im going to go down to hooker boulevard at about 2 am and open an ice cream stand

Fathom! You forgot that there are also married guys. And yes, it is so confusing! I have these guys texting me and asking me to work out with them and grabbing me around my waist and hanging out with me poolside and I don't know what is sport and what is friendly and where the darned line is.

A foreign tongue on my cone though? Yuck.

Your thread seems to me to be about who Fathom is in this strange world of men. I wouldn't think too hard about the ice cream lickers, but more about Fathom and what kind of a relationship she wants to find herself in.

I am going for a run tomorrow with a very nice looking married artist and fellow soccer parent that is ready for more in this life. Last week's run/date was with a never-been-married guy who is telling himself he needs to settle down and flirts with everyone. The one I think I quite possibly like is the quiet guy in the pool who keeps smiling at me (rare in this prim country of non-smilers) but is too shy to talk much. I have to ask him to run with me, though, but we are always with the other guys.

I want honest and simple. It's the wolves crossing the line and licking someone else's ice cream cones that make life complicated.

Amen, Pippi! Thanks for that. :) I'm thinking that Hammer's explanation resonates the most with me. I think I just live in the land of major douchebags and I need to stop judging my negativity toward them as anything but me looking out for me. I like the shy smiley ones too, Pippi. I hope you find a moment to ask him for a run soon!

Best,
Fathom

Now I'm wondering what my neighbors were thinking as I was enjoying my birthday cone yesterday from the amazing little Dutch ice cream parlor here on our island. We were just chillin on the sidewalk with our single scoops (a single in Dutch apparently means THREE scoops. I'm glad I didn't order a double!). Maybe I'll go hang out on my porch with a freezer pop tomorrow and see what happens...

You're giving me the giggles! I'm glad you enjoyed a great birthday cone yesterday!

:birthday

I know the feeling. Sometimes when somebody says something so outrageous and unexpected, I don't know how to reply.

You did the right thing to get away from that one.

Maybe I'll go hang out on my porch with a freezer pop tomorrow and see what happens...

Whahahhahah what a hoot.

Always embarrassed when you guys talk like I am presenting some wisdom when I am just being a jackass. The real deal is guys who go around doing random hits are generally playas or more likely wantabe playas. They operate on a numbers/sales ratio. If they say some stupid line and it gets a 5 to 10% response it is considered successful, and then if they get some it is bragging rights. Really, I know guys who do this and keep score stats.

But listening to you all ponder this had me watching myself this afternoon. Grocery shopping. Kids did not want to go so I went by myself. Whole different experience. With the kids, I am generally playing, having fun, and letting them pick what they may like (AWtf still has some Eating / Control issues). I get the "isn't that cute smiles" when I am with the kids.

But alone shopping is different. Typical alone grocery shopper is female and some are not just shopping for groceries. They often bump the carts too close which seemed strange until my intern explained they are looking for the left hand to check wedding rings. Now that I know that, I just keep my left hand where it can be seen, but I have never worn a wedding ring anyway. Or any other jewelry. I do high energy electrical work, and any jewelry is dangerous. I guess it makes no difference at this point as AWtf has been going around for a year saying she is divorced.

Anyway then there are the Big Tooth Shark smiles. I have learned those and I just say "hello, how are you" -- like it is church or something.

But in all that . . . since I finished my Steps last month I have been trying to listen to me and my inside, and here was what I was hearing from me on the inside, if I was really having a conversation with any of them.

"Sure you can have me if you will take me away and if you will just be nice to me and promise to never hit, hurt, scream at me or say mean things. I will "sell" anything except the kids to feel safe, now."

I tried thinking of what the reverse would be -- like a woman like me. All I can picture is a beat woman, who would be saying "you can do anything you want to me, as long as you do not hit or hurt me." I am like that pathetic, beat woman of my imagination.

THAT is really how pathetic I have become. I really, really, have to get away from AWtf.

Hammer, I am so sorry to hear that. You deserve so much better.

Hammer--sounds very honest , to me......

dandylion

Well! I think you nailed it with this one, Hammer! I'm glad to have your input, particularly when I need a little insight into the other 50% of the population. I really have very few men in my life right now. I pretty much work in a job surrounded entirely by women. So, I'm completely out of sinc with men and their crazy behaviors.

Ah, Hammer. I'm sad to hear you're talking to yourself so negatively. It's true you deserve so much better.

You want to know my inner dialogue? I was a beat woman a couple of years ago, but I got myself out eventually because no one else was going to do it for me. That sounds strong, right? Like, I did it once, I can do it again! Nope. That's not what goes through my head now. It's more like, "I never want to have to do that again, and all these men are setting me up for more of the same. It's a trap! Don't fall for it!" In that way, flirting feels threatening to me. I know it is not fair, but my distrust of my XAH has extended to anyone who might be vaguely interested in me. I was actually thinking this morning that I might put my wedding ring back on until I feel more solid and sorted. But, I'm not sure I'll get there if I actively block out any interactions with interested men by falsely hiding behind my ring.

BTW I'm terrible at remembering to look for a ring, but most of my friends can tell you within seconds of scanning a crowd which guys are taken. It is a slightly disturbing yet strangely awe-inspiring skill. That makes me think the bumper cart girls are either amateurs or they're trying to get your attention. ;)

Hugs, Hammer! Thanks for hanging around here!

Fathom