Do you comfront the behavior of the alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
When he calls and tries to pin things on me.... his behaviors on me, I am trying to figure out how to put the ball back in his court.
hang up.
seriously, there is no good reason for you to listen to a bunch of smarmy blameshifting BS from anyone. especially when you have the ability to END the conversation. he's a bitter drunk now....THAT is who he is, that is who he choose to become. and you are simply one more target.
hang up.
seriously, there is no good reason for you to listen to a bunch of smarmy blameshifting BS from anyone. especially when you have the ability to END the conversation. he's a bitter drunk now....THAT is who he is, that is who he choose to become. and you are simply one more target.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Joshua Tree,CA
Posts: 18
Hello, I am new here but I identify with a little of what your saying. I am learning that he lies to everyone, people at AA, his sister, everyone. They are expert liars.
And if he tells you they said something it may be only partly true,or out of context. But it doesnt matter what they think.
Its what is acceptable to you.
And if he tells you they said something it may be only partly true,or out of context. But it doesnt matter what they think.
Its what is acceptable to you.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
There is nothing you can say which will have any impact.
If he,s calling you and saying these things tell him you are getting off the phone and hang up. That will have more impact than anything you can say.
If he,s calling you and saying these things tell him you are getting off the phone and hang up. That will have more impact than anything you can say.
Originally Posted by WendyOR 
When he calls and tries to pin things on me.... his behaviors on me, I am trying to figure out how to put the ball back in his court. Each time I go to him in a loving and caring manner, he retracts. Do I just ignore it? Do I tell him his real love is the bottle? Do I tell him the way the real way he makes me feel when he says really hurtful things. For him, it is now usually when he is sober... when he is drinking he is soft and gentle. It is his mind when he is sober that is so mean and hurtful. I go through many scenarios in my mind over and over, to let him know how this has been so mean to me.
I am really upset with his sister as well. She counsels people through AA. She keeps telling him, he isn't that bad... nowhere near what she had been. Why is nobody but me really concerned about this? Not his friends... not his family.... I just sit and wonder. I pray. I pray and pray. I know I can't change this. I just need to find the wisdom how to confront how he makes me feel when he says things. I think... I don't want to rock the boat... and my real fear isn't him leaving, it is thinking he will drink more. That is my real fear.
I am really upset with his sister as well. She counsels people through AA. She keeps telling him, he isn't that bad... nowhere near what she had been. Why is nobody but me really concerned about this? Not his friends... not his family.... I just sit and wonder. I pray. I pray and pray. I know I can't change this. I just need to find the wisdom how to confront how he makes me feel when he says things. I think... I don't want to rock the boat... and my real fear isn't him leaving, it is thinking he will drink more. That is my real fear.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
my real fear isn't him leaving, it is thinking he will drink more. That is my real fear
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