giz

bf and I had plans today.

He was going to a 1st thursday motorcycle get together (AT A BAR) and I origionally planned to stay home and work on some stuff but have a really bad cold so rested.

Well, I was worried anyway with him being in/near a bar situation since he's been sober maybe just a week now.

I was waiting for him at 10...10:30...11pm. I finally called at midnight. He casually answers and says he called my "home" number, figured I was asleep and went home.

I'm so angry!
I slept lightly so I could hear my cell phone ring, I kept waking up so I wouldn't miss him.

I have this bad, bad feeling, he had alcohol and wanted to avoid me.

So I called and complained about this. Told him I would disconnect the home phone (It's really a business phone). He said he didn't want to ring up mintues...WHO DOESN'T HAVE FREE MINUTES AFTER 9PM?


giz
(p.s) I also quit smoking this morning so I will not deny I am cranky.

best

beer and a bike don't mix well either.
Good reason to worry. Maybe he could look for a sober bike club if he is looking for riding friends. Every evening, all summer long I have a place I could go if wanted. 2 places accually. Every Mon night there is a sober ride and recovery meeting if wanted for me. he could look into such things available in your area if wanted.

ps

even without the stop smoking... well such things would make me cranky as well *LOL*
try not to let his problem become more of a problem for you.

bookworm

I'm with you...that tight feeling in your chest, the dread in your heart, the sickly feeling in your tummy. It's awful. I'm sorry you had to feel like that. How's your cold? Please try and get a bit of a rest. Have a long hot bath and read a really good book - sounds naff I know but it worked for me when I used to feel like that before G and I moved in together and I used to wonder where he was, what he was doing blah blah blah.
((((giz)))))
Sandra

Yreva

I know it is easy to say and hard to do, but your worrying is only making you miserable. He is probably sleeping like a baby, or actually like a drunk! Try to worry about yourself, not him...you cannot police his drinking anymore than you can make him want to stop. If he really wanted to stop after a week of sobriety he would be at an AA meeting, and not even near a bar....Hang in there- a long road for us people that love an alcoholic, but try not to worry, you will feel such a burden lost if you give up trying to fix him, and just try and take care of yourself. I feel for you! Keep coming here, and try not to stress.
Diane

Magichappens

I HATE FEAR! I imagine the worse, and I listen to my crazy thoughts. I blow things out of proportion. I listen to suggestions from people that have no experience dealing with this. That only fuels my fear into terror. Then when I realize my fears are molehills instead of the mountains I made them, I feel foolish and mad that I did that to myself. But how do you keep from doing it? Haven't figured that one out yet. But at least with the help of Alanon, my sponsor, and SR, I don't get that way as often, or stay that way as long. I don't know how it works, but it does. Hugs, Magic

myles1

Hi,

your gut is probably right.

If he really wanted to stop drinking he wouldn't be going to a bar.

There are sober bike clubs out there. Any A.A meeting could direct him to one called "The Fifth Chapter".

It's important to take care of you, you can;t control him or his drinking.

Ngaire

giz

Thank you all. Good points like that I can't stop him, he will still make his own choices is very true. Counting, I've read, doesn't help either.

If he is sneaking, he will eventually get caught, and I will be gone.

My cold is somewhat better, nose is not continually running...still hacking up loogies though...Stayed home from work

giz

giz

Update.

So the boyfriend tell me that today, during lunch, he went to one of the local strip clubs (a dive one) and had a couple of beers.

I didn't mention this but he also regularly goes to strip clubs, which I don't like at all. If you have a girlfriend (who many would find very attractive) why keep going? I can understand if you went while you weren't dating anyone...but STOP NOW!

How am I supposed to take this? So, he "hasn't drank for a week", at least as far as he's admitted. I feel like I don't even want to lay eyes on him.

He made a choice to go into the strip club, to order a beer, order another (who knows how many more).....

I am so $#@%$@$# angry.
giz

myles1

Giz,

This is how you deal with it. Take the focus completely off him and put it on you. Ask yourself:

"Do I want and need a relationship with someone who has a drinking problem and wants to go to strip clubs"?

See what you come up with. Because chances are this isn't going to change.

I get the impression you don't live with him. If you don't you are way ahead of the game.

Ngaire

Lorelai

Giz -
I don't know what the fascination with strip clubs is. (Well, I guess maybe I do.) My H goes (or at least used to go) but he always lied about where he was. When he got caught, he would say it was my fault (HUGE surprise) because I wasn't good enough in bed.

I used to tell myself that strip clubs were better than regular bars because there weren't a lot of women there to hit on. Good thinking - huh? I guess that works if you don't count all of the naked women working there.

Don't beat yourself up wondering why he needs to go there if he has you. I don't think it has anything to do with us because, as usual, it's all about them.
L

giz

Myles -You are completely right. I find it shameful and embarrasing. You are right, I don't live with him.

Lorelai -He tells me, if I ask. But, why does he keep going?

I don't care because we're gonna be done. He can keep acting like he just turned 21 (he is 38, his birthday is next month)