Hindering an alcoholic's recovery
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 3
I am somewhat dealing with this myself. Long story short, I was with my ex fiance for 4 years and, we broke up due to his alcoholism. I tried to go to his family for support and, none of them wanted to help him with me so, I left. Since that time, he has hit his rock bottom and, been sober. He has done everything he can for right now, changed his heart, turned to God, confessed all his wrong doings, all of it. His Mother, the one person that I felt relied too heavily on him before, has supported his recovery efforts the least. I do not understand it. For ten years he works on their farm in his spare time 5 days a week and, in his recovery he has realized he wants to do that less and live a life of God and spend more time making amends and starting a family with me. She seems like the most selfish person to me and, this puts a lot of pressure on ME to be his support role. So, I know exactly what you are talking about. My opinion, she liked him as a drunk because she could easily guilt and manipulate him.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Hi Mirage,
As someone who had a great deal of anger and resentment towards my own family,
I want to encourage you as part of your recovery to get some therapy to deal with the strong anger issues you have towards your family.
It doesn't really hurt them, but it sure hurts you.
When I was able to release some very justified resentments, my recovery became
so much easier and frankly quit a lot "sweeter" if you know what I mean.
Step away from them, focus on yourself, and expect some noise when they
no longer have your full attention and energy.
When my alcoholic mother was no longer the center of my world, she was so angry
she acted out repeatedly for years. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
One thing I learned from that was not to let other people control you or keep
you in a "family role" that no longer fits or is good for you.
You deserve better and it sounds like you are going after it.
Separate and be free!
As someone who had a great deal of anger and resentment towards my own family,
I want to encourage you as part of your recovery to get some therapy to deal with the strong anger issues you have towards your family.
It doesn't really hurt them, but it sure hurts you.
When I was able to release some very justified resentments, my recovery became
so much easier and frankly quit a lot "sweeter" if you know what I mean.
Step away from them, focus on yourself, and expect some noise when they
no longer have your full attention and energy.
When my alcoholic mother was no longer the center of my world, she was so angry
she acted out repeatedly for years. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
One thing I learned from that was not to let other people control you or keep
you in a "family role" that no longer fits or is good for you.
You deserve better and it sounds like you are going after it.
Separate and be free!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
A psychiatrist once described my addicted enmeshed psychotic family as a dysfunctional family, and added a comment that was like a huge lightbulb to me.
He said "While all families have boundaries, and that is good; dysfunctional families have rubber walls."
Even as they seem to throw you out of the family when you won't do what they want, they are actually bouncing you toward another rubber wall that
keeps you trapped."
To me, a sick family system has its own internal, often hidden purpose: To keep all players in the system so that the rallying cry that the family needs (individually and collectively) to keep on functioning is heard:
FAMILY team on the field, new positions, GAME ON !!!!!!!!
ShootingStar1
He said "While all families have boundaries, and that is good; dysfunctional families have rubber walls."
Even as they seem to throw you out of the family when you won't do what they want, they are actually bouncing you toward another rubber wall that
keeps you trapped."
To me, a sick family system has its own internal, often hidden purpose: To keep all players in the system so that the rallying cry that the family needs (individually and collectively) to keep on functioning is heard:
FAMILY team on the field, new positions, GAME ON !!!!!!!!
ShootingStar1
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