TidyDancer

I've left my now ex partner - he is in very full on active addiction (heroin) I haven't spoken to him but his family are keeping in touch with me. They are trying to persuade him to go back home with them and into a rehab residential centre in his home country.

That aside, my children have known him a long time and they are really missing him and want to know where he is. I feel as if he can't have a relationship with them at the moment or anyone but I'm fairly sure he loved them before. How do you explain this situation for children and deal with it in a way that won't hurt them? He may not be their biological dad but he was there for them a lot before he relapsed into addiction.

hopeful4

Tell them the truth in an age appropriate way. That he has an addiction and is hopefully going to get treatment for it but that it is a difficult addiction to treat and you will just have to see how it goes to see if he gets better or not. That if not he may need ongoing help that you guys won't be able to be involved with.

Let them talk and express their concerns/feelings.

Good Luck and God Bless!

ResignedToWait

I've told my children that their mother is sick, and doesn't live with us because she is trying to get better...but that she loves and misses them all the world, and always will.

The key is to phrase it in a way that they can never, ever, think they had anything to do with their parent's absence. (because of course, they didn't)

I think being vague with things like "They just have to live somewhere else for awhile" leaves it too open for interpretation, and the children might make their own inferences about being at fault for their parent's absence.

**edited to note that my children are both young, 8 and 4....hopeful4 had a great point about age-appropriate. If the children are old enough and can handle the mature subject, telling the truth about the addiction would be ideal.

TidyDancer

Thank you. I'm sorry I've just realised I posted this in the wrong forum technically but I suppose the issues are the same around this kind of thing, aren't they?

My children are 12, 10 and 5. The little one particularly keeps asking if she can see him or talk to him on Skype. But I think there is no way I should let them see him at the moment even to say goodbye. I will try to explain it in the way you have suggested.

lillamy

I know someone way back found a few books that talk about addiction in an age-appropriate way -- let me see if I can dig up that post!

lillamy

Well here you go:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lcoholism.html

I am guessing many of those books will be OK regardless of what substance we're dealing with, right?

TidyDancer

Thank you lillamy.