Brindie

So this Wednesday would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. AH and I have been separated for nearly 6 months and the lawyers are working on it, but AH is dragging heels and saying he's leaving the family home at the end of the month. I guess this means - even though he's 5 months sober - that he's moving out to leave me clean up his mess to get the house sold. He never took responsibility for anything, drunk or sober. I'll be left to clean up after him, as usual. But that will be ok because our divorce will be over sooner. My thing right now is he has been hosting a 'pity party' on Facebook the past few months (he just joined, and I have been following friends and family all over the world for 3 years) and all his family - quite rightly - have come out in sympathy. All, except one - his sister - continue to post the occasional 'like' to any comment I make. My entries and comments are few and far between, deliberately to avoid breaking the NC I have imposed, and giving anything away. These are people I will never see again, they live in other countries, and realistically the minute we split, that was it - we have no children together. While he has been hosting his 'pity party' - and getting loads of likes for his 'disease' and victim status, I am sitting in a rented property, watching this 'poor me' s**t, and keeping quiet. Behaving with a bit of integrity. Choking at most of it though. I'm doing great, though with the anniversary coming up, a bit more shaky than I thought. So, to my question .... the way I thought I might like to celebrate our anniversary is to post a link on FB to a domestic abuse site. OK, so part of me wants to prod. I haven't done that so far. But a larger part of me wants to put out there how much of a target I was, never mind his victim status and 'poor me's'. I think I know the answer to the question already - don't - but just thought I'd suck it and see. Just feel like making the point, I guess. It is so frustrating that people I loved for years - and loved me - are taken in by this.

lillamy

I understand the urge. And you've predicted at least my response correctly: Don't do it.

Keeping the moral high ground sucks. But it pays off in the end.

That's my 5 cent's worth.

I'd celebrate some other way. Like treating myself to a spa day and a dinner at a restaurant you know he would hate.

AnvilheadII

NO contact includes THEIR facebook page. or deliberately posting things on YOUR page that you hope will have an impact on THEM.

he's allowed to have as many pity parties as he wishes. others are allowed to express sympathy. and click the like button.

let it be. know your own truth and don't worry about other's truths.

Joe Nerv

Being hurt by Facebook posts is IMO choosing pain. I know that sounds cold, but I really believe it. There are certain people who's lives I'm really not interested in knowing about, so I'm not friends with them. I could come up with a lot of justifications why I "should" or "need to be" friends with them, but it would be a lot of BS. Facebook is loaded with drama that I don't choose to be a part of. I check my page a couple of times a week. I wouldn't even have a page if I weren't a musician. Its kind of essential for me.

notreme

Take the high road. Facebook pity parties get old. Quick. People will lose interest in his trainwreck.

m1k3

As they say in the rooms it's none of my business what other people think of me.

Your friend,

Brindie

I know you guys are all bang on the money, it's been getting me down for a while this FB nonsense. So I may just 'unfriend' the lot of them, and stick with my own oldest and dearest friends. That might be the thing to do. Just cut the lot off completely .......

Aeryn

I hate Facebook - deleted my account a month ago and haven't missed it. To me Facebook is just a place for "people pretending to be happy" to "share" their happy pictures with others to make themselves feel better. I mean really...and ok if they really are happy why do they feel the need to impose that on everyone else...sorry but to me it's just a platform for social falsity. And yeah I realize that's a bit negative BUT the positive is I've felt so much better without that distraction in my life. If I want to see a friend I will see them and if they want to share with me personally about their lives (including pics) that's great but no I don't want to see everyone's "great image" of their "perfect life" on facebook. UGH.

Not sure my point.......I guess if you don't have a Facebook you don't have to worry about that stuff?

BTW - I also hate that kid that supposedly "invented Facebook" - he was a jerk and a thief and a disgrace to the computer science professional community IMHO....haha...sorry rant over.

PS - Back when I had a facebook my ex-father in law (an active A) told me off on it...that was "fun"!!! uggghhhh...yeah don't miss it.

dandylion

Brindie---I certainly understand the feelings that you have about this. After feeling like we have unjustly been l eft with the short end of the stick by someone else in a relationship---we yearn for some kind of public social "justice". So rarely do we get this--a l ot us are left with nothing but wreckage--physical and emotional.

At least you seem t understand enough to cut y our l osses and move on.

Good for you.

Probably best to go out with some close friends on that day.....

dandylion

Stung

I deleted my FB account a couple of months ago too mostly because of the drama but also because it was such a time drain for me that really was providing basically zero benefit in my life. I had healthy friends on Facebook that would just post what they were up to whether it was good or bad but mostly (and this is basically a testament to my own disfunction) most of my friends were posting "perfect" images to testify the "perfect" life that they wanted everyone else to believe that they were living. I'm guilty of doing that too. A few family and friends were upset that I deactivated my account but it's not like they can't text, email or call me. People who want to be connected with me have figured out how to find me whether I'm on FB or not.

atalose

There's a reason it's doubed "Fake Book". There's no sense in trying to get anyone who's read fiction to believe its none fiction. It's a waste of your time and energy.

Maybe stay away from Fake Book for a while and come here instead.

FeelingGreat

Hi Brindle, I like FB for the chance to stay in touch with people I don't see very often, and most of them are middle aged so aren't huge drama kings and queens. If you have old friends on the page I'd just do some pruning rather than give up the whole idea.

Best to unfriend anyone who might disturb your hard-won serenity. You sort of know that anyway. FB can be useful strategically for keeping track of the EX but you have to weigh it up against peace of mind. I'll PM you with a thought I had though....

NWGRITS

I keep FB because most of my friends and tolerable family are 3,000 miles away. My page is, however, locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I have to approve anything posted about me, for me, or involving my kids. I blocked my AM and her whackadoo supporters. Ignorance is bliss.

Brindie

Thanks guys for validating what I knew to be the right thing - keep quiet, carry on and focus on doing the right thing, and doing things right. Don't fall into tit for tat stuff, don't torture self on FB, and get down to the real business of working on me again. It's good to vent, so thanks all again .... have a good day x