SisterK

I'm posting again after a long period away. My brother reached the long-expected crisis point, detoxed in the hospital, had a hip replacement, and has almost completed very successful physical therapy. Soon---in a few weeks, the doc will authorize him to drive again and move back to his home. I always told him that I would support any efforts toward sobriety/getting his life back, so that's what I've been doing for his last 8 (sober) months. (I drive him to PT appointments and to the grocery store.) All that's the good news. The bad news is that he just (*this week*) started drinking again. He seemed unusually argumentative one evening, then unusually shifty at the grocery store. I found a bottle---a large bottle---under his bed in my guest room.
Now what? The doc says he won't be ready to drive or live alone for several weeks. I know I "can't control it," etc., except to announce that I will no longer drive him to the grocery store (liquor source). In a few weeks I'll return him to his home and tell him (calmly) that he's on his own as long as he's drinking. I'll find an Alanon meeting in town tomorrow (we live in the country.) What else can I do? Please help me think straight.

SisterK

My apologies for my earlier post, which wasn't a direct reply to the original "Enabling" post in this thread. I'll do better next time.

Seren

Hello SisterK!

I have moved your posts to their own thread so that you would receive the replies and attention you deserve!

I'm just so sorry to hear about your brother. You must be very worried! Did you find the Al-Anon meeting you were looking for?

Seren

How are you doing today, SisterK?

I'm sorry that you have found yourself with your now active alcoholic brother living in your home. You do have the right to lay down the law as far as what is acceptable behavior in your own home.

Can you contact that hospital where he was treated and ask them for some guidance? The hospital social workers may be of great help to you right now.

dandylion

sisterK--I think Seren's idea is a good one--to seek the services of a medical social worker.

If the doctor says that he can't live alone for a few weeks---you do have the option of saying that you will no longer house him. (you don't even have to give the reason if you don't want to). Since, he would, then, have no place to go--he would have to go to a rehab center (medical rehab--used to be called nursing homes). He would be separated from the alcohol. After rehab center--you could refuse to help him unless he would agree to go through alcohol rehab (there are some good free ones) and then maybe, after that--a sober living house.

I am sensing that you are pretty soft hearted because you love your brother--and, this sounds pretty cold to you. I understand that--believe me, I do!!!
However, I feel that you feel sort of backed into a corner---and I fear for you, that you will have some powerful resentments built up after a while...especially after you nurse him back to health and he goes home to resume his drinking again. That will hurt your heart most of all, I think.

What I am suggesting to you is that there IS a way to play hard-ball with him. With alcoholics it ususally does come down to playing hard ball, anyway.

Please, get some professionals to help you with this..especially a social worker or alcohol counselor...this is really hard to carry alone. I am thrilled to hear that you are going to go to alanon--that will help you a lot.

He is damn lucky to have a sister like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

dandylion