this is all messed up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: pgh pa
Posts: 1
this is all messed up
I really don't even know how to describe this and then, I'm the one going thru all this 
(( My life has been a mess for some time now, really don't think it will get turned around again, for a looonnng time... I have been trying to help a bf (who has a drinking problem) with his business and possibly his life. But what do I get, just a Big PILE of Crap... Now I think, I may be on the verge of completely giving up, we were in a big fight again tonite... once again he reminded me how I AM messing his life up.... but unfortunately, if that is true, he is, has... completely ruined mine. That he wants me out of his life, I'm about to the point that I'm relieved that it's over, (but it really won't be over for some time to come) I think I need to get an attorney, I didn't want it to get to this point.... I don't make a lot of money, have been working tons of overtime... at times not sure what to do, or is it just the the nerve to push thru all this..... it's like the biggest struggle I've ever had and will have to do. I don't have any children, so at least I don't have that to cope with. thank you for any help you could offer.
(( My life has been a mess for some time now, really don't think it will get turned around again, for a looonnng time... I have been trying to help a bf (who has a drinking problem) with his business and possibly his life. But what do I get, just a Big PILE of Crap... Now I think, I may be on the verge of completely giving up, we were in a big fight again tonite... once again he reminded me how I AM messing his life up.... but unfortunately, if that is true, he is, has... completely ruined mine. That he wants me out of his life, I'm about to the point that I'm relieved that it's over, (but it really won't be over for some time to come) I think I need to get an attorney, I didn't want it to get to this point.... I don't make a lot of money, have been working tons of overtime... at times not sure what to do, or is it just the the nerve to push thru all this..... it's like the biggest struggle I've ever had and will have to do. I don't have any children, so at least I don't have that to cope with. thank you for any help you could offer.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome ally,
You are reaching out for help and that is the first step for you. Believe it or not you have choices. You can leave or you can stay. If you stay you don't have to take his problems on as your own.
Hang around! There will be alot of other experience thrown your way!
Hugs,
JT
You are reaching out for help and that is the first step for you. Believe it or not you have choices. You can leave or you can stay. If you stay you don't have to take his problems on as your own.
Hang around! There will be alot of other experience thrown your way!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 146
Hi Ally,
Look love, you're working yourself to the bone, being told that you're messing up someone's life when all you did was love them, allowing that person to ruin your life, and your life has been a mess for some time now.
So, it seems to me that you need to step back and take stock. This kind of stress is NOT good for you as you probably already know.
You need Al-Anon. Do you know of a meeting near you? Please, if you haven't already, read the sticky's at the top of the board and find out where your nearest meeting is. You need to take charge of your own life and you need to be able to control it, because that's the only thing that you can control.
Big HugZ to you, Ally
((((((Ally))))))
Look love, you're working yourself to the bone, being told that you're messing up someone's life when all you did was love them, allowing that person to ruin your life, and your life has been a mess for some time now.
So, it seems to me that you need to step back and take stock. This kind of stress is NOT good for you as you probably already know.
You need Al-Anon. Do you know of a meeting near you? Please, if you haven't already, read the sticky's at the top of the board and find out where your nearest meeting is. You need to take charge of your own life and you need to be able to control it, because that's the only thing that you can control.
Big HugZ to you, Ally
((((((Ally))))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
(((ally)))
Welcome ! He blames you for everything because you're there to blame. He can't blame himself, can he???
There is help for you - AlAnon, these boards, books like Codependent No More. Just take another little step.
A few months ago, I told one of my friends that there was no solution - my situation was hopeless. Now, I have found so much hope.
Keep coming back - I'm glad you're here.
L
Welcome ! He blames you for everything because you're there to blame. He can't blame himself, can he???
There is help for you - AlAnon, these boards, books like Codependent No More. Just take another little step.
A few months ago, I told one of my friends that there was no solution - my situation was hopeless. Now, I have found so much hope.
Keep coming back - I'm glad you're here.
L
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
Ah, Ally. Love yourself sweetie. You deserve it. GIve yourself a big hug. Your life isn't ruined. There are always ways to turn things around and get back on track. Sounds like this relationship has you really really down. That is one sure sign that it may not be good for you at all. It may be too one-sided and you are feeling the strain of that. you are giving and not getting anything back.
Are you embroiled with him financially? Has he ruined you financially? If so, an attorney might be worth the cost to be sure you don't go further into the hole. this has been a learning experience. You are very lucky you don't have children as that does sometimes hinder the options. But at the same time children force us to make better decisions at some point. It is so much easier to do the right thing for someone else sometiems. We often don't think of ourselves and care for ourselves like we should.
Now, begin today by not chastising yourself for any mistakes or what might now appear to be poor decisions. All relationships are learning experiences. Grieve the loss of this one and feel those sad feelings for a time. But pick yourself up, love yourself for there is only one you. This too shall pass and you will be on another path soon. huge huge hugs to you. You will do the right thing for you. I have confidence.
Are you embroiled with him financially? Has he ruined you financially? If so, an attorney might be worth the cost to be sure you don't go further into the hole. this has been a learning experience. You are very lucky you don't have children as that does sometimes hinder the options. But at the same time children force us to make better decisions at some point. It is so much easier to do the right thing for someone else sometiems. We often don't think of ourselves and care for ourselves like we should.
Now, begin today by not chastising yourself for any mistakes or what might now appear to be poor decisions. All relationships are learning experiences. Grieve the loss of this one and feel those sad feelings for a time. But pick yourself up, love yourself for there is only one you. This too shall pass and you will be on another path soon. huge huge hugs to you. You will do the right thing for you. I have confidence.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey and welcome!!! You have come to a great place where we all share in similar problems. This is a great place for support and venting and we are glad that you are here.
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) You can turn your life around....it all starts with you. Learning to take care of you 1st and your needs.
Someone mentioned the book CO-Dependant No More, by Melodie Beatty...she also wrote a great book called Choices. We do have them, but sometimes they are hard to see....or maybe they aren't the choices that we want, but we do have them.
When I 1st came here and began my walk the serenity prayer was life saving to me, I hope you find it useful:
[B]God grant me the Serentiy to accept the things I cannot change.....
the Courage to change the things I can......
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Keep posting, Constant
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) You can turn your life around....it all starts with you. Learning to take care of you 1st and your needs.
Someone mentioned the book CO-Dependant No More, by Melodie Beatty...she also wrote a great book called Choices. We do have them, but sometimes they are hard to see....or maybe they aren't the choices that we want, but we do have them.
When I 1st came here and began my walk the serenity prayer was life saving to me, I hope you find it useful:
[B]God grant me the Serentiy to accept the things I cannot change.....
the Courage to change the things I can......
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Keep posting, Constant
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