Complete the proverb
 

Hi all,

Firesprite referenced the following Chinese proverb yesterday (thanks, FS!):

Man takes drink
Drink takes drink
Drink takes man

Been ruminating on this all day.

Here's why:

It's always as though the story is just about the A. But there's so much more, as we all unfortunately know too well.

So, what happens next?

Man takes drink
Drink takes drink
Drink takes man

Then:

Man takes woman ( swap genders anywhere you like, as suits)
Children follow
Woman tries to break free
Children resist
Man takes woman
Drink still has man
(Repeat as necessary)
Woman breaks free with children
Man stays with drink

And then what?

Today, I am sad. I feel like drink wins, all the people are sad, and drink took us all on a ride. I never drink, but drink got me anyway. Maybe it will take my children one day. It seems to cast its spell over whole families, their circle of friends, and beyond.

Drink got me, too, even though I rarely have even a glass of wine. This is a different framework than codependency. Not all of us are big codies. But we have all been on drink's ride.

I wonder if F. Scott Fitzgerald based this quote off of that proverb.

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Pippi...I am certain you just wrote about my and ABf's lifestory.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. But here is the bright side: the proverb is finite and your life and your children's lives aren't over. The proverb goes: drink takes man. The End. Life doesn't work that way (well it does but yours isn't over, some life stories really do end by way of alcohol but yours doesn't appear to be heading that direction if you keep working on yourself.) Rather your own personal proverb is more like this:

…

Drink Tries to Take Woman
Woman and Children Escape Drink
Woman Takes Back Life From Man
Woman Takes Back Life From Drink
…

And your proverb will keep on going. :) Yours isn't over, Pippi. Cheer up, Buttercup. I think you have a much happier ending ahead of you.

Aw, Stung, thanks!!! I like it :)

You know, I am glad to be sad. It feels better than scared, angry, overwhelmed and confused. I think I am moving through the emotions and have arrived finally at sad. I don't feel like a bad or weak person in sad. I feel nice.

Drink cast a spell over our family and it's slowly wearing off the children and I. But I don't entirely want to let go.

When I kicked out AH I did so very suddenly because he got so crazy scary. It was sudden and decisive but I have had a lot a LOT of processing to do since. I wanted to force him to change. He has tried to force me back. Neither of us has moved an inch.

I think I am holding myself back from taking back my life. I am surprised at the truth of this but it is the truth. I am moving forward but resisting every other step. It means really saying good bye.