NewBeginnings32

LOL, I can totally relate! We've actually went to an al-anon meeting together in the past, and she took it upon herself to share my situation with ABF, they gently requested that she keep the focus on herself... at the time I had really raw emotions due to what was going on and I hadn't even planned on sharing, just listening... after that I told her I would be attending meetings by myself, and if we ever did end up at the same meeting for whatever reason that she is not allowed to talk about me....

NewBeginnings32

Thank you ShootingStar1,
You have written the truth, what I know I needed to hear and to follow through on, I will re-read your post to build up my resolve, thank you for your kind words of understanding, but also thank you for telling me the truth... I've made it this far and I have taken these steps for a reason; it is time that I follow through... I never thought of call DV Hotline, for advice on speaking with the landlord...I think I am operating out of a sense of fear and that is where the hesitation is coming from, getting some clear cut advice from the hotline will hopefully help to settle the fear of the unknown....

Patticakes

Oh NewBeginnings32 I so feel your pain..... I have been where you are. It was just two weeks ago that I took the steps to stop living in the turmoil. My AH relapsed and drank for the last year and a few months. I was also becoming more and more afraid of him as his drinking became heavier. But I found myself making excuses for his threats saying to myself, "Oh he really did not mean that....he was just trying to scare me."

Fact is, he was trying and succeeded and the next step would be him following through with those threats. As his anger grew those threats had a VERY REAL possibility of becoming reality. Please listen to your gut when it says, "I'm scared." We can get so confused in the muck and mess created by alcoholism. Your feelings are VALID, REAL and VALUABLE. YOU are valuable and deserve to be loved and cherished. He's not doing that for you....you need to do that for yourself.

My AH would never discuss rationally living separately while he figured out what was important to him. Anytime I brought the subject up of separating he went ballistic on me. I finally had to make the move on my own and take the steps like ripping off a Band-Aid. It was painful and scary to take the steps to end the chaos in my home. But I KNEW if I wanted my life to change I had to be the one to take the steps. You can do it too! Gather your support around you. Family, friends, sponsor if you have one..... amazing how people will help hold you up when you ask for help.

Sending you prayers for strength to love yourself and take care of you. You are worth it.

NewBeginnings32

Thanks Patticakes!
I wasn't even going to post about this... almost felt ashamed for contemplating going back, but I will keep sharing on here so that the reality of the situation stays at the forefront, and any fantasies that I want to entertain can be put in check. Glad to hear I'm not alone in regards to ABF not being receptive to breaking up, I started to feel like I was crazy for wanting it... Thank you for sharing, your story gives me hope that I can leave too!

Patticakes

Oh my goodness NewBeginnings32 you are NOT crazy!!! Do not second guess yourself, trust your gut...your heart! You are strong, smart and very worth being loved....truly loved!

ShootingStar1

The thing to remember now is the reverse of the famous Pogo quip:

"We have met the enemy, and he is us"

That is what the addict/alcoholic wants us to think for their self-preservation.

In truth, we HAVE met the enemy, and it is him.

ShootingStar1