Carlotta

When my study of the Steps reached Step Seven (“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings”), I stumbled on the very first word. “Humble!” I thought. “The last thing I need is to be more humble.” Hadn’t I been humble all my life, putting everyone’s needs ahead of my own? What had it ever brought me except abuse? But Al-Anon suggested that perhaps I had confused humility with humiliation. Humility does not mean begging for mercy. Real humility, I discovered, is the ability to see my true relationship to God and to my fellow human beings. The second word wasn’t much easier. I had learned not to ask anyone for anything. Al-Anon showed that my knowledge and experience are limited. I don’t know all the answers—and I don’t have to know them! I can ask for help. My concept of the last word has also changed. I used to think of shortcomings as crimes, faults, sins, or mistakes. Now I think of them as blocks within me that prevent me from reaching my full potential and distance me from my Higher Power.

mamaplus2kids

Oh… I have a hard time asking for help. I am 2 1/2 years recovering from a 5 1/2-year relationship with a pot smoker/alcoholic man. I still love him and can't seem to move on. I know that isolating is one of my problems and not asking for help (i.e. not calling friends) is an even bigger problem. When I cultivate my friendships (take initiative, make plans, share my feelings, etc…) with the right people, my "need" for my ex disappears. It just requires me to be courageous and reach out!!

Hammer

Do you have Alanon around there?

It is really nice to deal with folks who really "get it," when you need help.

mamaplus2kids

We have a weekly CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), which is very similar to Al-Anon. Problem is that in low season (when all the English-speaking tourists are gone) I am lucky if 1 person shows up for a meeting! That's the downside of living in the Alps.