Justwantnormal

Years ago I read the book 'The 5 Love Languages' (great book if you haven't read it). I think it describes/explains my current state perfectly; my love tank is on empty. The one person that should be filling it is too caught up in his own world and vodka to even notice. Sure he holds off on drinking until the evenings, but he keeps himself so busy during the day with other things that we never have time to just enjoy each others company while sober. I'm sure it's intentional ~ he keeps going with a million and one chores in order to distract himself until it's an 'appropriate' time to drink himself into a coma. I've come to terms with the fact that nothing is going to change. I'm lonely, I'm worn out and done. I think this is it. I've hit the wall and I don't have the energy or desire to climb over it.

CodeJob

Yep. Read that book. Made me piercingly aware that I am terribly lonely. I do agree and recommend it bc it is a beguilingly simple idea!

Nuudawn

I have addiction issues...all over the place.
I mostly use this board (in another section) as a means to support my sobriety...early sobriety at that.
I also have a penchant for toxic, dramatic and sometimes emotionally abusive relationships.
You hit it on the head...your love tank is empty.
As is with any addiction...there is usually some sort of intimacy disorder at the root of it.
My love tank needs a whole lot of filling too.
I don't even know where to start really.
I struggle with addiction all over the place..
My therapist was of the mind that love addiction is the big granddaddy of them all for me.

Sobriety for me is about learning to be better for me...be there for me...know me...like me..love me.

Recovery is not just about recovering from substance abuse. I truly believe it is about recovering from the abandonment of ourselves.

I would like to share something someone on another board shared with me. It's a facebook post from Jada Pinkett Smith.

A letter to a friend:

After many years of alcohol abuse you have celebrated 3 months clean. I've learned a lot from you during this process. I've learned that recovery isn't just for those suffering from substance abuse, but that recovery is about recovering from our traumas, abuse, neglect, abandonment, lack of self-worth, disappointments, failed relationships, the loss of loved ones and so on. There is not one person on this planet that is not recovering from something, and that the process of recovery is about regaining oneself from whatever it is that may have stolen us. Thank you for reminding me that...I am in constant recovery.

Hi...my name is Jada and I'm recovering from...life

I hope that helps a bit. I think mostly my friend...we need to stand up and fight for ourselves.
Love ourselves.

I know that is hard...when we don't have a clue.

Bright blessings and hugs friend.
from a fellow "empty love tank".

honeypig

Nuudawn, that quote is wonderful--thanks so much for sharing!

Pia

"The one person that should be filling it is too caught up in his own world and vodka to even notice."

Why does he get control like that?

"I'm sure it's intentional"

One thing I learned from my experience is this had nothing to do with me. I was just in the way. I was miserable and he was long gone mentally. I wasted time worrying about him when he was unable to give me what I needed. So the only time I wasted was my time he is perfectly happy in his world. Although I don't agree with his world guess what he is so that is where he will stay until he makes changes

Justwantnormal

It's not that I've relinquished control to him, it's more in reference to the book I'm quoting. The book is about keeping a marriage going by filling up each others 'love tanks'. So in that regard, he IS responsible for fulfilling that end of the marriage. And he's failing miserably.

I don't think that avoiding me is intentional, I just mean that keeping himself busy to avoid the urge to start drinking early is intentional. I know leaving will devastate him. But I also know that staying is devastating me.