9111111

This thought is not so much about self-labeling, but more about society / the medical & rehab field "labeling" F&F of alcoholics.

I think there’s a difference between saying:

"Look at Mrs. X, she suffers from co-dependency, her husband is an alcoholic."

Or

“Look at Mrs. X, she suffers from PTSD, her husband is an alcoholic."


Both labels (PTSD and co-dependency) might be suitable to describe what Mrs X is going through – as others have pointed out that’s up to her to describe, but I think once we start talking about (complex) PTSD we might open “another” can of worms – the can of emotional and physical abuse. The can of holding people responsible for the damage they have caused instead of saying "oh, it's co-dependency, isn't that what all f&F get, co-dependency the colateral damage of alcoholism".

paige73

Thank you for all the replies. It really is interesting to read everyone's take on the issue. Learning alot.

LifeRecovery

I thought of something else in my recovery.

I am a complicated person. I first started working on my codependent behaviors almost 15 years ago....I stopped/limited a number of them and felt pretty good about where I was at.

I actually used the skills I learned pretty well with my boyfriend/then husband on non-alcohol related items. That was part of why I felt like it was a great relationship for me, because I could stand in my body and be with myself.

We got married, and I was shocked when I quickly realized alcohol was a part of our marriage.

I did not take huge step backs and start all the codependent traits again, but this relationship, the alcohol and the results helped me to see the deeper underlying challenges that were already there. I had to work on another layer of my codependent traits (and a lot of other things). This helped me to get to the root of the challenge....my own self-worth.

I look at it like like my recovery is an artichoke. There are different layers/levels of recovery that I have....and each layer is getting closer and closer to my heart of me just like you get to the heart of the artichoke.

NYCDoglvr

As a codie I picked an alcoholic (recovering or not), instead of opting for someone healthy. And as a codie I used rationalization and denial to stay with the alcoholic while expecting him to give me what I needed (love, support). Of course he's not capable of those things but I resented the hell out of him anyway. As a recovering codie I let go of the alcoholic, realizing that what I called love was really need, and went to Alanon.

The terminology is irrelevant. The question I learned to ask myself is do I trust and respect the person? If not, what am I doing here?