Nightowl

this is so hard. I hate being divorced, I hate dealing with teenagers, I hate dealing with As. I'm so tired. Life truly sucks right now. I'm fat, I'm anxious, I'm hurt, I'm disapponted. Tehre are so many emotions.

I dont' know what I am trying to say.I would have to write a book for you to understand everything going on. But bottom line is I have been with my A SO for 9 months now. It has been rocky...blending families is. But his trouble with A doesn't help. And my 14 YO DD is having al lkinds of emotional difficulties. Is it because of her hyper critical unloving father? Or due to SO's A-ism. Is it due to the divorce? Is it due to SO's A-ic 22 YO son coming every weekend.

I've told SO that it is inappropriate that his adult son spend every weekend at our house. He has since SO moved in. 9 months of his son coming every weekend, sometimes bringing his puppy who then pees in our house. He has stopped drinking...but the damage has been done. I'm sick of him. He is now sober but now he is depressed and moody as heck.

I am so sick of dysfunctional people -- my ex, my dd, SO, SO"s family, ME. when does this crap end???

I am so sick of my life being complex and I know I am the only one that can find happiness for me. I am trying. But I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I don't seem to be in control of anything. Do I just need these As out of my life and I will be better? Or will I be worse without my SO who I love a great deal but can't seem to live with. Arghh!!!! And I just want my DD to get well and BE NORMAL for once in her life. Her anxiety and lack of confidence is beyond belief. Ugh........I am ready to run off to Tahiti!!

And I am tired of everyone LIKING me. And thus taking advantage of me. I want to be a biatch!!! I want to be hated, I want to be avoided. Can that happen??

I know, I know....read, go to meetings, blah blah blah. I'm so sick of this crap. I should just tell SO to leave and I am sure a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. Why oh why can't I do it?????

Nightowl

Oh, and SO says that I am using his A-ism as my excuse to end a relatinship cause I can't handle relationships. And I am using him and his son as the excuse for my daughter's emotional problems.

I don't know WHAT is causing her emotional problems. Probably a combo of eerything I mentined PLUS her predisposition to being anxious.

I need to get control back. ..somehow. But heck I can't even stop step son from coming to our home. If I can't control THAT how can I control anything.

Nightowl

and if I ask him to leave..........I am faced with being alone again...perhaps for a very long time. I don't know why but that scares me to death. I need love, I need a hug, heck.........I finally need some good s*x!! I dread being alone more than anything in the world. I am not sure why.

Nightowl

sorry to be talking to myself.......but I didn't know I was inheriting a 22YO son every weekend. I don't want one. If I wanted a 22 YO man in my house I would have gone out and gotten my OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JT

Nightowl,

You can't control it. You never could and you never will. You can only control you and what you will and will not allow in your life. And, at least in my life, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Blended families are always tough. Add your own and your daughter's anxiety plus the alcohol-ism and things can get out of control very quickly.

I cannot stress enough that alcoholism is a family disease and that includes you. So the "blah, blah, blah" is true. No one changes if no one changes. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result.

When you focus on you and let the chips fall where they may, when you set some boundaries that you can follow through on, when you stop participating in the chaos, you will discover a self confidence that you never had. Perhaps your fear of being alone will disappear. Right now it is holding you captive.

Hugs,
JT

JT

How do you REALLY feel??

Nightowl

I just want a simple little thing

NO SON FOR A COUPLE WEEKENDS

Is that too much to ask???

My kids are gone every other weekend. We get NO break from HIS GROWN SON (who is 22 going on 12 by the way).


My SO's answer -- well he goes to court for his 2nd DUI in August. He will probably get jail or house arrest so it will take care of itself. GAWD. But I guess he is right. We have let it go on for 9 months now so I guess we can wait another month. SO said that if he tells son he can't come every weekend to visit that he wont' come back at all (my little inner voice -- yippee!!!). My response "o, that is f*ing great and how mature".

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Nightowl

dysfunctional people -- go away and leave me alone!!!!!!!!

Magichappens

It is ok to kick and scream. Sometimes I get to the overwhelmed point.I get so stressed out I feel like my head will explode. Although this is not a permanent answer, at that point I just have to pitch a fit, scream into a pillow, whatever. Relief! I try to do it when no one is around, because I would probably get put in the loonie bin if people witnessed this fit. But guaranteed to let out some of the stress and get a little perspective back for me. Be a little self caring today and take the time you need to feel better about things. Hugs, Magic

myles1

Well NightOwl you are caught in the situation where the father doesn't want to deal with his son. And if you get upset about it you'll be the bad guy.

It sounds awfully stressful to me and probably is a big reason for your daughters confusion.

The only way you can make good decisions is by taking care of you. You have a choice you can continue to whirl around in it or you can choose to take care of you and your daughter. When your SO says you are using his alcoholism as an excuse to end the relationship he is manipulating you.

By taking care you and setting boundaries you'll see that fear of being alone leave.

You aren't a doormat for your SO and his son.

Ngaire

luvmyfurbabies

I certainly can relate to the stress you feel. My A SO won't even talk about not drinking. My father is crazy to the point of driving me crazy. I worked half a day today and I get home and SO is on the phone to lunatic dad. He doesn't let him know I'm home so I don't have to talk to him, thank goodness. I said, "well, what did he say?". He said he needs to move stuff around in his apartment, he can't do it by himself, he can't go anywhere, what day is it and he needs you to call him. Yippee!!! What a great thing to come home to. My mother (who lives in the apartment attached to our garage) is bugging me to death about an auction we are having next weekend. She thinks the auctioneer didn't take enough stuff from the house she sold to finance the garage and apartment. She has arranged to have a free yard sale next Saturday with people from her church to take whatever they want. I've had enough of it, so I said go for it. If anyone lives in Delaware and wants free stuff let me know. Do you ever look at your life sometimes and think "What the he** happened?" BTW after reading what I wrote about my dad, I actually laughed it sounds so weird. What a long strange trip it's been.