I take care of myself. I am juicing, making healthy meals, meditating, self-care types of things. It's my main focus. Today I have been able to exercise for a few minutes at a time. It's progress. I do let go of the stress. I won't carry it.

I feel like I am detaching emotionally from the mess. Perhaps its a way of self-defense? After being called a F***** several times when he is intoxicated has a way of doing that. It's something I am not used to. I know I can not take good care of me properly and worry about him at the same time. The stress was not good for me. So everyday I focus on healing activities for me. This morning when he was mad, I listened to Enya. I love her soothing, peaceful, motivating music. It makes my soul happy. If you haven't listened to her music, you should. Its very unusual. I love the song where she sings about seizing the day.

I know there is nothing I can do for him other than pray. Perhaps one day he will change, but from the little bit I have read it's unlikely. It sounds like the recovery chances are unlikely at this point. I have come to accept the fact that he is what he is. We walk separate journeys. Mine is optimistic, I must remain that way to beat MS. He is very negative, feeling hopeless, lost in the bottle.

Thank you for attempting to answer my questions. I never have been with anyone like this so the journey is quite educational. Are there any good videos, movies on the subject? I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the path he is walking.

Seren

I'm glad to hear you are taking the time to care for yourself, rosepetals.

I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for, but there might be something here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3855726

This will take you straight to a post made by one of our Moderators, Dee, who has compiled a list of threads where members have recommended various movies. Perhaps there will be something in these threads that will help.

rosepetals

I was looking for any video to educate myself on what to expect from the disease. I feel so lost. Living it vs. reading about it is different. Learning what to expect from the disease process I guess is what I want to know.

BunnyNest

I'm so sorry. I'm caring for my loved one with cirrhosis. Cirrhosis is awful. I've cared for others dying from cancer etc., and it doesn't compare to this.

Feel free to pm me if you would like.

My twelve step programs are my respite.

rosepetals

Thank you everyone. I appreciate all the information. As far as I can tell he does not have cirrhosis yet, but is working on getting it. His eyes are still white, but sometimes there is a slight tinge. Sometimes his skin gets a tinge. He never notices though. I do.

I feel like it is coming down the pipeline. He is sitting outside drinking. Yesterday he got mad at me when I discussed my concerns. He got extra drunk yesterday.

How would I know if he is having a blackout? Would I know? Should I know? Someone here said they behave normal, but just don't remember. Does that mean I won't know.

Thank you so much everyone for teaching me.

timeagain

I have a lot of the same questions as you. Its very different to read about it vs. See it. I only knew about black outs after they sobered up. They wouldn't remember conversations etc. But they seemed awake. As far as yellow eyes/skin a person can still have liver damage and have clear skin. Yellow is, from what I understand, very late in the game symptom. Its odd how different each person is. Only a Dr.can tell stage. But what does your gut/ instinct/reading indicate?

rosepetals

Thank you. I am guessing he had a blackout today. He asked what I was making. It was home made soup. He said he wanted some. A few minutes later when I brought him a bowl, he said he didn't remember asking for it. That is a blackout right?

His labs came back, mostly normal. I am shocked. I am guessing it's all the green juices I make for him.

timeagain

Well lab work can be tricky. I know its interesting how it works. Good luck

hopeful4

RP i dont have the answers but want you to know i am here, that i support you and hope you continue to take good care of you.

XXX

9111111

There's a thread over in the alcoholism section called "What's The Worst Thing You Did in a Blackout?"

LadyinBC

Will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers Rosepetals. Lots of hugs coming your way.

redatlanta

Jaundice would be late stage cirrhosis. Just because he isn't yellow doesn't mean he isn't cirrhotic.

Sorry to hear you are dealing with all of this. Would guess the swelling has more to do with the diabetes than anything. I hope he is checking his blood sugars