Somebody2014

I have posted two times in this forum. Well I finally got the doctor to run a test on my AH to check his blood Ammonia level, because he has serious ascites. He has a very very long history of heavy drinking. Well the Ammonia level came back very elevated and the doctor put him on Lactulose for 10 days so far and then in 2 weeks after that she is going to check his blood ammonia level again. He got mad, because I talked to his doctor and blew him out of the water. He decided that since I somehow got into his danged medical that he wanted full access to discussions with my doctor about my medical problems. I have been totally honest where as he has not been with me. I went ahead and signed the Hippa form that allows him to talk with all my doctors. I really did not want to do this, but I did trick him into that lol.

Yesterday I got into an argument with my BIL about my husbands Ammonia Level. What happened is I went to my BIL's house and tried to break it to him gently, but that is not what happened at all. My Niece and her husband were there. My Niece's husband spoke up very loudly, oh he is in liver failure. Well so much for easing the information to my BIL. I told my BIL that I am working on getting my AH in to see a Hepatologist as soon as I can and he yelled you better act quickly. I had to leave as I could see everyone there was upset with me. It breaks my heart, because I did not cause my AH to drink horribly for years and they all knew of his drinking history and nobody with help me in any way and most of his family are Alcoholics too. I just want to talk is all, but did I handle this correctly? Some advice would be very nice as I am very depressed beyond words.

Live

You are not responsible for other people's actions or reactions.
So now they have shown you what you can expect and what they are capable of and you know not to put yourself in that garbage situation again.
(((hugs))))

suki44883

I agree with Live. You owe them nothing and you certainly do not deserve their emotional abuse. You were kind to let your BIL know about his brother, but now that it's done, and you've seen their reaction, be done with interacting with them about this.

NWGRITS

He needs to be the one dealing with his own medical issues and his own family. You are overstepping and controlling, which you don't have any right to do. Leave his family alone and focus on yourself. What are you doing to take care of #1, instead of #2?

FeelingGreat

Hi Somebody, I can understand your wish to talk things over with your in laws, but now you know how they'll react, better to keep it to trusted friends or family.

Do you plan to step back from your AH's medical issues, or are you going to stay involved out of concern for him? He may have an issue with you telling his family about the medical side, although you have every right to be open about him drinking too much.

lillamy

When I left AXH, his family was so furious they broke all contact with me. I think, just like your AH's family, they were honest-to-God feeling guilty because they had sort of "dumped him" on me -- they were expecting me to take care of him so that they didn't have to. And when I didn't anymore, well, they all of a sudden were faced with "do we help him or don't we?" And they didn't like that much.

I'm guessing the reaction you got from his family might have been something similar. A realization of "oh sh*t just got real" and blaming it on you is easier for them.

As for opening your medical records up to him; I guess that's up to you but that was a pretty manipulative thing for him to require.

Ktsmiau

Don't be hard on yourself and remember that you are only responsible for you!

gvrecovery

What's a BIL?

ladyscribbler

His family will probably not be the people to talk about his health issues. Anyway, it should be up to him what he tells them, and don't take it personally if he isn't honest.
I had a similar experience as Lillamy where his mom was furious with me when I left, and heaven forbid I say a word about her darling son's drinking, though she has softened up quite a bit. I did nc for several months and now we only speak about grandchild/visitation type business. I also make sure DS 5 calls her every week and we send cards, photos and his artwork and the only time I mention my ex is to say he called our son.
I know you're worried about him and you want his family to get involved and be on your side about these health issues, but denial runs really deep in alcoholic/codependent families. My ex's mom still thinks her sons will "outgrow" alcoholism, like it is a phase they are going through.
You need to protect yourself here. He is an adult who is choosing to neglect himself and his health. You cannot control that. Take care of you.
Hope your husband's health improves, I can tell you are very concerned for him. Hugs and welcome.

Live

BIL = Brother-In-Law

OnlyOneProblem

If you are not happy with your decision regarding signing the HIPPA form, you can withdraw that form and have it removed from your record at any time.

honeypig

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-acronyms.html

This should answer any questions along these lines.

Somebody2014

I want to thank everyone for their responses. I unfortunately did overstep my boundaries with my AH's family and believe me that will never happen again. As far as the medical and him having access to my records, I really don't have a problem with that, because he will find out, should he check, that I have been totally honest with him. He also told me to talk with his doctors as he is plenty worried about his Ammonia level. He is very scared. I saw this yesterday. He wants me to ask his doctor to refer him to a Liver Specialist as he is afraid to ask from what he told me. He is terrified now that he is going to end up like one of his brothers who is in a nursing home with severe brain damage due to liver disease from alcoholism. I really did not mean to be controlling, but I guess that is my nature unfortunately. I got a real lesson about talking with his family and that will not happen again, ever.

It is just a sad situation and yes I do have to worry more about me and my medical problems and believe me I have serious medical problems I have Lupus, Sjogrens, Pernicious Anemia, Osteo-arthritis of all the major joints and spine and I have AFIB. Yes I have to worry more about me and less about him to keep my sanity.

pavaoiztarza

Let me pray for you.

Dear God, I am asking for your power to lift this woman up. You have seen the love she has. She can do tremendous work in your kingdom.You taght us not to worry under any circumstance, for the very hairs on our heads are numbered. Please take help and take away the worry and the depression, that adds to the issues she has. i claim your gift of sound mind and powerful spirit for this woman.

In Jesus name, Amen.