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Now, For the Main Event

Old 06-07-2014, 07:32 PM
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Now, For the Main Event

I went to see new L last Thursday. My plan had been to put retainer on a number of credit cards. I thought I'd give it a try and transfer money from account AH had set up jointly but never gave me access to. I would wire transfer funds to joint acct. Then would transfer to personal acct. Well after an hour the transfer hadn't gone through. I'm checking the joint checking acct. And AH got large bonus plus pay deposit. I transferred almost all the money before I could mull the decision to long. I took about a third of available cash. Even left enough in checking to cover checks coming in. Ah totally flipped out. He has a alerts set up on his phone any time there is movement in any account. He stopped the wire transfer then cleaned out the rest of checking acct. Sometime Thursday night he cleaned out my wallet. Money and credit cards. Friday I sent him an email and told him I was using the money to retain an L. He had let our credit card mad out at 10k. He said he is not paying the bill that I needed to with the money I had. Too late, already wrote retainer check. He then leaves town with dd to visit family. Left me with car with expired tags, on empty, and bald tires. I found his poker money and bought groceries and gas with quarters. Hope everyone else is having a better weekend.
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Old 06-07-2014, 07:36 PM
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Well F***.
Yeah, I hope nobody's having a worse weekend... (((Hugs)))
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Old 06-07-2014, 07:38 PM
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I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Old 06-07-2014, 07:54 PM
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I just had thought I had planned it all out. The stealing money from my purse did me in. Today I called the credit card company and reported the cards stolen. So the cancelled his cards too. I also had account closed, it was joint. They will open new separate accts. I doubt this Will affect the AH much. I figured out a while back he must already have opened his own accts. Too much money missing.
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Old 06-08-2014, 12:31 AM
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Well, f*ckapurpleduck. My AM did this to her own mother last year. Not the exact same circumstances, but cleaned her out of money she desperately needed. So far any legal ramifications are going right over AM's head. I'm so angry for you. (((Hugs)))
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Old 06-08-2014, 08:48 AM
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Wahine, just my observation -- but that sounds like an Awful Lot of drama stuff.

Dunno about you, but I have come to find that I do not enjoy that.
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Old 06-08-2014, 01:11 PM
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Ah has be escalating since last year. Several episodes of near violence. But he is very careful and never crossed the line. My back story is I can't work due to multiple health issues. He keeps tightening control over the money. Letting me have less and less even as he makes more. He has moved any available cash out of my reach. I have been trying to leave for six months. He lives a very glamorous life. Travels all over, stays in nice hotels. East at very nice restaurants all for work. He comes home on weekends and forces the kids and me to live pretty meager lives. He has a brand new car, very nice through work. I have a 14 year old vehicle that is in very bad shape. I'm not feeling well and having a pity party today. He will be home in two hours and I will be trapped in my room the rest of the day.Ugh.
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Old 06-09-2014, 07:01 PM
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Latest update. Feeling better. Must of had a bug. Discovered AH removed safe from home this morning. I started laughing. It isn't huge, but even empty Is pretty heavy. I don't believe anything of mine was in it. Although reflecting on his behavior the past couple of days I'm pretty sure he took all of my good jewelry awhile back. I believe he has the jewelry at his office. Is there anyway I could get it back? One dd needs money for school. He leaves and goes out of town. Dd text him telling him she needs money. He tells her to talk to me. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to handle this.
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Old 06-09-2014, 07:40 PM
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You said you have enough money to retain the attorney have you?

Yes you should be able to get jewelry back. Gifts are gifts.

You can handle this. He is being an a$$hole. Probably not much different than before.
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Old 06-09-2014, 11:32 PM
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Unfortunately Wahine, your story is somewhat familiar. My xah did similar when I got a lawyer. I don't want to go into the gory details, but it is horrible what he has done to the children and I. I was truly unprepared for the living off of found change in the couch lifestyle we had to adopt when he cut off the child support and everything. He has dragged out our divorce for 18 months and it has been exhausting.

Be prepared for more of same and worse. Do you really still live under the same roof? I would call your local dv shelter or the national dv hotline for help. This is financial abuse. You say he hasn't been violent, but close to it. My xah got pretty crazy and dangerous when I decided the relationship was over and started to free myself. He still won't let me go, truly. He thinks he can control his family by destroying our finances. He doesn't seem to care what he is doing to his relationship to the children in the process.

Keep posting and seeking legal advice. But better to get what free help you can. Lawyers are costly and they don't always really care about whether they are helping you or just adding to their incomes. Inform yourself and take good care.

((((Hugs))))
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Old 06-10-2014, 01:30 AM
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Thank you everyone for the kind words. The L never called back yesterday and my stomach is in knots. I checked the joint checking account. It is now over drawn by $500. Even when in college and working two jobs I never let something like this happen. I could see where he made 6 separate withdrawals in order to clean out the account. I talked to the DV shelter. They made it sound like there was nothing to be done as he hasn't broken any laws. I'm having to work pretty hard not to take copies of our financial statements and shove them under the upturned noses of his family. I can only imagine what he has told them. Going to alanon tomorrow. Some place to cry without the kids around.
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Old 06-10-2014, 01:43 AM
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Yes, the dv shelter can't stop his financial abuse, but could they not offer you some counseling/advice? Try the national hotline for support if not the local shelter. They are usually pretty great.

I am overdrawn too. I was living quite well until Xah went crazy.

Once divorce proceedings start they put a stop to the crazy money withdrawings to some extent. You need temporary orders. Seek legal counsel, but don't expect fairness or understanding from the law, either. They will create some order from the current chaos, however. Your A needs a strong hand and many eyes watching right now.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:30 AM
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Wahine--did you talk to an actual lawyer--at the dv center?? If not--ask them to refer you to a good lawyer. It is essential that you get legal advice. You are married to him and there are children--you have rights!! The children have rights.

Yes..going to an alanon meeting is a good idea. You need some help in your court, right now!

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Old 06-10-2014, 06:17 AM
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It really sticks when we plan things out so carefully to have the leat amount of impact and then things dont go as planned. What I do in those situations is to do whatever I can with what I have and pray to my HP to guide me. Hang in there. You have your goal in sight.
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Old 06-10-2014, 10:07 AM
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Omigosh this is just terrible and is definitely abuse! I hope you have records of EVERYTHING. Every single transaction he's making since you are LEGALLY afforded a % of it. Of course that will take $ to retain a person of the law to make it happen before a judge, unfortunately. What an @$$ he is!!
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Old 06-20-2014, 10:34 PM
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Latest update. L has gone out of town (I knew) second-in-command L took vacation. Letter sent to AH by L left out several key points. Ie: don't steal from your wife, provided support to wife and kids. Ah went out of town. I discovered my coin collection, inherited from my father,was taken by AH. He denies it. I emailed him today asking where the safe is. He wouldn't tell me. I have decided to call the police tomorrow and report the theft. I'm sure he has the items in his office.
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