kalalanon

I am impatient! I know that seeking recovery is just the first step in healing myself, my empowerment all to enable me to get confidence, get a job, move myself and my children out this house and away from my alcoholic partner but I want it all now!
There's no local al anon group (oh the perks of living in regional Western Australia!) The books at my library are textbooks and I can't concentrate long enough to reap any information. I'm starting to get sour that I let myself get in this position where I'm now the one who needs help, where I'm financially dependant on this man and am so overweight!
I need help departing this pity party!
P.s: I have started detaching myself where I won't talk to my partner if he has been drinking and I won't allow the children to be home alone with him. In the last week he has obviously tried to involve himself more in our family life in the evenings (which the kids love) he's been doing his fair share of the yardwork but I still can't bring myself to spontaneously start conversation. I feel like he's stomping around (whilst being productive) like he wants a medal for reading the kids a book or for putting out the rubbish?! Am I normal to still be cold when past experience tells me this isn't going to last?
We have friends coming to stay this weekend which means I'll have to move out of the spare room. The thought of sharing a bed with him makes me feel ill

redatlanta

I believe there are Al Anon support groups online.

Everything you are feeling is normal. Its unfortunate that many people, not just alcoholics, take the "too little too late" approach to fixing something that is wrong. Our response is no response because we are tired and have been fooled before.

The anger at yourself is also normal. Is there any possibility that you could find a local therapist that might be able to help you sort through all this?

CodeJob

Here is an audio link to the classic text on codependency. It is written in an approachable manner.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ng-others.html

Being here on SR helped me more initially than Al Anon. I used SR for steps 1-3. Here's a link to that section. SR reassures me that the crazy I live with - well I am not alone.

NEW!12-Step Support for Friends and Family - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

So check different areas out. I did not tell you all the good things on this site. Welcome. I still have to reign in my impatience and I'm at 13 months of working on me.

BlueSkies1

It may not last, it may not stick with him to be a better husband, father, man of a household.
However you can decide that it is going to stick for YOU---to be a better person in any ways that you decide are needed, will improve yourself.
We have to look at ourselves and say--Just do it! The same way we would like to scream it at them. I know it's a struggle to change! But everyday, every minute, I have to ask myself, is this what I should be doing right now? And adjust accordingly.

lillamy

I don't know if it's normal or not but I can relate to that. My experience was that it lasted until he felt somewhat certain that I wouldn't pack up and leave, and then it was back to getting wasted again.

I understand your impatience, too. (((hugs)))

Pia

Being married to an alcoholic is very painful. You have to deal with alot. Can you make you a gratitude list?

kalalanon

By gratitude list do you mean the things I am grateful for? Beautiful smart children, sunny weather, etc?
I can do that! Thank you!
Can't check out the other links until I get to a PC.
Sitting at the table tonight with our guests and my son says loudly,"Now that your friends are staying you won't be able to sleep in the spare room any more Mummy" Ah, bless him. I don't think our guests heard and if they did they didn't say anything. Our friend used to live here but left as he wasn't satisfied with the drinking culture that's here, he'll understand.