Only an alcoholic....
 

We were getting ready to meet his family to celebrate his nephews birthday at a restaurant....he comes to my car with a packed cooler.
Me:"what Are you doing with that?"
A: "it's got beer in it"
Me:"we are going to a restaurant..."
A:"so?..."


Only an A!

Come on Blossom, give the man a break, at least he has standards.

I mean... It wasn't like he was going to drink it warm!!!!!!!!

:)

Wow.

Oh yes, thank u for the laugh!

Ugh. My ex smuggled a water bottle full of vodka into the Children's Museum once and got totally smashed. It was mortifying because it was so obvious and he really thought he was being slick, going up to other parents, striking up random bizarro conversations, breathing booze fumes in their faces.
Another time he took a water bottle of port wine to a park with DS 5 and I, chugged it and passed out on the park bench like a hobo. The police had to give him a ride home. DS 5 and I walked back and got there in time to see him pounding on the door like a maniac. I called to him and he started screaming through the door. He was too drunk to realize that I was standing in the front yard.
And one more, because I'm on a roll. He once somehow got so drunk between the grocery store and the house (I was driving, and he went back inside and chugged something right before we left) that he passed out in the car in the grocery store parking lot. DS 5 and I went in, got our groceries, went home, went inside, put them away and he was still passed put in the car. He woke up a couple of hours later and it took him another hour and a half to get from the car to the front lawn, where he passed out again. The police were driving by and picked him up and thoughtfully brought him to the door. At some point during all of this he had pooped his pants, which the cop was thoughtful enough to point out to me. My ex later blamed it on the dog.
He's an alcoholic, what was my excuse again?
OK I'm done.

What did he say? That the dog was wearing his pants? And his underwear? Did he also claim the dog was the one to fill the water bottles with port wine on park day?

You really need to do better when choosing pets ladyscribbler.

LOL. Anytime he fouled himself either the dog did it or it was "cat sweat" (who knew cat sweat smelled so much like human urine? Also I'm pretty sure cats don't sweat). At least the animals were housebroken. How do you train a grown man to go on the newspaper or in the litterbox? Obviously making it to the toilet was way too advanced.

Damn dog anyway.

Reminds me of the Robin Williams routine -- "HEY! Somebody Sh1t in My Pants!"

That's a good one. I think a lot of comedy is one part brutal honesty and one part pain. Add some time and you've got yourself a joke.
He once got drunk to "celebrate" the cat's birthday. Literally, that was the reason. The cat didn't drink a drop, stayed sober all day. I was very proud of the cat's self-control.
The dog was born on Halloween, so that was already covered, excuse-wise.

Ms. Scribbler.

I have to say you are bit of fun when you step out of the shadows. :)

I do love laughing about this crap.

The kids were having fun at the table with each other yesterday. (Just me and the kids there) One kid looked at the other and said, "Mom must been drinking when she was carrying you . . ." We all just about fell down around the table.

Cats sweat, but only through their paws. So unless the spots looked like little paw prints...

Nope, great big wet stain on the front of his pants. Not cat sweat. I did once find a bottle buried in a litterbox... Seems like I've posted about this before.
Anybody care for a Toxoplasmosis? One part generic vodka, two parts dirty cat litter. Shaken, not stirred.
Instead of an olive, there's a cat turd on a toothpick floating in the glass.

Poor cat, having his/her bathroom area all disturbed and tampered with.

http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.6079...99555&pid=15.1

Damn Cats!!

Was that for the car ride to the restaurant?? Be careful. Not sure where you live , but in WI open container will get you a ticket!