I feel like I'm the crazy one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 109
I feel like I'm the crazy one.
Why is it that...
When he ignores my phone call, it's "well, he's angry, so you have to understand that he doesn't want to talk about things. That's how he handles it." ~ If I ignored his phone call, it would be "well, you're just playing games".
If he says something nasty to me, it's "well, he's upset/angry... He didn't mean it". ~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
I'm told how hurt he is and that it's because of something I said or did and he has every right to feel that way. ~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
His friends have confided in me that his drinking was a problem long before he and I met. They even tried to intervene once or twice, and he didn't speak to them for months. ~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
When he ignores my phone call, it's "well, he's angry, so you have to understand that he doesn't want to talk about things. That's how he handles it." ~ If I ignored his phone call, it would be "well, you're just playing games".
If he says something nasty to me, it's "well, he's upset/angry... He didn't mean it". ~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
I'm told how hurt he is and that it's because of something I said or did and he has every right to feel that way. ~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
His friends have confided in me that his drinking was a problem long before he and I met. They even tried to intervene once or twice, and he didn't speak to them for months. ~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It is a common issue with A's. If you are not married, maybe think about if this is how you want to spend your life? Life is short and if you are not tied to this person my marriage or a child, you still have a chance to get out and have a normal,
Happy and healthy life.
Happy and healthy life.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My ex had a very high set of standards for other people's behavior, especially as it affected him. He did not see any need to hold himself to that same standard. Why should he? Excuses are easy and plentiful.
I used to see him as the "one with the problem" also. I was fine. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't go out causing trouble and starting fights and creating drama.
It took me a long time to understand that staying in an unhealthy relationship, accepting unacceptable behavior and reacting to his crazymaking was MY problem. He was just doing what active alcoholics do. What was my excuse?
Attending Alanon, working the steps and individual therapy are helping me to sort through the emotional wreckage of that relationship and to understand why staying stuck in a relationship with an active alcoholic seemed like such a terrific way to spend my life.
Take care of you, because you sure can't change him.
I used to see him as the "one with the problem" also. I was fine. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't go out causing trouble and starting fights and creating drama.
It took me a long time to understand that staying in an unhealthy relationship, accepting unacceptable behavior and reacting to his crazymaking was MY problem. He was just doing what active alcoholics do. What was my excuse?
Attending Alanon, working the steps and individual therapy are helping me to sort through the emotional wreckage of that relationship and to understand why staying stuck in a relationship with an active alcoholic seemed like such a terrific way to spend my life.
Take care of you, because you sure can't change him.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 52
I could have written that exact same post myself a couple of months ago!
I was in an almost identical situation and it is so frustrating and confusing. I can only reiterate what others have said - if you keep yourself in that situation, then it will keep happening. If you want the craziness to stop, step away and watch the merry go round carry on regardless. Ladyscribbler hit the nail bang on the head.
And remember, why should you feel bad because you want to be happy? Only you can make it happen. Good luck and I hope you make the right choices FOR YOU xx :-)
I was in an almost identical situation and it is so frustrating and confusing. I can only reiterate what others have said - if you keep yourself in that situation, then it will keep happening. If you want the craziness to stop, step away and watch the merry go round carry on regardless. Ladyscribbler hit the nail bang on the head.
And remember, why should you feel bad because you want to be happy? Only you can make it happen. Good luck and I hope you make the right choices FOR YOU xx :-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 109
I give up. I have no more fight in me. Everyone is rallied around "poor" him while I have all their fingers pointed at me as the one who has so unjustly hurt him. I'm the irrational, crazy, controlling one.
They have no idea what goes on behind those closed doors. They don't see him drinking every single night, almost a pint of hard alcohol in about two hours time, bumping into things, bracing himself against the wall to steady himself, the slurred "good nights", the sleeping until noon, the low blood sugars, the puffy red face, him explaining away every time he didn't get to work on time or had to leave work early, the medicine he takes due to vitamin deficiency, the stomach issues, the intimacy issues... The handle of alcohol he drinks in three days.. Two handles of hard liquor every week!
No, he's fine.
I have to find someway to not completely beat myself up over this. That is always my M.O. - I put up with unacceptable behavior until I'm left in the dust a crying mess and feeling like I'm a complete f**k up, and it's all my fault. Then I am overwhelmed with shame, guilt, remorse and not knowing how to even begin picking up the pieces. Meanwhile, he walks away with his support team reassuring him that he's fine, I'm f****d up, and he's better off.
I need to find my way out of this hole. I'm going to start by keeping my head up and my mouth shut. I've never spoken ill of him to any of our mutual friends - or even to my own family. There are three sides to every story... this time they are only going to hear one - his. If there is anything I have left to hold onto, it's my words. And if I hold on to those, I think I can begin to recover my pride and self worth.
They have no idea what goes on behind those closed doors. They don't see him drinking every single night, almost a pint of hard alcohol in about two hours time, bumping into things, bracing himself against the wall to steady himself, the slurred "good nights", the sleeping until noon, the low blood sugars, the puffy red face, him explaining away every time he didn't get to work on time or had to leave work early, the medicine he takes due to vitamin deficiency, the stomach issues, the intimacy issues... The handle of alcohol he drinks in three days.. Two handles of hard liquor every week!
No, he's fine.
I have to find someway to not completely beat myself up over this. That is always my M.O. - I put up with unacceptable behavior until I'm left in the dust a crying mess and feeling like I'm a complete f**k up, and it's all my fault. Then I am overwhelmed with shame, guilt, remorse and not knowing how to even begin picking up the pieces. Meanwhile, he walks away with his support team reassuring him that he's fine, I'm f****d up, and he's better off.
I need to find my way out of this hole. I'm going to start by keeping my head up and my mouth shut. I've never spoken ill of him to any of our mutual friends - or even to my own family. There are three sides to every story... this time they are only going to hear one - his. If there is anything I have left to hold onto, it's my words. And if I hold on to those, I think I can begin to recover my pride and self worth.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi BIP, better to go non-contact now to make a clean break. It's not easy leaving someone you love, and having friends rallying around him makes it worse.
Don't assume that others are blaming you or don't understand. They probably have a very good idea of what he's like.
What's your support network like? If you have F&F you can confide in and you trust please don't feel you have to bottle it all up inside. You've done the healthy thing, and it will pay off in the end.
Don't assume that others are blaming you or don't understand. They probably have a very good idea of what he's like.
What's your support network like? If you have F&F you can confide in and you trust please don't feel you have to bottle it all up inside. You've done the healthy thing, and it will pay off in the end.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
My ex had a very high set of standards for other people's behavior, especially as it affected him. He did not see any need to hold himself to that same standard. Why should he? Excuses are easy and plentiful.
I used to see him as the "one with the problem" also. I was fine. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't go out causing trouble and starting fights and creating drama.
It took me a long time to understand that staying in an unhealthy relationship, accepting unacceptable behavior and reacting to his crazymaking was MY problem. He was just doing what active alcoholics do. What was my excuse?
Attending Alanon, working the steps and individual therapy are helping me to sort through the emotional wreckage of that relationship and to understand why staying stuck in a relationship with an active alcoholic seemed like such a terrific way to spend my life.
Take care of you, because you sure can't change him.
I used to see him as the "one with the problem" also. I was fine. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't go out causing trouble and starting fights and creating drama.
It took me a long time to understand that staying in an unhealthy relationship, accepting unacceptable behavior and reacting to his crazymaking was MY problem. He was just doing what active alcoholics do. What was my excuse?
Attending Alanon, working the steps and individual therapy are helping me to sort through the emotional wreckage of that relationship and to understand why staying stuck in a relationship with an active alcoholic seemed like such a terrific way to spend my life.
Take care of you, because you sure can't change him.
my alcoholic mother.
In the end, it was always my problem, and not hers.
She certainly had her problems, and inflicted them on me as a child,
but as an adult, I was the one who kept choosing to engage her and her chaos year after year long after my brother walked away from most of it.
I'm still in therapy working through the last of this crap and I turn fifty this year. That last sentence you wrote is finally sinking in.
BIP, you are wise to be resolving this stuff now instead of spending your life enmeshed in it. Well done.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by BrokenInPieces
Why is it that...
When he ignores my phone call, it's "well, he's angry, so you have to understand that he doesn't want to talk about things. That's how he handles it." ~ If I ignored his phone call, it would be "well, you're just playing games".
If he says something nasty to me, it's "well, he's upset/angry... He didn't mean it". ~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
I'm told how hurt he is and that it's because of something I said or did and he has every right to feel that way. ~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
His friends have confided in me that his drinking was a problem long before he and I met. They even tried to intervene once or twice, and he didn't speak to them for months. ~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
When he ignores my phone call, it's "well, he's angry, so you have to understand that he doesn't want to talk about things. That's how he handles it." ~ If I ignored his phone call, it would be "well, you're just playing games".
If he says something nasty to me, it's "well, he's upset/angry... He didn't mean it". ~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
I'm told how hurt he is and that it's because of something I said or did and he has every right to feel that way. ~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
His friends have confided in me that his drinking was a problem long before he and I met. They even tried to intervene once or twice, and he didn't speak to them for months. ~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
In fact, he would reiterate over and over ad nauseam that he was "not a hurtful person", and clearly nobody else's hurt feelings were going to convince him otherwise. And so if you were hurt by something he did, then the problem had to be on your end, not on his.
The closest you would ever get to accountability from him was something along the lines of "Somehow I managed to hurt you..." as if it were some big mystery even to him how he managed to p*ss off and drive away everyone around him. Clearly since it wasn't intentional though, whatever the action it must be forgiven.
And in fact, he'd set up forgiving his sh*tty behavior as a litmus test for you to prove how much you loved him, and how much you valued family, etc. It was all self-serving BS to allow him to keep on acting however he wanted with nobody else allowed to enforce any sort of boundaries. "Family is important" never translated into him taking his family's feelings seriously. Instead it was leverage used to get those around him to put up with his crap.
Of course, in reverse whenever he felt hurt by something you did or said you had better own up to poste-haste.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by BrokenInPieces
~ If I ignored his phone call, it would be "well, you're just playing games".
~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
~ If I say something in return, it's "well, you meant to say that, and he has every right to be hurt/upset/angry"
~ I say that I am hurting, too, because of something he said or did, and I'm told I'm being defensive.
~ The same friends tell him that he's fine and I am the one with the problem.
I am tired of feeling broken. HE is the one with the problem, but the blame is all on me.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I completely understand. My XAH and I are divorcing. It's pretty hard to see how he manages to make it poor him. However, those that really really know us know the true situation. Even his family. They may be standing by him, but they know deep down just why I am divorcing him.
You have to worry about you. It sounds like he has a very wide support system. What about yours?
You are right, you need a way out, and you can find one.
XXX
You have to worry about you. It sounds like he has a very wide support system. What about yours?
You are right, you need a way out, and you can find one.
XXX
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
You have a right to stand up for yourself. You are not responisble for anyone else's feelings. If he is hurt or angry at you standing up for yourself then so be it. The hurt is HIS problem not yours. You can't own anyone else's feelings or reactions to events. Your relationship has to be mutually beneficial for both of you. It cant be all one sided. A's are very good at deflecting problems back onto you so that they dont have to face the true reality that their alcoholism affects others. It allows them to continue to live in their own fantasy world and maintain that addiction.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Son1977
My father behaved the exact same way, and I found it infuriating. No matter what he did or what he said, it was always your fault if you found it hurtful or offensive. Instead, to him it was proof that you were "too sensitive", had taken things the wrong way, hadn't warned him ahead of time that you found such behavior offensive, etc.
In fact, he would reiterate over and over ad nauseam that he was "not a hurtful person", and clearly nobody else's hurt feelings were going to convince him otherwise. And so if you were hurt by something he did, then the problem had to be on your end, not on his.
The closest you would ever get to accountability from him was something along the lines of "Somehow I managed to hurt you..." as if it were some big mystery even to him how he managed to p*ss off and drive away everyone around him. Clearly since it wasn't intentional though, whatever the action it must be forgiven.
And in fact, he'd set up forgiving his sh*tty behavior as a litmus test for you to prove how much you loved him, and how much you valued family, etc. It was all self-serving BS to allow him to keep on acting however he wanted with nobody else allowed to enforce any sort of boundaries. "Family is important" never translated into him taking his family's feelings seriously. Instead it was leverage used to get those around him to put up with his crap.
Of course, in reverse whenever he felt hurt by something you did or said you had better own up to poste-haste.
In fact, he would reiterate over and over ad nauseam that he was "not a hurtful person", and clearly nobody else's hurt feelings were going to convince him otherwise. And so if you were hurt by something he did, then the problem had to be on your end, not on his.
The closest you would ever get to accountability from him was something along the lines of "Somehow I managed to hurt you..." as if it were some big mystery even to him how he managed to p*ss off and drive away everyone around him. Clearly since it wasn't intentional though, whatever the action it must be forgiven.
And in fact, he'd set up forgiving his sh*tty behavior as a litmus test for you to prove how much you loved him, and how much you valued family, etc. It was all self-serving BS to allow him to keep on acting however he wanted with nobody else allowed to enforce any sort of boundaries. "Family is important" never translated into him taking his family's feelings seriously. Instead it was leverage used to get those around him to put up with his crap.
Of course, in reverse whenever he felt hurt by something you did or said you had better own up to poste-haste.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
You are on the right track.
Do not talk to people that are not supportive and/or that don't know the details. Talk to people that get it. Even some of my biggest personal real life supporters just did not get it and I had to quit talking to them about what I was going through - their feedback was off and did more harm than good.
Do not listen to what people say if they do not know what they are talking about. Their lips can move but imagine them quacking like a duck or talking like that teacher on Charlie Brown or braying like a jack ass
I trained myself to say 'you are such a dumbass' in my head every time that happened. It is kind of crude/mean but it jolted me into remembering that I am a smart strong person - I didn't have to absorb someone else's crazy talk.
All that is easier said than done when you are confused and dealing with things like codependency and emotional enmeshment. BTDT. When our only confidants, our partners in life, our family/friends, etc. are the one's screwing with our perceptions things get crazy fast. I second the advice of finding a support system in real life, utilizing this forum (stickies are full of great things and book recommendations), and personal therapy. Focusing on you, what is good for you, finding knowledgeable personal support, and your own truth, while letting the rest bounce off you -- it will change your life.
Do not talk to people that are not supportive and/or that don't know the details. Talk to people that get it. Even some of my biggest personal real life supporters just did not get it and I had to quit talking to them about what I was going through - their feedback was off and did more harm than good.
Do not listen to what people say if they do not know what they are talking about. Their lips can move but imagine them quacking like a duck or talking like that teacher on Charlie Brown or braying like a jack ass
I trained myself to say 'you are such a dumbass' in my head every time that happened. It is kind of crude/mean but it jolted me into remembering that I am a smart strong person - I didn't have to absorb someone else's crazy talk. All that is easier said than done when you are confused and dealing with things like codependency and emotional enmeshment. BTDT. When our only confidants, our partners in life, our family/friends, etc. are the one's screwing with our perceptions things get crazy fast. I second the advice of finding a support system in real life, utilizing this forum (stickies are full of great things and book recommendations), and personal therapy. Focusing on you, what is good for you, finding knowledgeable personal support, and your own truth, while letting the rest bounce off you -- it will change your life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 109
My mother isn't an A, but she was certainly a B.
I always had a very toxic relationship with my mother growing up. I grew up thinking that she just didn't like me, and I never knew why. I made the mistake of saying those words out loud to her once "You just don't like me" - and I got hit repeatedly (not the first time that happened for saying how I felt). No matter what I did, it was wrong. I could paint the house inside and out, but if I didn't make my bed, I was worthless. She took things away from me on purpose. At the age of 40, I realized the only thing sustaining our toxic relationship was my guilt, so I said enough, and told her never to contact me again. That was 3 years ago. I've only seen her a few times since in family situations. I have never regretted my decision.
Anyway...
The other night when speaking with him, I said "you hung up on me, you didn't give me a chance to say anything... " I was told, "you had plenty of time to say whatever you had to say". And I'm standing there, not seeing - at all - the clear-to-him-only period of time between him yelling "F**k you!" and then hanging up on me, that I had time to say anything.
When I try to explain myself, and that I think/feel he misunderstood me... he insists that is not what I meant. That he knows what I meant (even if it's not at all what I said). This happened several months ago - I was upset about something completely unrelated to him, asked him if we could talk about it later, he blew up at me because he "knew" what I was upset about, it wasn't up for discussion, and he hung up on me. Two weeks later, I finally wrote him a letter explaining what I was upset about - that it had nothing to do with him at all. When we talked about it later, he was like "how was I supposed to know?!" And I was like "not everything is about you. you don't stop and listen. you jumped to conclusions, blew up at me, and hung up."..... and yet, still, it was my fault - why? - because I should have said something.
It's soooo infuriating!!
I have a small support system. It's small, but healthy. (I will not be sharing anything at all with anyone in our circle of mutual friends. I feel they have all betrayed me - one "friend" in particular, I should have known better than to share anything with her). And I have my church - one that I just joined a few months ago... and it has been so good for me.
I always had a very toxic relationship with my mother growing up. I grew up thinking that she just didn't like me, and I never knew why. I made the mistake of saying those words out loud to her once "You just don't like me" - and I got hit repeatedly (not the first time that happened for saying how I felt). No matter what I did, it was wrong. I could paint the house inside and out, but if I didn't make my bed, I was worthless. She took things away from me on purpose. At the age of 40, I realized the only thing sustaining our toxic relationship was my guilt, so I said enough, and told her never to contact me again. That was 3 years ago. I've only seen her a few times since in family situations. I have never regretted my decision.
Anyway...
The other night when speaking with him, I said "you hung up on me, you didn't give me a chance to say anything... " I was told, "you had plenty of time to say whatever you had to say". And I'm standing there, not seeing - at all - the clear-to-him-only period of time between him yelling "F**k you!" and then hanging up on me, that I had time to say anything.
When I try to explain myself, and that I think/feel he misunderstood me... he insists that is not what I meant. That he knows what I meant (even if it's not at all what I said). This happened several months ago - I was upset about something completely unrelated to him, asked him if we could talk about it later, he blew up at me because he "knew" what I was upset about, it wasn't up for discussion, and he hung up on me. Two weeks later, I finally wrote him a letter explaining what I was upset about - that it had nothing to do with him at all. When we talked about it later, he was like "how was I supposed to know?!" And I was like "not everything is about you. you don't stop and listen. you jumped to conclusions, blew up at me, and hung up."..... and yet, still, it was my fault - why? - because I should have said something.
It's soooo infuriating!!
I have a small support system. It's small, but healthy. (I will not be sharing anything at all with anyone in our circle of mutual friends. I feel they have all betrayed me - one "friend" in particular, I should have known better than to share anything with her). And I have my church - one that I just joined a few months ago... and it has been so good for me.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by BrokenInPieces
My mother isn't an A, but she was certainly a B.
Sounds like you made a great and healthy choice to go no contact with her. Sometimes when I am beating myself up and being self critical, I will recognize the voice and words I hear in my mind as my mother's. That internal critic has had free rent in my head for too long, and I'm working on evicting it.
Hugs to you. I know this is hard, but if he continues to drink and progress in his disease, all the garbage that went on behind closed doors will come spilling out. My ex's mother was totally on his side when we broke up, even going so far as to rant and rave and curse and threaten to take away my son and press charges against me, quack, quack, quack.
Now they aren't even speaking to one another.
Glad you have a support system to count on. Take good care of you right now, and know that we're here for you.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
My ex would also tell me how I felt or what I meant. All the time. I have come to see that as a form of abuse although I don't think he did that intentionally until maybe the very end. The only way to handle that with my ex was to let the infuriating nature of it go. He would never come to understand me either due to his own limitations at the time or stubbornness/meanness/abusive nature. I no longer care which because the end result was/is the same for me. I had to accept that he has his reality and I have mine and that is OK. I just have to be true to mine, not his. I was not really able to get to that point without the recovery work everyone has already suggested so I encourage you to really pursue that.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
I try and tell myself "what someone else thinks about me is none of my business". Also, who cares what these people say. You, your A and God knows the truth. That is all that matters. Are these the friends you really want to have anyway, because they are not acting like friends and don't seem to be rational. Any logical person knows there are three sides to every story. I know my AH has his own version and is telling everyone and anyone. I feel sorry for him that he needs the reassurance of his actions. Just be confident in who you are and what you are doing. You are doing what you need to do for you. And that is a very brave thing to do. And a side result is maybe he will realize what has happened and sober up!
You be secure in your decisions. And proud of how brave you are!
You be secure in your decisions. And proud of how brave you are!
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: indianapolis, indiana
Posts: 9
been there
Hi there- I have gone through the exact same thing. I finally kicked my ABF out on May 5 last month after 6 years of the exact behaviors you are describing. I was always at fault too. I had to "deliver" him to his family at age 35 because he has no job, car, or money...etc...They blame ME now too- even went as far as to threaten me by saying he will be out of their will if he is ever with me again..The one person who literally kept him alive, paid all bills, and put up with all his alcoholic bs for years while they ignored it....wait a minute- there's the "codie" in me talking again....ha... Anyway, that was a hurtful blast in the face...but I had to do some soul searching, found the wonderful people on this site who have gone before me....and moved on..well, still in the process of moving on and working through the grief. (It's been 4 weeks and things are calm in my house for the first time. ) I am learning more and more about "codependent" behaviors and realize I too played a role in the craziness. We are all here for you. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. Please do some research and think about your future. Living with an active alcoholic only gets worse. You deserve great things in your life like we all do. Good luck with this and keep visiting..it really helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 109
I not only work with, but live next door to, the "friend" who I feel betrayed me. The same "friend" I met him through. The same "friend" who told me that his drinking was a problem long before I met him, and who I had confided in when I needed someone to talk to... because I thought I could trust her.
Back a few months ago, before Valentines day, I remember talking with her and saying how I knew it sounded ridiculous and knight-in-shining-armor-ish, but I had hoped he would in some way show me he loved me. At that point, I hadn't spoken to him in a couple weeks. I never heard from him that day, and he ignored my text that simply said "I love you". In our argument the other night, he said "oh, sorry your little Valentines plan didn't work out the way you'd hoped. Yeah, I heard about your little round-table discussions".
It was just recently, in the past month, that we had been trying to figure things out. We were spending some time together and re-connecting. It was good.
This past Friday night, he called me from work. He sounded funny, and I said something. I speak to him almost every day, and very often on the phone. I've never once - until 5 days ago - ever said he sounded funny on the phone. I asked him to repeat a couple of the things he said because I didn't understand him. He got frustrated, said an abrupt goodnight and hung up. I sent a text shortly after saying "I hope you're ok. I've never heard you sound like that on the phone". He sent a text back "I'm fine". When I spoke with him the next day, he asked why I wasn't ready to go when he had said the previous night that he would call me at that time. I said "that whole conversation was weird", and he shouted "what?! you think i was drinking at work?!" I said "I don't know, the whole conversation was weird, so I wasn't expecting you to call at a certain time." That's when he yelled "F**k you!" and hung up on me.
So... that is why this is MY problem and why HE is so hurt and wants nothing to do with me. And why - once again - I am left reeling from the "what-the-hell-just-happened" clusterf**k of confusion that I've been experiencing more and more often with him.
As for the "friend" - I'm going to pretend like I couldn't be happier and I've got rainbows and butterflies coming out my butt... she will NEVER hear a word from me regarding any of this. Eff her.
wow, am I rambling... I just need to get this all out. I'm at work, and crawling out of my skin. =/
Back a few months ago, before Valentines day, I remember talking with her and saying how I knew it sounded ridiculous and knight-in-shining-armor-ish, but I had hoped he would in some way show me he loved me. At that point, I hadn't spoken to him in a couple weeks. I never heard from him that day, and he ignored my text that simply said "I love you". In our argument the other night, he said "oh, sorry your little Valentines plan didn't work out the way you'd hoped. Yeah, I heard about your little round-table discussions".
It was just recently, in the past month, that we had been trying to figure things out. We were spending some time together and re-connecting. It was good.
This past Friday night, he called me from work. He sounded funny, and I said something. I speak to him almost every day, and very often on the phone. I've never once - until 5 days ago - ever said he sounded funny on the phone. I asked him to repeat a couple of the things he said because I didn't understand him. He got frustrated, said an abrupt goodnight and hung up. I sent a text shortly after saying "I hope you're ok. I've never heard you sound like that on the phone". He sent a text back "I'm fine". When I spoke with him the next day, he asked why I wasn't ready to go when he had said the previous night that he would call me at that time. I said "that whole conversation was weird", and he shouted "what?! you think i was drinking at work?!" I said "I don't know, the whole conversation was weird, so I wasn't expecting you to call at a certain time." That's when he yelled "F**k you!" and hung up on me.
So... that is why this is MY problem and why HE is so hurt and wants nothing to do with me. And why - once again - I am left reeling from the "what-the-hell-just-happened" clusterf**k of confusion that I've been experiencing more and more often with him.
As for the "friend" - I'm going to pretend like I couldn't be happier and I've got rainbows and butterflies coming out my butt... she will NEVER hear a word from me regarding any of this. Eff her.
wow, am I rambling... I just need to get this all out. I'm at work, and crawling out of my skin. =/
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